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Secret Boyfriend
September 20, 2001
5:59 pm
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GiGi
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September 30, 2010
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Hi - I need your advice. I have been married to a guy for 7 years and for the past 2 months, all we do is fight. I lost interest in sex with him and he forced me to do it with him occassionally. I don't love him anymore because of his verbal abuse. So the secret I've got is that I got a boyfriend that my husband didn't know, but I'm sure he suspected it. My boyfriend and I were friends for 8 months before we finally kissed 3 wks ago. We did NOT have sex at all and I'm not planning to, due to religious reason. He made me the happiest lady in the world and he is so much fun to be with. He is more open minded and better communcation.

Why don't I love my husband anymore? Because we broke up several times before we got married. Then after we got married, we got into huge fights and we separated until we found out that I got pregnant on purpose by him. We stick together because of the baby. That was 4 years ago. I know in my heart that he doesn't really love me and he has to stay with me becuz of son. I feel it's not right. I want someone to love me.

What do you think what's going on with my life? I'm like, boy am I so confused! I eventually went over to see the lawyer and ask about the divorce, so I may eventually do that. By the way, I forgot to add something....about my boyfriend - I lied to him that my hubby doesn't lives with me right now and the divorce will be final in a month (I haven't file it yet). It seems to me that I'm hurting everybody's feeling, especially my mother. My mother doesn't want me to leave my hubby because she likes him. I guess she's afraid not being able to see her grandson if divorce is happened. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

September 20, 2001
8:28 pm
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ranmar1
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September 29, 2010
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Gigi
What kind of religion do you practice, that it's okay to sneak around and "kiss" your "boyfriend", while you are still married, but you didn't have sex? Are you married still or not, and if so, why are you not taking care of your problem in the home first, before adding to your problems with another boyfriend, who you state you are lying to also. It appears that you are living a life of a lie to everyone, including yourself. I suggest you take a step back, see a counselor, and figure out if your marriage is over. If so, I would file, and wait until it's through before starting up another relationship. What kind of role modeling is this for your child too?
Just my 2 cents from a male perspective.......Good luck........

September 20, 2001
8:35 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Your really in the mess of things right now. All due to your choices and actions. Now come all the lessons. you trapped this man who obviously has some character, a) he did marry you, b) mom see's something in him c) he is putting up with your monkey business.
What makes your religion draw the line at sex, you mean that intimate conversations are not infidelity? Kissing is not infidelity? You are committing adultry, no matter how you try to justify your behavior, and your husband is not stupid that is why you are fighting. you are trying to be in two places at the same time, and that is impossible, you think he can't tell that your emotionally not there? What about your son, is this the picture of a mom you want him to have, and why the heck are you not spending time with him vs lover boy?
The truth is ultimately you are cheating your self, and not real deserving of what you have, even lied to the boy friend, if he has any character, he will drop you like a hot potatoe, once he gets the truth. if you want some one to love you, then you have to love your self first, and this is not self loving behavior. The consequences are going to be more than you can manipulate to change in your direction one day.
consider dropping the boy friend for a while and get into some counseling. look at what you do have before you loose it all, and for goodness sake don't spill the truth on hubby he doesn't deserve it. if marriage, honesty, a family, and character is not what you want right now, then be honest with your husband, and spare him the insanity of wondering what he can do to make it better, or working with some one who is only kissing another.
Sometimes we get selfish and needy, and act out with out a bit of common sense, or the consequences. Perhaps it is all catching up to you, so seek some one to sort out your impulsive and apparently manipulative behavior.
it won't work for ever, and some day you might be in such a dark hole you can't get out of. I know some of this may appear to be harsh, but the ultimate intent is to save you. please think carefully before your next move.

September 21, 2001
1:09 pm
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pam g fu
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September 24, 2010
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Girl, why are you with that man? Don't use your child as the excuse. Your child would be better off if you are happy and no fighting around. Go on with your life, leave the past behind. You can't make someone love you.

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