Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
School Problems
September 5, 2007
8:00 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am wondering what to do bout the school nurse, she doesn't seem to believe that my child can be ill if she doesn't have a fever, I told her that my child has a history of really bad migraines and fever is usually not present during these episodes, she was rather silent with me and then said, well what do you want from me, in a rather rude tone, I said well if she feel really sick, could you not let her lie down for maybe 30 mins, and then she said well ok and hang up on me. I feel this is not professional or acceptable, she has all the paperwork on my childs health matters, she knows this is a problem, cause I had informed her of this in the beginning of the year. I know many students pull out and fake things, but my child doesn't do that, she is honest. So what can I do? Should I say anything or just let this go? Will it get worse?

We are also having a problem with the method of discipline in the school. If you forget your homework once your name is written on the board, twice, you get silent lunch, where you eat alone and are on display for others to laugh at you, I am told its rather humliating too, and third, you then removed from class and sent to a room for behavior disorders, now three strikes and your out seems rather cruel when you only get three chances in one year! My child forgot her work one day, she made a mistake and that was ok, she learned, but the second time, I accidently threw it away, and now if she does something wrong, for the rest of the year now, she will be labled as having a disorder and a removed from class. I really can understand on wanting to remain peace and order in a classroom and school but this seems to be really taking things a bit too far here, or is this how life is out there nowdays? Maybe I just have not changed with the times maybe? I am really glad I am not a child anymore, personally, I think I would homeschool myself!

I have not said anything, I do not want to appear to be a trouble maker here, I do want her to learn responsiblity but I also hate to see her so scared that she cries, starts to suck her thumb at night and start acting really scared of school, my child was terrified to go to school today, I told her it would be ok, that I understood but that she would have to go in and try to do her best here.

I would really love some feedback if you all don't mind, I really have no idea what to do here! Thanks in advance too:)

September 5, 2007
8:26 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

talk to the guidance counselor. ask about options. are there other schools? other classes? is this just one teacher. on the migraines, go to your doctor and get written instructions on how to respond to your daughter's health condition.

this really sucks, but as long as your daughter knows you are advocating on her behalf that's a good thing.

bonni

September 5, 2007
8:34 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I would like to do that, but I am afraid that they will make me the problem and tell me I am being oversentitivve and maybe not a good parent. I have done that in the past with her other school and they still did not follow through, the dr had actually gotten ugly with the nurse cause she went by subejective diagnosis, but then the nurse starting acting funny towards me, incinuating things...We moved and are in a new school, I am scared the whole thing would happen again here, she did agree to now let her lie down if she felt ill with no fever, so we will see here. The only other school is a private one, which we can't afford. Yea, she knows I will if its warranted, and sadly I think it is this time here. She also cried out in her sleep last night, calling me for help, went in and she was fine, I think she actually had nightmares of going back to school this am, I know if I went over there, I would be in tears and looked at as if I am unstable or something, cause I cry really easily...so for now, I am just sitting here, wondering how to handle this if it gets ugly, my child is very well behaved, she has her moments, but in no way does she have any discipline problems, she had all e's last year for excellent behavior and is rather submissive and does her work and listens, in fact she often complained bout how some other kids were always talking and acting out, I also seen her in class, she is shy and stays in her chair. So for her to forget her homework one more time this year, and it could happen, will label her as behavior imparied and taken out of the class, for three times not turning in homework, good god there are kids who bully and bring knives to the schools and they get less of a sentence here! What is wrong??? Something seems just wrong to me!

September 5, 2007
8:38 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

what grade is she in?

September 5, 2007
8:39 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

She is in the fifth grade (Elementary School).

September 5, 2007
9:49 am
Avatar
wannabe
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

my opinion, each schools has its own set of rules which other kids and parents have to adhere to.

and yes if its too much for you, find another school, at least the nurse understood the Migraine and fever bit. but for discipline it cant be changed for only one child.

the other alternative would be to get to know more parents and if they have an issue with the discipline then maybe you have a crowd to approach the head and discuss it.

my daughter is slow in class, the teacher used to call her stupid and put her down because she was always last in finishing school assignment, even at home she adopted the "I can't attitude" I transfered her to a different school and she is more confident and is performing really well.

September 5, 2007
9:58 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Bonni, I called the asst principal and we worked it out, at least for now, thanks for your thoughtfulness and help, its appreciated!

September 5, 2007
10:08 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thats excellent. I'm glad to hear it. fifth grade was my own bad year of school.

you can work on helping her not rely much on other people's opinions and focus more on what she thinks. I do think it would be good to talk to the guidance counselor and ask for support in building your daughter's self esteem. While the focus may seem to be more on punishment, your focus has to be constructive (so you can shift their focus). I love Hannah Montana because her music is so upbeat and positive. One of her new songs is "Nobody's Perfect." Help your daughter bounce back. If her school is unsupportive, you have to make up for that. It sounds like you have some support from the Assistant Principal.

Finally, a good book to read might be How to Win Friends... by Dale Carnegie. He gives alot of insight as to what drives people to act the way they do and how you can leverage your interactions with them to mutual benefit.

best wishes,
Bonni

September 5, 2007
10:21 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((BONNI!))) thank you so much, I do need to do more for her self esteem, she is not really fitting in here, or are we, and it will take time, as we are new here and its a bit different than what we are used too here. There are a few boys who talk to her at recess, so that helps me feel better here.

She is taking cheerleading but the others are not really friendly, their parents are either, my husband and I had resorted to sitting in our car now during practice cause we get the cold shoulder, I have tried and i do take showers, its not us, its this place, its really not very welcoming but we bought a home here and we are now stuck here for awhile.

My child has told me that the only way people open up and talk to her is if she pushes her way in, she is a good person, she is not mean or the kind of person one would normally shun, she is very bright, does well in school too.

I am glad she has this attitude, cause it it were me, I would be crying in a corner somewhere!

Thanks again~!

September 5, 2007
10:59 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((Survivor))
Maybe you could look into some other extra curricular activities? Girl scouting is one good option. Also, sports teams tend to be friendlier as well. Finally, church can be a good nurturing environment to cultivate relationships. It can be really hard to fit into a new place. My family moved to a small rural community when I was very young and it took decades for them to become accepted in the community.

To be liked, you have to like others. Check out the book I mentioned.

bonni

September 5, 2007
11:22 am
Avatar
Matteo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I live in suburbia where everybody knows everybody for... generations. There is no warm welcoming here, but I just go about my bussiness and don't care what they think and talk among themselves.

You absolutely shouldn't be sitting in the car during the practice because then you will never have a chance to meet any allies, and believe me there are always some people who are more open-minded than everyone else. There are also usually others who are relatively new and don't feel welcomed as well, and those people might become your allies.

I would challenge the school rules, which don't seem to be fair at all. If you will come across as a confident person who knows what she is talking about and has logical arguments, if you will write letters to school and their supervisors, they will listen to what you hve to say. I know it is not easy going against something which seems to be in place forever, but the well-being of your daughter is more important than anything else. You cannot get emotional while speaking to them or rather burst into tears, because they will not take you seriously. You can do it after, at home.

Keep in mind that if you have legitimate complains, they will try to change something because they all want to keep their jobs. As bonni said, it will take you years to grow into the community, but it doesn't mean that the well-being of your daughter should be compromised in any way. Remember that you always have to come as a strong advocate of your daughter. You are the parent who knows her best, you are the one who has her welfare in mind and knows what she needs and this is what they are doing wrong and this what you are suggesting what they should change.

They are usually shocked at first, but if you make them listen, they will.

Good luck!

September 5, 2007
11:43 am
Avatar
Matteo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

bonni ~ "To be liked, you have to like others." I think that should read: To be liked you have to be like others.

What if you are not? I think there are many people in the community where I live whom I wouldn't like, their mentality and close minds, and I wouldn't ever want to become like them. Do I really care if they like me? Uhm, oh, hell no!

Survivorofabuse ~ if your daughter is doing well at school, those snobs will take a note, because not of all their children are doing well. Keep encouraging her, she eventually will make friends and hopefully you will as well. If the community doesn't accept you, it is because of their issues, not yours.

September 5, 2007
11:54 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Matteo,
I meant what I wrote. I think you have to take a genuine interest in other people. It takes mutual interest to build a friendship. Everyone is afraid of rejection.

I have always wanted to be liked. I guess we all do. People who sense that you are judging them or dislike them will not jump to be your friend (and this can be a good thing as you point out).

The thing is that most people have good qualities and bad qualities, and we can look for both. If on the whole, the person is someone you just don't like, then it is all good. However, if you look a little closer, some people who may be rough around the edges are really worth getting to know.

bonni

September 5, 2007
12:28 pm
Avatar
Matteo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"if you look a little closer, some people who may be rough around the edges are really worth getting to know." Sure bonni, and so am I.

If they are not secure enough to let me in, just because I am new - than tough luck for them. I am always nice and polite to strangers, I don't give cold shoulders or dirty looks, I don't ignore them, and I don't judge. But if they do just that, and the only reason for it is that they don't know me, I really don't care how nice they might be.

Not all of us want to be liked, not by everyone anyway. I want to be liked by friendly and polite people, who are genuinely interested in me, not by those who treat me like an outsider and who judge me not knowing anything about me. I really don't think I would have a successful friendship with people like that; I still will be polite, but I will keep my distance just like they do.

There are many others who are friendly and polite right away, who do appreciate me and have a lot to offer - why not giving attention to them instead?

September 5, 2007
3:16 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Matteo...I am alot like you and I used to bend to accomodate people, reach out and etc and all it got me was used and then later on, trashed into the bucket so to speak. No, I do not like everyone I met here, it is a small rural southern town...I am not here to change anyone or anything...oddly enough I might even be on agreement on many things in life with them, but since I do not speak as they do, automatically I am someone to be tolerated. Trust me, whe I say I am nice and friendly,I am very much so. It is lately that I been bit more guarded against people who wish to use me and then once they see they have no free sitter or someone they can use in some way, just fill in the blank here, I never hear from them again. I been through this before. I am told that unless I am related to someone here, life will be hard, maybe not, i hope not, cause I am not related to anyone, I do have more of a open mind I suspect than most here however I keep that to myself and I do not invite trouble for myself.

We have tried to talk to people, they literally move away from us, I mean move away, my husband and I just looked at each other, well ok, we are not people who do not shower, we are highly educated, polite and really not to be a snob here, but we have more class than most people, not to be mean here, but that might be something that they feel resentful towards us maybe. Maybe its something else too.

I listen to jazz alot, I love to read books and I love to talk to others who may not be like me, and I keep an open mind, maybe that threathens people, who knows. But we are not snobs or slobs, by anymeans. Today was a good day for her, she is often pushing her way in, my daughter demands to be noticed and she is very very much an independent girl, but who wants to be ignored? No one. She has her own mind too, she is not a herd follower, and its may show here.

But that is ok, we will survive here, we don't have to live here, we choose to live here, we could live anywhere in the world we wanted to really...but we choose this place cause its down home, people seemed have their prioriies in order, no one is pretenious or snobby, not really, I can say that for them here,there is also hardly any crime, it is a beautiful mountain rural commounity, but one we may never fit into sadly here....thats ok, we can move in 5 years maybe here...if things don't improve that is!

I am open minded enough to allow others to have their values and beliefs, I don't go around judging people or even if they do, I do not call them on it, I really desire to just get to know people who are not like me, but who do have something in common with me, there is no book club here, no barnes and noble, and no real social scence, just a few bars, which I don't go too and you have to drive about a hour down huge mountains to get to the city, a bit far for a sahm!

Thanks guys, I appreciate your kind and positive feedback, Its nice to know that people care!

September 5, 2007
3:23 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We are charter members of the new ymca and its almost built...As a family, we are going to go often and even join some classes too, I am hoping maybe that we will meet others who are health conscious and who may be ok with us being northerners...well at least try anyhow! Thanks again yall!

September 5, 2007
7:50 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow, I wish that forgetting homework was the major concern for our school.
With us we are more worred about fighting and arrests.....

Most schools do not go for the name on board for bad reasons philosophy any more. I am surprised to see that it still works. Most school try the 'catch the kid being good' model which is easier and more effective.

Meanwhile talk to the child's teacher about health concerns. Teachers care about your child more than some school nurse and the teacher may be have extra pull with the nurse.

Meanwhile get invovlved with the PTA and find a replacement for that out dated discipline policy. Many teachers hate change. ( I am one) so make suggestions and have research to back it up.
Meanwhile keep a positive realtionship with the teacher.

September 5, 2007
7:54 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The YMCA sounds like a great opportunity to make new friends.

bonni

September 5, 2007
7:57 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks...she is going to put her in a class in the am before school starts to get her some extra help, as long as i agree..how could I not? She seems nice enough but it was interesing that when my child and some other child in the class were paried up, and it did not work out, for whatever reason, it was somehow my childs fault and not the other one...I immediately picked up on that and did not say anything but just listened here...we are being relocated the company that brought us here only a month ago is leaving this area and we can go with them but its not really where we would like to be at all, but they will sell our home and it may be the only option we have here:( Despite the enviroment my child is now upset, I dont; blame her too, I am not happy either, but what can we do now?

So in a mater of two months, I have to stage a home, travel to another state, look for a home in a decent school district and manage my stress too...I am ready to take the brigdg here today, i don't know how much more i can take here, seriously...

The mother of the child, did not call me back cause I would not babgysit for her....I didnt' want too and that was the only reason she approached me, as soon as she did nothave a sitter, I did not have a friend...sick and tired of it, really am!

September 7, 2007
8:56 am
Avatar
Matteo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hmm, maybe it is all for the best? Keep strong and good luck with your search!

September 7, 2007
10:48 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Matteo))) thank you so much. Maybe it is for the best, maybe we just were round pegs trying to fit into a square board so to speak here. I don't want to be just tolerated by people or even hated. I don't know but I like for people to accept me, at some level anyhow, to some degree, I think it goes back to my abuse growing up, always needing to please and feeling worthless...anyhow..I am getting rather busy here and I might not be here as often, but willcome by and try to help others with my two cents from time to time, I hope is some way I had helped someone with my thoughts as well here.

I am scared to move, funny I been moving for over 15 years of my life here very often for either ecomonic reasons or safety issues. But I also know to be thankful for things that are also going well here, and I know things can always be much much worse. So in light of that, I will be ok. I will survive, I survived miracleously as a child, the things and people around me, were horrible to unbelievable to most folks in this world, that is ok too, I lived and I am grateful for that, so many don 't..

thank you...

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
38
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714261
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information