Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
scared and hopeful
January 17, 2007
11:12 am
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well I dont know if anyone knows my situation or not so I dont know how much to put in here. My b/f has been having some really bad problems lately. I am so proud of him right now and maybe a little hopeful for him. Last night he talked to me about getting help and getting his life back on the right track. He has been rather unhappy for so long now I hope that he follows through and succeeds at this.

I am scared though. I am afraid this will be the end of he and I. I think that he is going to need all of his concentration to be centered on himself. I asked him if he wanted to stop seeing eachother last night. He said no he does not want to stop seeing me completely or to stop talking to me completely. He said he thinks maybe we will have to see less of eachother and talk less. I am afraid either way. I dont want to get in his way to self growth but I dont want to be made to feel like I am unimportant and start resenting him. I love him. I would rather tell him goodbye than end up disliking him. But to tell him goodbye would almost feel like devastation. I am not emotionally strong enough right now to go through this grieving process.

Anyway does anyone have any advice about how I can best support him in what he decides without hurting him or myself.

January 17, 2007
11:51 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

time apart is good, he will be working on himself, and you can work on your emotional needs, and still know he is your bf, just seeing less of eachother.

Think of the positives of this, if he does work on himself, he will be a better person, and you can take the time to invest in yourself and work on your needs.

I think this is all good, don't worry!

(((camer)))

January 17, 2007
3:04 pm
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Those are the positive aspects. He needs this too. He is a wonderful man but he really does need to work on himself because he is slowly dying living the way he is living right now.

But I am not in the best shape either. I do need to do more work on myself too. Part of that involves me moving. So here you have two people that love eachother both needing to go and I just dont think I am prepared for what I am sure will happen. We are not going to go the same way. I am talking about physical location. I live in a fair sized city. I want out. My kids are growing up and I dont want them to grow up here. He lives an hour and a half away from me in a little community, more or less in the country. He wants away from there. We both have to move. We both have to find jobs If we are not together the odds of us ending up close to eachother will be minimal to say the least.

I have to find a job and start living a real life. I am tired of my children living in the hood afraid to let them play outside in the yard because I dont know who or what will be out there with them. I dont let them play with the neighborhood kids here, dont know which ones are on drugs etc.etc.

They deserve to live in a home not this house that we rent from someone else. So I will stop trying to find a job that is necessarily closer to him and start broadening my search. But in the end I will lose him and I will miss out on an opportunity I am not sure will ever come around again.

I know that eventually I would probably meet someone else. But they would not be him. They would not have what we have had together. It will be like experiencing a death. I do not handle those situations well. I know this about myself. I have lost two people that I loved greatly. I made very unwise decisions while in my grief that screwed up my life at those times. I also had one relationship end badly that felt like I was again mourning someone that died and again very stupid mistakes at that time in my life.

I am not on solid enough ground right now to afford any mistakes like that. That of course makes me wrong because I should not need him, not like that.

Oh if ever there were a time to let go and let God I guess this would be one of those times. But then I have never been very good at that either.

January 17, 2007
5:00 pm
Avatar
thetbeav
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Why would he have to slow down on what you two have together in order to better himself? Isn't a relationship about clinging to each other through the hard times? A mate is someone who is supposed to stand beside you even at your worste and hold your hand on the way back up.

I dont' know the situation so I can't really comment. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Just keep your head up...

January 17, 2007
5:45 pm
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Financially and emotionally he is in a very bad place. He has been suicidal. He is losing everything. His home, his assetts. He does not think I need to be involved in all that. He wants to find financial footing and does not want me to feel like he is a burden while he is trying to rebuild his life.

In all honesty neither one of us were ready for a relationship when we met. Our timing sucked. Cuz I truly believe had we met a few more years down the road we'd be in a much better spot now.

January 17, 2007
6:59 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have no idea how to respond to this but I do know what it is like to have this feelings. You sound very worried about him but at this point, you are going to have to trust him to pull himself together in his endeavor. Trust is key ingredient here. He is letting you go so that you too can take this time to figure things out and he needs time to figure out on his own. I believe everyone in life needs to be able to stand on their own before they can give to another person. I wish you the best.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information