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sensitivity-when is it good and when is bad?
May 15, 2001
10:06 pm
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whatsup
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I am a recoverying alcoholic-I have been sober for about four monthes. First- I am so damm mad because alcohol(beer)was one of my best friends for years. We didn't always get along all the time but Bud would go everywhere were with me. We spent many years together. Bud was their for me when I was happy and Bud was their for me when I was sad, also Bud even made me feel better when I didn't feel good. Never the less today I cryed because I couldn't have my friend Bud. I feel like my best friend (Bud) [email protected] me up the [email protected]@ and and said see ya. I know to some this may sound really stupied but to me this is real. I don't like feeling so sensitive about the loss of my friend Bud. I should be jumping up and down for joy, but today I can't. I miss my buddy Bud. Mybe thats why I am so sensitive is because because my feelings are comeing back. Do you think I'll always be this sensitive? I have other issues also that I get sensitive over and I don't like it. Thankssssssss.

May 16, 2001
7:32 am
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janes
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You may not always be this sensitive but where is your support group? Who is replacing Bud?

Are you in a 12 step program?

Some days Bud will really try to be your only Buddy again....

Don't fall for his lies...he is not a faithful friend and will screw you up the [email protected]# again as soon as you allow it.

Get a counselor and stay sober

May 16, 2001
10:45 am
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skimbleshanks
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Hey, Bud is not your friend. Read these posts. We, even strangers are friends, and care that your life stays on the right track.

I know a couple of people who have a strong support system. It all began for them with AA. Now, years later they still have a network of "sponsors" - people who are strong for them when they feel themselves slipping.

This is a good thing! Try going to a meeting. You'll become strong enough to resist.

Go with peace...

May 16, 2001
12:47 pm
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malaikau
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Dear Whatsup,

It sounds like you are going through a lot of grief over the loss of you friend. I work at a domestic violence shelter. Many people who come there for help end up leaving a partner who abused them for years. Often times they are struck down by the surprise of grief they feel over the loss of this relationship. They think, "Our relationship was terrible! I was treated horribly! I should be glad that my marriage is over and my life is moving forward! I must be insane to feel so sad, lost, lonely, alone, angry, frustrated, and confused!"

The fact of the matter is they are not crazy, and neither are you! It is perfectly natural to grieve loss. Even if some of the results of the loss are ultimately good for you! The grieving process is a good sign. It demonstrates your conscious acceptance of the fact that the relationship is over. In otherwords, you might not have felt this way when you first stopped drinking because sobriety was not a reality for you. You were just going through the motions, or you hadn't been away from your friend Bud long enough to really miss him (her?).

Now that it has hit home that you intend to stay sober, and Bud is really gone for good, it's time for you to grieve. The pain is difficult, but I'd be willing to bet that the pain of sobriety is not as great as that of a drunken night--waking up the next day wondering what damage was done to relationships with children, partners, and/or friends. Maybe you can find some comfort in the knowledge that the pain of grieving your friend Bud will pass, but if you go back to Bud, that will be a pain that never ends--not until you somehow find the strength to live sober again!

Hang in there, Whatsup! It's obvious that you are a person deserving of great happiness in your life. Bud will never allow that to happen for you, but as you move through your grief for Bud, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is called HAPPINESS!!!

Your friend,

Mal

May 16, 2001
9:46 pm
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Molly
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Try Rational Recovery too, they talk in the book about how BUD, and his friends whisper in your ear, and how to tune him, and them out. Your doing great, I am quite certain that with out Bud, there are going to be quite a few things come up that you are going to be sensitive about, first time you have felt in a while, this too shall pass, but it would be real good, and smart to have some one help you with this.

May 18, 2001
2:09 am
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whatsup
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Thanks for everyones in put. Still another day without Bud! Yes I am very sensitive about most everything-but if I am not being sensitive I am being all tough and pissed off. I think If Im like this nothing can get into hurt me. Somedays it sux to be sensitive because then I have to show a side of me I am not use to letting people see, a side that something means something to me. If it means something than that=caring=feelings and feelings=getting hurt. And I think we all know that really sux.
Janes I know you said I needed to get a conselor and stay sober. Yes I agree with that. However, I do see a conselor but sometimes I am not for sure if it's going anywhere. I do like my conselor very much however, most days she is about 10mins late and then you stop at 10 till and you do this once a week things move very slowley. You know I haven't really figured this counseling thing out yet. You talk about your self they node their head say some stuff that we all could do. Then say see ya next week. Am I missing something!!!!

However I guess I am not feeling to [email protected] sensitive tonight. I feel more on the pissed off side. BUT still sober!!!!!!!

May 18, 2001
6:14 am
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janes
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Get a different counselor....try counselor until you find one who makes you work hard.

Confront the one you have.

Keep working on it.....

good luck.

May 20, 2001
12:53 am
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malaikau
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Whatsup,

I like Janes suggestion about confronting your counselor. It will help her to do a better job, and a good counselor will WELCOME your constructive criticism!!!

Good Luck!!!

Mal

May 21, 2001
7:10 pm
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whatsup
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Hi janes and Mal

I don't think I should talk to my counselor about being late. I am seeing this counselor for no charge. Sometimes she has to stay over with another client and just can't get out on time. I know this doesn't make me feel better but hey thats just the way it is. I know you say a good counselor will welcome construtive criticism and you are probably right. But the way I see it conselors go to school to learn about this and maybe there is a reason a person with a masters would be late just to be late. Mybe it's for a client to think about what he/she is going to say. I don't know.
However, I still miss my friend Bud but I am hanging in there I know the only thing that can mend a broken relationship is time and I am going to give this some time! Thanks for your replays.

May 23, 2001
5:17 pm
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malaikau
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Dear Whatsup,

I respect your feelings about not wanting to confront your counselor. You are the one who knows and understands your relationship with her best! With regard to seeing her for free, it's wonderful that you have access to such a valuable resource, but I would guess that she is being paid to see you by the agency she works for. I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because you don't pay for a service doesn't mean you don't deserve to be treated with courtesy and respect. It's true there might be reasons why your counselor is late. And if it is causing you to "feel" something, then maybe this is just another opportunity for you to learn something special about yourself.

Just remember, your needs and feelings are just as important as a client who pays $150.00 per session!!!

Your friend,

Mal

May 23, 2001
5:51 pm
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Whatsup.

Alcohol is the great remover. It removes even our sanity in the end. No friend of mine is a 'remover' of anything, let alone my sanity.

If you still think that you have a drink left in you, you probably have. Stinkin' thinkin' leads to drinkin'.

For one day at a time, get your [email protected] to an AA meeting pronto, buddy. One alchy to another!

May 23, 2001
8:17 pm
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whatsup
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Tez Hi thanks for what you had to say because I believe thats ture. I'm on my way tonight to pick up my four month chip. I'm very proud of my self but I know I could be a drink away from losing my four months of soberness or maybe even my life.

May 24, 2001
9:52 am
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malaikau
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Dear Whatsup,

Congratulations on your 4 months of sobriety! I can only imagine the amount of blood, sweat, and tears it has taken for you to come so far! I sincerely admire your hard work and ability to keep on hanging in there no matter how hard it gets.

Your friend,

Mal

May 25, 2001
6:28 am
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janes
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...Nah... a Mater's degree doesn't give you license to be late...if anything you should be MORE responsibile.

Why don't you simply sugget a later or different appointment time?

If the ther. is always 15 minutes late then just make That the time to start.

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