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Selling Crazy
October 12, 2004
7:58 pm
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upfront
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I don't know how I found this site but thank you. My live in boyfriend of six years who was a recovering alcoholic/addict has started using. He's a binger, so every two weeks or sometimes 10 days, he just disappears for the night, then comes home early a.m., sleeps for a day, is sick for a day, then filled with guilt shame remorse and anger at himself, then me. I couldn't take it anymore so I told his kids he was using again and needs help. He was so angry and told me to never tell them anything again, those are his kids. He now says he's going in treatment and I can't wait for him to get out of here. I have been walking around hoping he'll do something but I think he is lying about treatment. He's lied about so much else. I feel sick, betrayed,I I can't trust him. He is like a shell of a person with the disease holding a hand in his back moving his mouth. Every word I feel is a lie. I picked that title because it is a line from the movie as good as it gets. Jack Nicholson, an obsessive compulsive, tells some woman to stop selling crazy to him. I feel like I'm getting crazy sold to me. And even worse I'm buying it. And paying good sanity for it. Any thoughts.

October 12, 2004
8:05 pm
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Patarino
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Oh my god ... I just gets better. I just signed on to this website for the first time today too. It is the greaatest. I too am being sold crazy. I especially like the part about a hand moving his mouth. That is soooo my life. I am too new to give much advice but I know from my experiences that if you feel it is a lie you are probably right. I ask questions to the point of insanity just to get the answers I want only to realize the answers are all just lies of convenience. Words they think you want to hear ... words they sometimes even believe themselves. The addict is sick but so is the codependent who tries to "fix" them. Hang in there and keep posting. I has helped me get through this day.

October 12, 2004
8:20 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi upfront and Welcome!

I think first and foremost that we all have to decide when we have had enough. I thought your title was sooooooo right on! I always give my humble opinion and from my heart (or at least try to) So, in saying that I'll tell you what I think. This person is bringing you down. That is not acceptable in any way, shape or form. What we have to do is put *US* first, after all the lies, abuse, etc...and in order for us to do that we have to take a stand. Either I want my life to continue this way, or I don't and won't! From your post, it appears you are fed up. And rightfully so. If your sanity is at stake, do whatever is necessary to change the situation so that will no longer be a detriment to you.

Keep posting!!!

Sunny 🙂

October 12, 2004
9:07 pm
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CAMER
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Welcome Upfront, I too was with an active alcoholic, binged every 3 mos. for 3 years, went to many detoxes and treatment centers, nothing helped. He made promises that never came thru, and it was ME that couldn't let him go, as much pain I was in with him...it was more painful to be without him...if that makes sense.

He has to do this for himself now, get treatment...if he doesn't...you do have choices, you have been with him for 6 years and has anything ever
changed in the relationship for the better??? probably not....maybe it is time you leave, there is nothing that you can do to "save" him, he needs to do this on his own. Its probably hard and difficult to just end the relationship, but think of all the peace you will have. Know that you only deserve the best, not being lied to. Believe in yourself and see if he chooses to get help...whatever his choice may be, you still have choices yourself, to either stay in the relationship or leave. Trust me, you are not alone,
I have been there / done that, and
it was a tough rollercoaster ride for me. I have been single for the past 2 years and recently started dating again, and I am so aware of the red flags out there.

Take heart, know that you are not alone & do what is best for you!!! cuz you deserve it!!!!

((((hugs from Camer))))

October 13, 2004
5:48 am
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Thanks Camer, Sunnygirl and Patarino. I am going to Dan Andersen Renewal Center at Hazelden on October 31 to 4 for a spiritual workshop. One of the things they talk about is getting your spiritual life sidetracked by unhealthy relationships. How to get back in balance. I need this and am going to do it for myself. What happened last night? He says he is going in treatment center on 22nd. But he is leaving here on 16th and doesn't know where he is going or what he will be doing. All along I've said, bad me, I don't trust him. But now I feel I'm right. If a friend told me these things, I would know what to say to them, but seems like I don't know what to say to me. If he goes into treatment for a month plus being gone the extra week, I won't see him for five weeks. I said we could go out to dinner or something (I know I'm sick). Unfortunately, a drinking buddy from the old days is having a birthday party the night before he is supposed to go off, so he HAS to go to that. He asked me if I want to go, if not, that's okay, because he HAS to go. I often feel like taping my life and interactions with him, turning off the sound and just watching the action. Actions speak louder than words, I've been told. I come from a dysfunctional childhood (isn't that the norm these days), and I am used to people saying one thing and doing another. I just really want to believe those words, but I can see the actions are 'saying' something else. I've tried but I just feel like it is over. It's not going to change and I keep thinking it will change, this next time.
Again, thanks for listening. I don't have many people in real life I can talk to. One of the ones I can is telling me just what you all are saying and after I talk to her I say, Gee, she doesn't know everything, if only she knew all about the good times. I heard a friend say her therapist talked about the honeymoon. You get abused, walked on, then you make up. (the honeymoon), then you get abused, walked on, then you make up (the honeymoon). Then you get addicted to these honeymoons and hang on to them and look forward to them. I'm sicker than I thought.
Thanks for listening.

October 13, 2004
7:11 pm
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Anonymous
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upfront,

Thats so kewl! I wish I had the opportunity to go there. It sounds great. I hope it will be helpful for you.

Sunny

October 13, 2004
7:21 pm
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upfront
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I hope it will be helpful too. It is a safe nurturing environment away from "Crazy Horse". I can re coop. I am so hit from day to day by things, I sometimes just have to shut off and work. I do real estate. A great job for someone with codependent issues.

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