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Saturday Nite Out Not SEW Fun
September 18, 2005
2:17 am
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sewunique
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Here I am home after what should have been a fun nite out. My girlfriend and I went out to celebrate my birthday. Nice dinner on the water's edge. She doesn't like spicey foods, but ordered something with spice in it when they "toned" it down. She didn't like it. Afterwards she said she doesn't like spicey foods. Then reminded me when I had bought Thai food and took it over to her home a while back when she was sick at home, that she didn't like that either ("even though your intentions were good," She says to me). I think; Thanks alot, friend; darn it wasn't cheap, either. So much for gratitude.

After dinner, I asked her if we could go to Pete's; a place where they have dinner and a place for dancing, real popular here for middle aged adults, like us. So we go. She is too hot. Duh....velvet dress with sleeves, then a light blouse over that and nylons and heels where her feet have already begun to swell. Like, this is Florida, you know? I have adjusted, wearing no nylons,bare legged with sandals, a summer skirt and real short sleeves. Very appropriate for here. So, she sits there miserable with her drink and half way thru the =drink, she wants to go home. This is about 15 minutes there. I am a sipper and need an hour for one drink.........besides, I am the driver, no way would I drive, tho did not tell her this. I am just trying to have fun.

Then a guy comes over to talk to me. Not my type, each sentence confirms it. I am interested in someone who is a professional, not a handyman who needs a woman to care for him. Even tho there are hardly anyt men here, I have my standards, my ideas and limits and am not desparate. Then this guy says smiling, "do you want to live with me?" I gave him a stern look. He said "just joking." Then I said; You really want to know? No." He hung around. I go to the ladie's room; he is still there. So I tell him; "If you had asked me to dance, I would have danced. But I am not interested."

My friend said I was hurtful, he was trying to be nice, he is a nice guy, and by telling someone you are not interested is hurtrful. So she says I am just supposed to joke about it and tell him no in a joking manner.

I do not get it. I was not mean to him, just honest and straight out. It is okay that she can tell them she is not looking right now, but my way is not right? Let me tell you, before when I just got divorced, this naive gal flirted and joked around and the guys all took it wrong, like I was coming on to them.

Can anyone give me some insight here as to what I am dooing wrong, right, or what? Oh, BTW, this friend of mine is soooooooooo codependent and not working on any issues and is very controlling behavior and things she tells me what and how to do things when I do not even ask her. I feel like I did when I was married to my ex control freak. Or maybe like tonite was a "bad date" with my friend, even tho I am totally straight.

Help me out with some insight, please, folks.

~Sew frustrated~

September 18, 2005
2:38 am
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Sew-

You didn't do anything wrong in regards to that guy. Men that approach women with those types of statements shouldn't expect a delicate response. Maybe he is a nice guy, but I don't think he was being thoughtful enough or respectful enough. In fact, I think you were quite reserved. You could have just laughed in his face. What assumptions some men have that they can just walk up to a woman and say things like "will you live with me?" It is insulting. Let us just imagine a reversal of roles in that scenario... "Can I have your baby?" Geeze, Louise, what the look on his face would be.

Your friend is depressed and wants you to act the way she feels. She is criticizing you because of her own issues. Sounds like she may even be jealous of you.

Maybe when she is feeling better you will have a good time with her. If she is truly a worthwhile friend this might be something you want to talk about if her sadness is not disappating so that you can be friends despite her issues.

-ella

September 18, 2005
2:41 am
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Wow, I just realized that was your BIRTHDAY you were talking about. She was being even more selfish than I thought.

I'm sorry your night wasn't as much fun as it should have been.

Here's to you, and wishing you the best on your birthday.

love,
ella

September 18, 2005
2:51 am
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sewunique
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Thanks, ella! Okay, next time a guy says something dumb and insensitive and crude, I should say, "and we are going to have lots of babies, right?" Or, I am not sure, could you afford to support me in the fashion I am used to and deserve?"

Can't go that route; I cannot degrade myself. Especially after coming here and have learned to stand up for myself. Think it will be the same way; a look from my face and "No I am not interested" should tell it all.

And I am NOT shopping for men, for sure. Tonite's scene was enough even tho my intention was to listen to some live music. Perhaps seasonal tickets at the Rep. Threatre is the only way for safety to be able to enjoy.

Thanks for the birthday wishes! Tomarrow is it and I am staying forever young at heart.

~Sew~

September 18, 2005
3:53 am
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bonita1
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Happy Birthday, Sew. Your friend was being very unkind to you on your birthday and I am very sorry for that. Next time you go out, leave her at home.

Many Happy Returns~~

September 18, 2005
3:59 am
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Shaney
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I have a friend like that, that comes and stays a week out of the year with me, every year. She controls and ruins every single day and night that she spends with me. It's a nightmare, and by the time she leaves, I hate her guts and contimplate ending the friendship over what a selfish rag she is.

As far a as the typical guy that hovers over you with his lame one liners? My friend is usually fatally rude to them, to the point of embarassing everyone within earshot. I, on the other hand, am cordial, "nice to meet you but we're just doing the 'girl thing' tonight." The guy usually takes off, unharmed.

Happy birthday 🙂

September 18, 2005
4:14 am
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sewunique
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Sweet Bonita!

Thankyou!

As far as the friend, yes, I guess she was being rude, not very nice. It still is hard to see things as they are at times, just when one thinks we are doing better at this coda stuff, it grips again! She agve me a beautiful card about friends and said I was like family....another story about that one. And then a gift book about friendship. It really is a beautiful little book. BUT, then she marks a page about friendship, adds a smiley face on it and SLAMS this remark........."that is a true friend, not like you're friend that...." I just do not understand her or her motives. I get so angry with her; she is so undependable too. Never, ever had a friend who behaves like this.

I think I should seek out other friends and let our frienship fade back some. It is just hard for now establishing new friends, just being relocated. Besides, she is a nurse too, so we do have that commonality.

Thanks for your brief to the point comments........leave her home.......funny.

~Sew~

September 18, 2005
4:23 am
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sewunique
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Shaney,

I like the line just telling it as 'girls nite out'. Then no explaining this and that. Cordial, yes, will keep it that way.

Unless one gets too "touchy feely" like one tried tonite. About ready to knock him off his keester! I just picked up his hand off my shoulder, then my arm and pushed back away when his head got too close! Grrrr....I expect a man to be at least a gentleman upon first meeting a lady, and not invade my personal space. My friend just laughed and told him "whoa there buddy" which she thinks is the way to handle the situation. I have more respect for my self than that, and if a guy cannot act that way, then go away!

I know people are desparate in meeting someone, but they act so............desperate!!!

Thank you for the birthday wishes!

~Sew~

September 18, 2005
4:36 am
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bonita1
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Sew,

Your friend sounds like she has real issues that may only drag you down into depression. My gosh, to tell you "that is a true friend not like so and so..." ugh!

Also, her behaviour towards you tonight on your special day was not very positive or the way that a thoughtful person should behave. Rather, her behavior illustrated the pretense that she is kind and considerate.

Her motives? It makes her feel good about herself to do that...

Stepping back from that "friendship" sounds like a good move on your part.

I don't think you will have any trouble making and keeping new friends. You seem to have your head on straight.

Keep hanging in there.

September 18, 2005
4:36 am
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Shaney
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I can't stand to be touched by strangers like that, especially ones that have been drinking... you never know.. ick.

As for my friend, I'm not inviting her back. We've been friends for a long time but, I really don't feel like I need to subject myself to her wierdness. She seems kind of bitter or insecure, and makes crappy comments to me, "... not everyone is as perfect as you." "I could never live here in L.A., everyone is materialistic." Or if I dress up, she'll say, "I'm just really down to earth, I don't see why people here are so consumed with their looks."

I could smack the crap out of her -
I actually have distanced myself from her. People change, times change... I don't enjoy her like I did 20 years ago. Maybe I never did? and now I'm just doing something about it? Yeah, that's probably it. She's out - I'll make some new friends. 🙂

September 18, 2005
5:13 am
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Worried_Dad
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Well, it sounds like your girlfriend was a bit of a wet blanket. Wahh.

The guy got off lightly. You can't lay your hands on a woman who hasn't asked you to lay hands on her--sheesh. And his "do you want to live with me" comment....oh yeah, like that's gonna work. That's just gross--what is this guy, 19 years old?

The "lots of babies" comeback is sharp, I like it.

But more to the point would be something to the effect of "you are not a gentleman-get out of my face."

He slimed you.

On a happier note....Happy Birthday to You!

September 18, 2005
12:22 pm
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exoticflower
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Sew, if I can say one thing...what a smooth trun-down! I personally think that your interactions with this guy reeked of class, I get bitchy and ignore people rudely, get nervous, or over-chat and m islead them when I can't shake guys that don't interest me.

And your friend wasn't really out to have a good time wiht you, it was like she wanted you to tag along to meet HER good-time expectations and go home when she was through...

Well, bad nights are bad nights, and at least you got a bad pun out of it. Have a nice day today at least...YEee-haw for birthdays...just a thought, why not go out alone or with a big group of friends?
ANd maybe concider a taxi so you aren't the one who has to decide everyones good time?

September 18, 2005
2:17 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Sew and Happy Birthday. I had a friend like that- friends for over 20 years- and just last year I had to let her go. I found myself disappointed in just about everything we did. MY needs were not being met!!!Me, me , me. I wasn't having a good time, I was spending money on things I didn't want to, just so that I wouldn't (hopefully) have to hear her complain. But of course she did, no matter what. I decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. Funny thing is, I don't even miss her. The complaining, the little digs- all gone. I don't need someone who is going to ctiticize what I like to eat, what I like to wear, how I wear my hair, on and on and on, plus I would have to work all of this in to fit in her schedule. So poof- she's gone.

Seems she could have honored your b'day a bit more and "suffered" thru it on your special day. She sounds draining.

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