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Screaming from the Hilltops
March 29, 2000
3:19 pm
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When we feel the need to scream from the hilltops to others, we are, in a sense, out of balance with ourselves…we are in an excited state, not yet stable.

What is it that can cause someone with codependency to "scream from the hilltops".

Anyone care to talk about this issue?

- SC

March 29, 2000
7:13 pm
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janes
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for me it is when i am not in control of the peole I am not in control of..

I like to THINK that I control my children. However, they quite often, by their behaviors and grades, let me know that I (Great white Mommy) am not at al in control.

Then, when I see trouble abrewing I can feel it right donw to my gut.

Then I want to scream

I have improved a great deal since I began detaching. Letting other peoples problems be their problems, trying not to take responsibility for their problems, realizing..even just in my head, that I cannot "fix" their problems.

Even these steps have not helped me stop being...anxious about their wellbeing. Or less enabling. the enabling stuff I don't quite understand yet.

March 29, 2000
8:06 pm
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Molly
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I have to agree that if it is joy based its manic, been there and it felt so good that I wanted to share the glory of joy with all, and scream to God, that I got it, I found and it had been so long.
The other when still stuck is I have to agree controll. We are right and not being heard. My way is the only way, not allowing others to be themselves, and needing to controll them my way. Thoughts.

March 30, 2000
9:49 am
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janes,

Enabling can allow others to take control of US.

There are also many "pay-offs" that can result from enabling. Can you think of any 'pay-offs' that you might get from enabling?

In another philosophical realm, enabling could be thought of as the 'ultimate' in letting others make their own decisions….by enabling, we allow others to take their own 'bad' decisions to their own extremes, even unhealthy ones that they have chosen.

- SC

March 30, 2000
10:10 am
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Cici
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I think sometimes I get frustrated at myself, for feeling like I'm not in control, for feeling afraid, for feeling so anxious in cuts into my gut.

I remember when I was little I used to stand up and say the same thing over and over again, louder and louder until someone actually heard me and listened to me.

It's funny how the littlest criticism of your beliefs, behaviors or opinions will make you suddeny get angry and defensive. When you think about it, it shouldn't matter that much, since we all have our own beliefs, especailly when it comes to psychotherapy.

March 30, 2000
11:51 am
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KSUE
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I have always tried to be a very calm and collected person. When I feel like I need to scream or lose it. I push that feeling further down into my gut. I know this is not heathy, but I just never have wanted to rock the boat. Just get along, that was my way of surviving my marriage for so long. Now when I feel the need to scream of lose it I don't know how to let it out. I have held back so long I don't know how to get any kind of relief or release.

I don't yell at my kids, or my ex, even when we are fighting over issues in our divorce. I don't like that angry person and I refuse to be. I want to be happy and help my kids to grow up healthy. I wish I knew how to do that. I hope this makes some sort of sense.?.
KSUE

March 30, 2000
1:28 pm
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janes
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Payoffs.....sometimes it doesn't seem like there are "payoffs." Just pain and anxiety. Let's see. I will have to observe and see what the payoffs might be...

sometimes..tho' rarely..I DO SCREAM..the actuality of the scream is very satisfying..

March 30, 2000
1:41 pm
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eve
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sc, good thread.

I think I get this urge to SCREAM (or preach) at people, when I realize that they don't agree to a belief of mine, something that is very close to my life - and somtething that is important to me - and when I feel very much threatened when I feel I could loose it. I think it's my own feeling of insecurity that brings me to overdo things in this direction.

The reason is usually that I haven't quite seen "it" through yet. For example I was preaching and screaming about women's rights a lot when I was younger. I sometimes got really upset. The older I got and the more comfortable whith being a woman - the less I was rambling about women's lib. Now I just live it - as far as possible. I still find the topic very important. And I fight sometimes for my rights or for other women's rights. But I don't feel the urge to go out on a mission for political correctness. And I think the reason that the "screaming and preaching" part went away is that I got rid of these little demons inside my head telling me "you aren't worth anything because you are a woman".

April 1, 2000
9:13 pm
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soos
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I get scared when I can't seem to hold it together any more, and I know "it's" going to come out one way or another, and I don't want to do anything drastic, but I feel I must or I... I don't know. I have found 1 person whom I can call on, and let it vent, without fear of judgment or recrimination. She will pray for me, and some semblance of peace will resume. But it's still there, kinda lurking, building up steam again. Other people don't tend to push these buttons. It's an inner turmoil. Just don't let me do anything stupid...Please!

April 2, 2000
8:53 am
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janes
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Sounds like you need to vent daily so tht the "stuff " doesn't build up to a dangerous level.

Or maybe weekly.

If you were dealing the issues that are frustrating you it may be easier to deal with the anger.

Perhaps you friend knows a pastor you could speak with reg. Or perhaps you should find a counselor that could help you defuse what ever is causing the inner turmoil.

Look for a book "The Dance of Anger" by Dr Harriet Lerner.

Good Luck

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