Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
SD and all - D dog is back and messed up...
July 26, 2005
1:46 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi SD!

Well, I've been hanging out with H., partying constantly, thinking everything was going great.

Recently, I had begun to get sick of the drinking every time we were together, and had mentioned that I wanted more from a relationship and from life. He seemed to agree, and I was really hopeful.

Last Wednesday, he went to New York to visit his relatives for his birthday. Every time I heard from him he was drunk...on Friday, I called him and he was at a bar with "an old friend" (female), and one of her friends (also female)...said he would call me later and then didn't answer his phone for hours. When he finally did call, he was all like, "What are you doing? Who are you with?" accusing me of wrong doing. Then he hung up on me and wouldn't take my calls. I figured, f**k it, and got super drunk and also indulged in some serious drug use.

Still awake on Saturday morning, I received a call from him and was apparently completely incoherent (don't remember the conversation). Didn't hear from him again, and felt oh-so-guilty. Sunday, I remained sober, and did some serious thinking. As of now, I haven't had a drink since Saturday, and flushed the rest of the "contraband" (a good $30 worth, but who cares?) No more of this crap for me. I left him a voicemail Sunday evening telling him as much, also told him I loved him.

I guess I have come to the conclusion that if we can't be sober together and have a relationship, then we actually don't have anything at all. This has broken my heart completely, and I have been deeply depressed. But obviously, our relationship as it stands has brought out the worst in me.

H. did leave me a voicemail Sunday night (1:30 a.m. New York time, and not at all sober), saying he was disappointed in me but he knows we have to talk, hopes I'm okay, etc. He returned last night (late), haven't heard from him today. Not sure how to proceed from here, just know that if he doesn't want a relationship on my terms, I have to walk.

I am miserable!!!

July 26, 2005
1:57 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

D dog, good for you! That's great that you are choosing your own recovery over your boyfriend. Its not possible to have a relationship when drugs and heavy alcohol use is involved. I know how sad the ending of a relationship can be but it would be more sad if you were to stay in a destructive relationship. I think the next step is to be completely honest with your boyfriend and tell him what you have said here about the kind of relationship you want and the kind you don't want. He has no right to be disappointed in you given his own drinking behavior. He needs to take an honest look at himself and not project on to you. He's probably very disappointed in himself. You are on the right track to self care. Stay strong and committed to your recovery.

love,
kathy

July 26, 2005
5:01 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

D dog, I am so sorry that this has happened. It's no picnic going through the misery of a broken heart, while at the same time looking in at our own behaviours and those of the people we love.

Perhaps since posting this, you have heard from him and had a talk. Things may be changing for the better. I hope so.

In the meantime, try to give yourself a break and know that whatever happens you will make sense of it all in the end..be gentle with yourself..

~love charlie~XX

July 26, 2005
5:05 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks you guys. I haven't heard from him yet, and don't think I should be the first to make contact. I basically said all that I had to, and what happens now is going to be up to him. Either he is serious and wants a committment with me, or he's not and just wants a drinking and/or f-buddy.

The more that I look back on the past, the more I realize that I've been drinking with him so much because I don't want to really know the answer to this question. Because deep inside, I already do know.

July 26, 2005
5:14 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear D dog,

I am so proud of you for the doing the difficult but right thing.

I know it's not easy to end up a relationship even if is not healthy. However the payoffs are befenicial for you now and forevermore.

You go girl, all the best!

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

July 26, 2005
5:23 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Raz. I really hope I'm wrong about him, and that he wants to change too - but I'm done with the codep thing, if it's true let him prove it.

In the meantime, I have to stand my ground, because if I don't I will continue to be hurt, and worse, hurt myself.

He's not a bad guy, really - just insecure and codep himself. We're peas in a pod, so to speak. But maybe just not good for each other right now.

How have you been, by the way? How is your sweet kitty-cat? My kitten has grown into a monster - he loves to attack everyone and everything (in a playful way, but still, the bites hurt!) Can't wait to get him neutured! Maybe I can get a package deal and bring H. with him - LOL!!

July 26, 2005
5:45 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

D dog, do not give up on your bf. Miracles happen every day. So honey even if you detach from him, keep your hopes up. If this guy really loves you, he would do all he can for the relationship.

This is what I am doing with my friend as well. We need to give people chance even if we detach from them. Who knows they might surprise us.

I have ordered the book Codependent no more, and enrolled on Coda meetings on line to help me better my codep issues. I can hardly wait to receive it.

Kitty and me are ok. I have shaved her fur, she looks like a princess.

It is great to hear from you. We all missed you here, you did not come on here for such long period.

Welcome back, all the best!~RAS~

PS: It would be great if we could neuter all men at least temporarily till we have them for ourselves. They can NOT live without sex!!!

July 27, 2005
5:02 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi guys. I'm back, had a doozy of a night last night, where do I begin?

Sent H. an email, just saying welcome home from NY, hoping we could talk...he sent back a polite but cold reply, saying he was tired, maybe later in the week. So I left him a voicemail after work, saying I had done a lot of thinking, and hoped he respected me enough to at least listen. He didn't reply.

I met STBX for dinner, and we talked at great length about the situation. He ended up leaving H. a voicemail telling him to step up and talk to me and figure out what we both want. (This is not as strange as it seems - H. knows him fairly well, and has given STBX advice in the past). Anyway, this apparently spurred H. into action, he called and began berating me, saying I just didn't understand, he was angry because he and I had "made a pact" not to do drugs anymore, and he was furious that I broke it. He was pretty horrible to me, saying that he didn't bring me a single thing back from NY and actually had purchased a gift for me that he subsequently gave to his mother because he was so disgusted with me. Ouch.

So I burst into tears in the restaurant and hang up on him, STBX gets me out of there, we're in the parking lot and H. calls back repeatedly till I answer. I tell him that I'm sorry, I made a mistake - he's not buying it, so I go, "Well you SLEPT NAKED with your EX and I forgave you!" He's quiet for a minute, and then goes, "Good point". He then decides he wants me to come home so we can talk. I'm crying super hard by now, can barely talk, and he decides to get worried about whether I can drive home safely, and I'm like, "What difference does it make??" and he's like, "Just call me when you get home!"

So, I get home and go over to his place, and we proceeded to talk about everything...I explained that I've been insecure in our relationship because he has been so "non-committal", and when he was getting drunk in New York, I just kind of gave up, etc. I told him that I didn't believe he loved me, and would never want to commit, and he said "That's not true". He then went on to say that he had great things planned for me/us, front row Neil Diamond tickets (!!!), a cruise, a trip to Australia to see his son, etc. (Explanation - he received a multi-thousand dollar birthday check from his rich uncle, and has been broke lately, and was excited that he now could do things for me).

Well, I felt pretty crappy at that point. Then he goes, "You were so wasted, you should hear the voicemails you left me, I saved them!" And I was like, "Yeah? I saved yours, too - wanna hear those??" And he was like, "Touche."

We then agreed that we had both made mistakes, he ended up apologizing for hurting me, told me he loves me and IS committed to me, wants to take me shopping, and even wanted to take me to Vegas to get married that instant. (Then he remembered that I was still married to STBX, so nix on that). And yeah, he was buzzed by that time as well.

So I was depressed and wanted to go home, he didn't want me to leave, so I stayed over. This morning, things seemed okay, but I'm sure it's not that simple. Now BOTH of us have trust issues...

I did make it clear to him that I was not interested in being his drinking buddy any longer, he said he thought I was happy with him, and I remarked that happy people don't drink every day. So we'll see what happens with that.

Ah, life!!

One thing's for sure, I'll never do drugs again. I guess everything happens for a reason, no??

Thanks for reading.

D dog

July 27, 2005
5:52 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ddog,

I can relate soooo much to your post.

I had the same type of relationship with my b/f. When things finally came to head and I decided I'd had enough...I told him that I was giving up alcohol and making some changes in my life....he could either come along with me or continue going down the drain....the choice was his. Two weeks later he called and said he wanted to stop drinking and drugging.

In two weeks, it will have been one year since either of us had a drink. Believe me it hasn't been perfect and we still have our share of problems, but thankfully they are no longer clouded by drugs and alcohol.

I know how hard it is and I believe you are doing the right thing.

Stay strong and good luck.

Lolli

July 27, 2005
6:27 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks, Lolli. I think if we love each other enough, we will get through this. These past few days have just been the price we've had to pay for all that party time...and let me tell ya, it certainly isn't worth it.

I suppose we're probably lucky that it caught up to us now before something really bad happened, like an overdose or accident, etc.

I feel thankful right now rather than upset.

Take care -
D.

July 27, 2005
6:55 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi D dog: I was wondering how you've been and saw your post on another thread. Sorry to hear things aren't going smoothly- I thought maybe you and H had settled into some kind of relationship bliss- guess I was wrong. At least you seem to be talking about things with each other which is good. And recognizing the drinking /drugging problems are a good start- its not easy to just up and quit. But committing yourself to stopping is a great start.

Good to hear from you. Keep it up the good work and hang in there! SD

July 28, 2005
4:55 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, another setback. We were supposed to go see the Scorpions on Saturday night, and today I emailed H. to reconfirm, and he sent back an email saying he invited someone else when he was in New York because of what I did.

Then he's like, "Sorry if I hurt you!"

F**k him.

Someone who can give up that easily is not worth the struggle.

July 28, 2005
5:08 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

D dog

This guy is the King of hypocrisy and the Count of manipulation...it's all part of the game playing that keeps limerent love alive...

I know it hurts, but try to keep a part of you intact - even if it's only a tiny piece of you right now, so that when he spins you around like this, you have someone solid and real and true to hold onto - you..

~love charlie~XXX

July 28, 2005
6:37 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks, Charlie.

I sent him an email that said, "Enjoy your revenge". He wrote back, "What's that supposed to mean?"

I just couldn't be bothered to explain how mean and petty his actions are right now; so I just wrote back, "Have fun at the show".

Think he'll put 2 and 2 together?

Anyway, what he doesn't realize is that every time he even mentions this concert in the future, it's going to hurt me all over again. And he's mad about the Scorpions (I'm not, but we'd been planning to go together for weeks), and this is now something that we can just never share.

Wonder if he feels that way about the coke? Maybe he's the addict.

July 29, 2005
1:04 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ddog: Is this a date he's taking to the concert? After inviting you? Not cool. Did he buy the tickets? If he broke the date with you, why can't he break the date w/ the new one? Its not like he has integrity at this point. Can you maybe plan to go out somewhere else on concert night and have some fun w/ friends? Let him know you're not dependent on him and his games to have a good time. Even better, get some concert tickets and go w/ someone else! Ha! SD

July 30, 2005
3:12 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, turns out he is not taking a "date", but is going with his ex-wife, and spending the whole weekend with her to boot.

He also emailed me yesterday to let me know that it wasn't even the drug thing that pissed him off, he's just been feeling "smothered" lately, and wants to be able to do what he wants without feeling "guilty", although that doesn't include "having sex with other women".

Maybe codep me was just a bit too needy with him? And codep him feels like he has to spread himself thin with everyone he knows to feel worthy.

Sent him this email today:

Sorry I called you a c**t last night, I normally have more class than that.
I guess the fact that you have made me feel so badly about myself for the past
week just so you could break up with me caused me to totally lose it. That's
pretty much the worst thing anyone has ever done to me. (Especially considering
you "made love" to me Tuesday - just wanted a last piece of ass from me, huh?
Nice going, I even believed the Vegas crap, how fucking stupid am I?)
>
> I'm also sorry that someone loving you makes you feel "smothered". And that
you didn't respect me enough to even have a discussion with me about it.
>
> I can't understand why you would rather live in the past, with the women who
dumped you and bailed on your marriage, than have a future with someone who
really cared, and would have stuck by you to the end.
>
> But I guess some things are not meant to be understood by me; it's between
you and God, isn't it?
>
> You're free now, H, I hope you enjoy your life. And you can always
consider me a friend, it's not my place to judge you. All I can do is make
sure that I do not give you the power to ever hurt me again...and after all,
you did warn me from the very beginning - I should have listened.
>
> Please call me Sunday so we can tie up loose ends...took me 6 trazodones to
get to sleep last night, and I can't keep doing that shit...if you really need
to let me go, then please do it with some class.
>
> Enjoy Scorps tonight.
>
> - D -

Funny, he actually replied, even though he is at his ex's place:

Thank you for your email.

Just for the record, I feel absolutely terrible.....more so for putting you
through this emotional rollercoaster. I know you deserve better and I hope
that we can talk on Sunday and maybe get on some kind of track together as I
too value your friendship (I know, I have a funny way of showing it)

I'm going to pick up the Neil tickets this afternoon so I will have them if you
still want to go. I know that sometimes things are said out of haste, anger and
uncertainty so the way you reacted was normal and also just.

Please know that I don't want you to be unhappy and that I will always do what
I can to help you.

Let's just leave it at that for now and hopefully get together on Sunday.

Enjoy your day as best you can!!!

Take Care,
H

So I sent him a short reply:

Thank you.

Don't feel terrible, you did the best you could and I respect that.

Hey, not everyone can be as cool as me! LOL!

Have a great day -

D.

So that's my sad tale...I hope I am handling things well - I'm going to make a pot of chicken soup today as therapy, and maybe go swimming. Any feedback from the group would be appreciated at this point, sorry if this whole scenario is getting boring...It's been pretty hard for me, and I don't really know where else to turn.

Thanks!
Your friendly neighborhood dog,
D.

July 30, 2005
5:09 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow, Ddog, that doesn't sound good. The ex wife again, huh? I wouldn't like that either. I just don't think he's available to you the way you want. Maybe play it cool and give him the space he wants (hard, I know). He doesn't say anthing about staying together but does want to go to another concert w/ you- dangling a carrot out for you? Try not to let this get you down. The ups and downs are hard on a person. Maybe you need to back away and live on an even keel for awhile.

July 30, 2005
5:59 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks, SD - what you wrote is all too true.

I am working on my chicken soup (chicken minestrone, actually, a thing of beauty).

My ex just called me, and we had a really good talk about the whole thing - we have an even better relationship now than when we were married, so maybe sometimes leaving can be a good thing.

Anyway, he agrees - the reason H and I can't be together is because H does not love himself - therefore, he will never be able to give someone else the love they need.

He's with his ex because of the guilt he feels - she dumped him, probably for the same reasons that he and I are not working out...

I definitely DO need to give him space. And I will. I am even open to dating other people. Although I love him deeply, I can recognize that I am probably not what he needs right now.

So its all good, just wish I could stop drinking to self-medicate, been that way all my adult life, and it really sucks.

My friend called me earlier and suggested a hypnotist course...might try it, cuz even AA didn't work. Don't want to die in such a stupid way.

Thanks for your reply - luv ya.

D.

July 30, 2005
6:34 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ddog: What I've heard about AA is that you have to keep going- 90 times in 90 days- and go to different meetings. there are dif folks in dif groups and you may find one that you really click with. i used to drink ALOT but once i told off my mother and said everything I felt about her- voila- didn't need to get drunk anymore. Guess I faced some issues! Don't have the need to drink like a fish anymore but got to admit once or twice a year I slip big time. Have you thought about why you drink so much? Maybe exploring that will help. SD

July 30, 2005
7:23 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey SD -

Thanks so much fo being here - it's saturday, kid - you should be out and about!

Anyway, the reason I drink is two-fold, the physical addiction and the emotional addiction.

The physical - I feel a horrible, crawling, gnawing feeling in my gut when I haven't had a drink; guess that happens to everyone.

The emotional - I am so afraid of the future. I am so afraid that I am not good enough for this world. I need to block out everything, because I am too afraid of being hurt.

Does this make sense at all?

My soup is almost done, came out great! Wish I had someone to share it with. (I know, wah wah, feeling sorry for myself!) Wish I had more strength...maybe I need to pray. Ras, are you there? Skip up to Lib Brew?

God, I am so down, yet so hopeful. What a weird set of feelings.

July 30, 2005
9:02 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ddog: Enjoy the soup! I'm shampooing my carpets today, have to do it in stages, move furniture, wait for it to dry (so I go lay out by the pool) and them come back and haul around more furniture, do a little more. A long darn day.

Re: the drinking- yeah that all makes sense. My Mom used to always pick, pick, pick at me, so I KNEW I wasn't good enough. After all, that what my own MOTHER told me. Plus I've always been sort of shy so loosening up w/ drink helped me w/ my social inhibitions, or so I thought. Really I just made a fool of myself.

You're not the only one afraid of the future. I think I will never have a loving partner and that makes me really sad. Plus I've been hurt so badly I am really afraid to even try to find someone. I just don't want to go thru that ever again. So then I think I am destined to be alone and that's depressing too. Don't know what the answers are but you are not alone in your feelings. SD

July 31, 2005
1:18 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi SD - it's now Sunday. H actually had the audacity to bring his whole "posse" over to his balcony to party last night before the Scorpions concert, I live across from him, I got a little wave.

What a piece of s**t.

I went out with my friend K., and actually didn't get drunk, had maybe 4 drinks the whole night. I did, however, do 2-3 lines of crystal meth during the course of the evening; I'm not proud of that fact, but it took the pain away and I didn't get "wasted", by any means. I really do hate that s**t, not my "drug of choice"...but I've been nearly suicidal this week, and it kept me going. I don't plan to do it again--I want to get better and be more confident, and recover from the emotional abuse that H has inflicted upon me...he really had me believing that he wanted a life with me, and it was such a kick in the face to find out otherwise.

No excuse to abuse myself, I know - but I suppose that admitting a problem is the first step to a solution, so here we go.

Today does not promise to be a good day, by any means. H's last email suggested that he wanted to "get together" today to "talk". I can't see it happening, though...he's still out at his ex's, and why would he rush home for me? Why do I continually set myself up for disappointment?

K's boyfriend and his friend actually congratulated me on the break-up last night; they think H is not worthy of me. I need to look at the reality and stop being codep with him, thinking I can make his life better when he doesn't want to be with me at all. Why do I do this? How can I "love" someone who would hurt me so blatantly??

Only got 3 hours sleep last night, having coffee and wondering what to do next, besides sit here and wait for H to get home. What the hell is my problem?????

July 31, 2005
1:28 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ddog: There is a thread up now by Ras about Women who Love Too Much. Maybe if you read that- the part about addictive relationships- it may help. I don't think H is ever going to treat you the way you want, and if you keep going back for more, you're just going to keep getting hurt. You have to accept him for who he is and if you're not happy w/ that, then think about what you DO want. You can't change him- what you see is what you get. We gals tend to stay in relationships hoping that they will eventually evolve into one that we are happy in but that rarely happens. I think you deserve to be happy, Ddog, and I think you do too. Its up to you whether you continue to accept this treatment or recognize that this isn't good for you and isn't going to change. I'm glad you went out last night. SD

July 31, 2005
1:46 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh honey, I uunderstand your heartache! It's hard to pull it all together sometimes when we are knee deep in it. Your bf is yanking your chain, but I think you know that already. He is trying to purposely hurt you...are you gonna keep letting him do that?

I think the first thing you must do is to stop beating up yourself. Doesn't matter what you did yesterday. That day is GONE! TODAY IS A NEW DAY, AND YOU GET ANOTHER CHANCE!!! I saw you posting yesterday, and said a prayer for you. God loves you so much, and He's waiting so patiently for you to turn to Him.

Please don't let your bf rule your emotions one more day! Take back your life, nurse yourself back to life today, one minute at a time if you have to, then the fog will begin to clear a little and you will have a better idea of what you need to do concerning this relationship. He's making BAD choices...don't go down with the ship, sweetie! You can do this, and we are all here for you! Love yourself:)

July 31, 2005
4:02 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

D dog,

Just wondering how your talk with H went. I know things are really tough for you right now, but there is also a tone in your posts which suggests that you have maybe taken enough of the false promises, and the fanatasies which H offers you then takes away from you, and are in a preparation mode to cope with however this works out.

Lots of us fall back on old habits - like drink and drugs (I have had a few setbacks with regards to vodka and wine lately), but, despite this, you have a lot of wholesomeness in your life and tons of self-love. You made homemade chicken minestrone soup for you...true nuturing behaviour!!

Alot of what you feel for H, is a form of addiction and it's so much harder when you can't keep him out of sight, locked away in a cabinet with the lid screwed on tight... instead he is close by all the time, and also he's got a life and a mind of his own, and he knows your weak spots. I think he also loves you in a way he doesn't really understand. His lack of ability to commit is the big question here.

I hope things get easier, and start to make more sense, and that you get what you want, and need in the end..

~love charlie~XX

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110962
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
JayGriffin212, Youse1937, Cannabeme, charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information