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Saw ex in public after 16 days NC - I did great!
September 9, 2005
8:21 am
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LovesPurple2760
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September 27, 2010
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Our city has a minor league ball team and the teams are in the middle of playoffs this week. My niece asked if I could get tickets to the game and I was able to so. She and her boyfriend, his 4 year old son and her 5 yr old nephew met me and my guy friend at the stadium. I went in with dread that I might run into a friend of my ex in that he goes to a lot of ballgames. The last time he was at a ballgame with me and the ex, he called me a f**king b*tch because he asked me why I didn't like him and wouldn't argue with you. After he verbally attacked me, I cussed him up on side and then down the other. My ex got very upset with the guy for treating me this way then as the days went by resented me for his not being able to be around one of his very best friends because of how mine and the guy's relationship was. After all the BS that I've put up with, accepted and in general dealt with from the ex, I was sitting on a zero tolerance for this asshole.

As luck would have it, as soon as I arrived at the game, my niece told me my ex's entire group of friends and their families were there. I figured that he would show up next and as I guessed he did. Our group sat up in the skybox above the other seating so we overlooked the other group. I can honestly say, I didn't get sad when I saw the ex, I didn't have a twinge of heartache, my heart didn't feel heavy with sadness or lonliness for the life he talked about wanting to have with me for the last year and a half. Instead, it was OKAY that he was there and so was I. I didn't speak to him but did speak to a couple of his friends who were standing right next to him. It wasn't awkward in that he was on the phone.

I had a date with a guy who I've dated on and off for 2 years. I dated him in between this and another relationship; however, he and I have remained very close friends. He is in love with me but understands my need to work out my heart as it relates to my ex. My date was also very comfortable and spoke to the group of friends.

After the game my date and I went to a local bar that a group usually goes to after the game. The ex, his friend and wife and his other guy friend showed up later. They played shuffleboard and the ex sang karaoke. My date sang several karaoke songs and visited with other people at a table we were sitting at. I didn't feel odd, or boastful for being with the date. My ex actually was the cause of my stopping dating the guy back in February 2004 since the other guy didn't feel comfortable dating me while I dated other people. I had tried dating him exclusively for 1 1/2 months but then decided I wasn't ready for that.

In any case, this guy has been there for me through thick and thin. He does absolutely love me but doesn't push his love on me since he knows I'm dealing with putting my feelings to rest for my ex. I'm trying to work out my stuff so that I can let this healthy relationship grow but it is very hard because in my head I'm telling myself "I can't be in a relationship, I don't want to get hurt, etc.") However, this guy and I have NEVER had a fight in 2+ years of dating, he is not controlling or jealous, he has been there for me as a friend and lover without pushing anything and allowing me to take things at my own pace. My ex used to say that this guy "was just sitting back waiting on me." Well, he didn't stop his life, but yes, I've known all along how he cared for and loved me, long before he ever verbalized it. I can see it in his eyes, I can tell in his actions, I KNOW because of how he treats me every time. It is so healthy that I don't feel worthy. I'm not good enough for him. Yes, I know these are not good thoughts, but those are the thoughts that enter my mind. He is not the "normal" that I've always known. You all know the type disrespectful, having to beg for attention from him, rollercoaster drama all the time, jealous, controlling and overall abusive. I'm going to work on these issues with my counselor and hopefully I can get past some of my own insecurities and bad self esteem feelings to allow this relationship to grow into something beautiful, healthy and long-term. I'm going to post more about my thoughts as they come so I can get input. I've not been focused on them in the past since I was trying to work through the ex stuff. The ex stuff isn't gone but I do want to explore and work on this other as well. Not as an escape but as real life that is happening.

More later! Thanks for everyone sharing their stories and support.

September 9, 2005
10:57 am
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Anonymous
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progress, progress, progress, doesn't it feel GREAT!

I know many people here who will be inspired and pray for the day they have the same strength - thanks for sharing.

September 9, 2005
1:23 pm
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LovesPurple2760
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Thanks Ali! You've been a great cheerleader! It's funny how we can relate to one another and the steps/cycles/slips/ground gained/ground lost, etc. It is because we have many common denominators although each of our individual pasts how we end up dealing with something.

It did feel GREAT not to be full of anger when I saw him. Actually, I had not planned on getting around the same crowd for some time then yesterday while driving home from the doctor I passed the local bar that we ended up going to and I thought to myself, "get over this and live your life!" "You are better than this and shouldn't deny yourself nor my current guy friend things we enjoy doing." I tickle myself that I'll struggle with something for weeks on end then finally clunk, fall off the fence, hit my head and "get it" or make a decision of no more then it is okay after that. It is all about that self talk, that self reassurance, that listening to your inner gut, heart and mind and knowing when it is time to do something different, let go of things or take on a new challenge.

Good luck to others who are gradually healing from their past wounds.

September 9, 2005
1:38 pm
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Anonymous
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I am doing alot of self talk these days - instead of listening to the damn voices in my head - and talking myself off the ledge again and again - I feel good - I know the day will come when I won't react like I always do and I won't have to talk myself off the ledge - or the talk will be easy and the walk away will be easy - like where you are at.

it's always nice to hear success and hear how it's working for other people.

so many times people succeed and stop coming here - cuz they don't have the same problems anymore - but it would be good for them to share - to give hope and pointers to those of us still struggling or learning.

thanks for sharing.

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