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Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
November 19, 2001
2:06 am
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clockwork
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This is my first time here and I've read several posts, all of which have given truthfull advice. I guess I'm asking for truth also.
I broke up (three months ago) with my boy friend of two years (I know you must be tired of hearing relationship sob stories)who was a recovering alcoholic. I met "Bob" when he was an alcoholic and told him that I didn't want to get into a relationship with someone who was "sick" (little did I know how sick I was). He promised he would quit and as far as I know he did. Yet, he didn't trust me or understand his own feelings. I thought well, he's sober therefore, he has to re-learn how to feel and trust. I trusted and waited and nothing. He was always sorry for being inconsiderate, jealous or just plain mean. Our relationship was centered around him and flowers. At the end of the two years, I had a collection of dead "I'm sorry" roses on half of my wall. And then, something happened-my grandfather (whom I was very close to) passed away and I moved into my grandparents house to take care of my grand-mother. At this point, my life is just a tad bit stressfull and my relationship with "Bob" is falling apart.
I was always dependant on Bob, but now it was ridiculous. I sought him for peace of mind, for light touches and soft kisses. And he did give me those things when he could. I guess it wasn't enough and one night I went out with several friends drank (which I did do socially-maybe once every two or three months) and did drugs (which I have tried yet, don't do) and kissed someone else. (Not only did I fall but I fell flat on my face.) A kiss (that's all) but, it was enough (it was his worst fear-that I would cheat on him)and I did and I told him. I didn't consciously kiss that guy in an effort to hurt Bob (but looking back I know that I was unhappy and that was my escape-however wrong an escape it was). It was also another incident in my life when I have someone repeatedly telling me "You're going do this or I'm afraid you're going to do this" and then me doing it. We stayed together for a month after that. During that time and afterwards he told everyone what I had done and how horrible I was. Even though, he did all of this I still wanted him to love me. It has been three months since we've stopped seeing each other and he has never once called to see how I'm doing (during this time I have). His mother even called to tell me that he's drinking heavily and that he's putting his life in danger and that I should help him (save him is more like it). I can't help him; He hates that he ever loved me and I still love him and a part of me feels that I always will. He's moved on and I want to move on, I just don't know how.

November 19, 2001
2:29 am
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damaged
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From past experience the only thing that work for me was TIME and to talk about it just like you are here. And you are very right he has to help him self about the drinking thing. Like I hear in AA all the time and this shall pass. I have to tell myself that all the time about stuff. Hang in there and learn for this and become a stonger person from it.

November 19, 2001
3:11 am
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gingerleigh
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Big hug out to you, Clockwork.

How long were you in the relationship with "Bob"? I have heard that it takes half the period of the relationship to really get over it. Allow yourself some time to get over it, you want to move on, and that is good. But this cannot be rushed. It's not like you can wake up one day and say "I want to run a marathon today" and go do it. You have to train, go a tad bit further each week. Week one you get half a mile. The next week you can do a full mile. Then maybe three weeks later you've done two miles... until a few months later you realize you can run for a full hour straight because you made your body ready to do that. So you must make your mind and heart ready to run the marathon of moving on.

Three months is no time at all, you are doing just fine. *hug*

November 19, 2001
1:14 pm
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Molly
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There is a reason for everything, and sometimes that is hard to remember. Like Gingerleigh states, time is what you need. His mother calling is a desperate plea, that you must ignore, as you well know. You sound like your really on the right path, just perhaps sorta lonely right now, the holidays do that to a person. focus on Grandma, and make a nice dinner. Be patient with your self, think foreward.

November 19, 2001
4:30 pm
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Ladeska
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I guess the real question here is - what did you learn about yourself in all of this? Not - what did you learn about him, but what about you?

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