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Selfish? or Looking out for myself .... Eitherway, it hurts.
January 16, 2007
2:47 pm
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itsanewday
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I recently went through a divorce. Married for 10 years. I had a rebound, and in an act of survival, I moved in with “the rebound” for a short period of time. (The place I moved into after the divorce was terminated at knifepoint. I escaped in the middle of the day while they were at work) the rebound (extremely coddep) is not keeping a realistic expectation on the living conditions that were communicated from the start. Leaving this situation is going to be very difficult and I want some suggestions. I feel selfish because I feel as though I have lead this person on, yet the guidelines have been set forth from the start. If this person doesn’t get their way, they become violent. I feel that I am selfish because I did bend the reality a little as not to cause this person grief and ultimate physical harm to me. I now have been co-habitating with this person for 2 months and have a short time left to go. I have no intentions of carrying it out any further after the move out date but have bent the expectations to let them think as though I am. (Avoiding physical harm from their childish behavior) Any suggestions? Further complications, I have started taking ownership of their feelings. And making decisions based on that. I am in counseling and it is helping somewhat. Just want another persons outlook.

The sorrow I feel for this person after I leave I know is not my own, but his manipulating me to see his sorrow. It hurts all the same compounded by my own guilt. I don’t know where to turn next.

Post note: When I say I am leaving, I am securing a place of my own. A one bedroom, alone to heal from my divorce. I read on this discussion somewhere, “What my life needs now is …”. Well, what MY life needs now is “ME”.

January 16, 2007
4:00 pm
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blondie30565
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Honey, You are not selfish. That guy will cause you more issues than you know. Wait until he is gone. Then leave and do not tell him. This guy could really hurt you.

January 16, 2007
4:12 pm
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itsanewday
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I dont want to leave without telling him. He has opened his house to me and I am greatful for that. He rescued me from the place i was staying (the knifepoint situation). Although he has shown tendancys of violence, he has not acted on them with me just yet. I know it from his past in our conversations. The point is, he is VERY co-dep and I know leaving will be hard because not only have I developed feelings for him, He will manipulate me into taking ownership of his feelings more than I already have. (by means of my own co-dep) I'm just in a really difficult situation. I think the only way that I will get through it is to live the ugly reality and get past it. ( sigh)

January 16, 2007
4:14 pm
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itsanewday
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Im sorry, I didnt mention that I appreciate your reply. Thank you for responding.

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