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Self-Mastery vs Others Mastery
July 25, 2005
12:06 pm
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Rasputin
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Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
~Lao Tzu~

Self Directed

Many of us expend a lot of energy directing other people’s thoughts and actions. Sometimes it’s our job to do so. At other times it is simply our inclination. In either case, the result is often frustration, passive resistance or outright rebellion. When it comes right down to it, we can be responsible only for our own behavior and state of mind because only this is within our control. While we can strive to influence, encourage and support growth in others; we can command it only in ourselves.

July 25, 2005
12:50 pm
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D dog
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Well said. I really needed to hear this today. Bottomed out over the weekend (alcohol, drugs, etc.) Hating myself.

July 25, 2005
1:57 pm
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kathygy
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D dog, please don't hate yourself. You were only trying to take care of yourself with alcohol and drugs based on childhood wounds and survival techniques. Find compassion for the wounded child in you. You can change your life at any moment. Next time you consider using drug and alcohol remember how badly you felt about it afterwards. You can learn to make life affirming choices to take care of yourself like going to 12-step meetings, calling a friend, meditating, whatever you think will help you feel better. You can practice nurturing yourself by saying loving things to yourself in the mirror. It really works. You deserve to feel happy, whole and complete.

love,
kathy

July 25, 2005
3:37 pm
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dazed and confused
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Very true, I seem to "master" everyone but me..ofcourse it's easier to solve someone else's problems.

July 25, 2005
4:05 pm
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2bstrong
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Dear Rasputin...

This is very timely for me right now. The higher power is requesting that I master myself...my own will is desparately trying to seek it's own course.

I will patienly await my personal transformation...

with love, 2b.

July 25, 2005
4:11 pm
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sewunique
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Thank you, Ras,

A very good reminder when I feel 'guilty' that I am being 'selfish' in thinking about myself or working SO HARD on all of this to move forward!!!

Geez, think I will do something special I been wanting to do for my new place. thanks, why do we feel soooguilty in doing for ourselves? This item is just sprucing up the pkace, but have been feeling guilty about spending a few dollars. Thanks, again!

Sew

July 25, 2005
5:14 pm
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D dog
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kathygy,

Thank you.

July 25, 2005
10:54 pm
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sdesigns
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Thanks, Ras.

Ddog- where have you been?

Sew: Go ahead and spend the money- fix up your place- its the new life you're setting up for yourself so go for it. I've been working on my place and its exciting. Money has just been flying out of my checkbook and I don't even care. I'm a very frugal gal but this feels gggooooodddddd.

July 25, 2005
11:43 pm
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Anonymous
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I've often said, "The world would be such a better place if people would just do what I tell them to do!"

Dohhhhhhhhhh!!! *smile*

July 26, 2005
1:21 pm
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D dog
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Hi SD!

Well, I've been hanging out with H., partying constantly, thinking everything was going great.

Recently, I had begun to get sick of the drinking every time we were together, and had mentioned that I wanted more from a relationship and from life. He seemed to agree, and I was really hopeful.

Last Wednesday, he went to New York to visit his relatives for his birthday. Every time I heard from him he was drunk...on Friday, I called him and he was at a bar with "an old friend" (female), and one of her friends (also female)...said he would call me later and then didn't answer his phone for hours. When he finally did call, he was all like, "What are you doing? Who are you with?" accusing me of wrong doing. Then he hung up on me and wouldn't take my calls. I figured, f**k it, and got super drunk and also indulged in some serious drug use.

Still awake on Saturday morning, I received a call from him and was apparently completely incoherent (don't remember the conversation). Didn't hear from him again, and felt oh-so-guilty. Sunday, I remained sober, and did some serious thinking. As of now, I haven't had a drink since Saturday, and flushed the rest of the "contraband" (a good $30 worth, but who cares?) No more of this crap for me. I left him a voicemail Sunday evening telling him as much, also told him I loved him.

I guess I have come to the conclusion that if we can't be sober together and have a relationship, then we actually don't have anything at all. This has broken my heart completely, and I have been deeply depressed. But obviously, our relationship as it stands has brought out the worst in me.

H. did leave me a voicemail Sunday night (1:30 a.m. New York time, and not at all sober), saying he was disappointed in me but he knows we have to talk, hopes I'm okay, etc. He returned last night (late), haven't heard from him today. Not sure how to proceed from here, just know that if he doesn't want a relationship on my terms, I have to walk.

I am miserable!!!

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