Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
scared I might kill myself and not remember it.
April 7, 2001
11:48 pm
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I wonder if anyone has felt this. I've had a strange life. I don't remember anything about my very young childhood. As a teenager I developed a drinking problem. I have had a drinking problem for years, however I started doing bad things to myself and not even remembering most of it. I haven't had a drink in a couple of months, because I'm scared if I drink again I might kill myself. I have started counseling and attending aa but I still feel scared. I'm not really for sure why but if any one has any in put I would love to listen. I'm really wanting to understand this behavior and feelings.

April 8, 2001
11:25 am
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well I guess you understand that drinking is not for you. Do you remember how and why you started drinking, and do you drink to get drunk, or what? Are you trying to forget? Strange life? Well aren't they all, you need to go into detail, how old are you?male?female? are you working?in school? do you think you are depressed? We are here, but need to start some where, so like have a cup of coffee, and get the killing your self out of the relm of possibilities?b

April 8, 2001
1:23 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Your subconscious is knocking on doors. Stay in counseling and if it's not a good counselor that you connect with - get another one that you do connect with - and trust.

You've gone forward as long as you can on crutches...time to sit down and listen to the person trying to get out inside. Time to lay all the pieces out on the table and start bringing your fragmented self - back together as a whole.

You've developed a way of insulating yourself, protecting you against something. It's worked for awhile - but is time to discard it and start exploring these caves with a light...and cleaning house - once and for all. You can and will pull out of this...otherwise, you wouldn't be here asking the questions. Find people that sincerely care about you and that are balanced themselves - make them hall monitors in your life. Be accountable to them. Take baby steps and stick with it. Read, educate yourself, continue talking. time to air out the attic.

April 8, 2001
5:33 pm
Avatar
crash
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't really have advice for you. I just think you deserve a pat on the back for what you are doing in getting help and to stop drinking.

April 9, 2001
11:10 am
Avatar
time4change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for your replys. I started drinking at 13, why just because someone offered it to me. I had my first blackout that night. I work full time. I have about fifteen years school never got my degree drinking got in the way. I guess Im depressed the doctor has put me on a ant-depressant. Im a gay single mother of one. As far as a strange life yes they all are. How do you know if you have a good counseler or if you are connecting with them? How do I lay all the pieces on the table? How do I clean house? How to I go about making someone hall monitors in my life? I do believe I have been protecting myself against something. What would you suggest I read? One of my big problems is I hate to be a bother to someone. I can type here because a person can chose to read It or not so Im don't feel Im a bother.

April 9, 2001
3:27 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You just need to ask yourself questions about your counselor, if you feel understood, safe and is there a comfortable feeling between you two and as time goes on - is progress being made?

You lay pieces on the table by talking, getting it out of you and by journaling. Very important for you to do both. You need to write in one notebook every day. Dreams, flashes of things, whatever goes through your head. Put it on paper at the end of the day. Try and catch your self-talk and write it down. What do you say to "you"...in the course of the day?

Cleaning house is down the road. Shouldn't have even mentioned it. Right now - you need to identify what's in your life first. So, what is in your life - activity-wise...what takes up your time work or play, friends, etc. What do you throw your energy into, good or bad or sideways?

Hall monitors? One or more good friends that have your best interests at heart, that are mature and balanced. Just stay in with them. Ask them to just keep an eye on you and to speak what's on their mind with you. You need good advice....not advice that just agrees with you or says things that are negative and destructive to you.

I need to know more about you as far reading material is concerned. Don't want to suggest something that may not help you. Do you like to read? The lack of memory does indicate trauma. One thing I do suggest you do is look up P.T.S.D. on the web. That's Post Traumatic Shock Disorder. And see if the symptoms fit you at all....

April 9, 2001
4:07 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You need to become you own hall monitor, its the biggest obstical for recovering alcoholics and drug addicts, that craving for immediate gratifacation. Start before you go to bed at night making a list of small tasks to be completed. It took a long time to get the house dirty, but you can get it together on project at a time, start with the smallest of tasks first, but follow through. 1. get up out of bed 2 get breakfast for child 3 get child clean and dressed 4 clean bathroom,hang towles,wipe sink, put clothes in laundry hamper. 5 go to work 6 pick up child. get it one foot infront of the other, then check each item off, da da you did something, time for icecream. You need balance, you need to eat right, sleep right, exercise, and an out let for rewards. Write, draw, paint, sculpt, but make goals, and complete them. Its a start, but the longer you sit and be confused, do nothing, you feed depression. It took a while to get here and you want it better or perfect right now damnit, right. Get over it it will take some time and work. You can read your eyes out, go to meetings all day, but until you start to take action, all will remain the same. So what are your goals? What do you want to do, how do you want to make it happen. You have a child who needs you, the more you blossom, the more your child will blossom. Forgive and love your self, be patient, start your simple list, work your inventory, and call your sponsor if you feel weak. I guess you can tell if your counselor is working for you by her enthusisiam for your efforts, does she give you assignments, do you follow through, do you feel heard, does she understand, how long have you seen her and do you feel like there is progress?

April 9, 2001
5:53 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Damaged.

Keep going to AA - it gets better, one day at a time.

April 9, 2001
11:52 pm
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes I feel like Im starting to have progress with my counseler. What the two of you have to say is very educating. I looked up P.T.S.D. I never saw a list of symptoms, however I did see something that caught my attention. Dissociative Disorder.. Dissociative Identity Discorder. My counselor and myself talk about this the last visit.

I was told a few years ago by my mom that my sister was made to give the male sitter oral sex when she was only six. I was three at the time and I was in the same bed. I don't rememember anything about it. My mom also told me thats about the time my personality change. What do you know about this.

April 10, 2001
5:27 pm
Avatar
time4change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dissociative Identity Disorder. Dose anyone know anything on this?

April 10, 2001
5:37 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

disconnection, this is what Cici has been dealing with to somewhat of an extent in flash back. Ladeska, and Cici might give better information than my self, but it might also give a clue as to your heavy drinking at such an early age. Repressed memory?

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
43 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109421

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714177

Newest Members:

Platonrer, vbnhtqDazy, VasyunyaDazy, Jrsamples, theodorkVar, veruhaDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer