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sassyalex...read this please.. we have some things in common
October 10, 2006
5:24 pm
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needtoheal
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September 24, 2010
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hi! i read your note from october 8 about no contact. My ex-husband left our relationship (and with two small kids). He did not want to divorce me... Then after a year I made the decision to divorce him.. Meanwhile, I got a job where I was attracted to someone. He was there for me through the whole divorce process. However, he was emotionally abusive to me. OF course I did not realize this at the time. I have been involved with him now for 4 years... 4 years too many. I also see a therapist and even she told me her opinion that I need to end the relationship.. and have no contact with him at all... I have often wondered like you why do I keep staying in this abusive relationship? Why can't I just leave him like I ended it with my ex-husband? This man does not live with me... He still lives with his parents who also help support him even though he is in his mid-30's...
I was wondering if the No Contact is from being in CoDa? I think that I will definitely need a support group.. because even though it does appear that this man was a rebound relationship, no matter what he may represented to me, it still will be a loss for me. We often spent a lot of time together... he would call me every morning, while at work (in between going to one job to another on the road, when he got home after work and then before going to bed).. He occupied me when I was lonely like when my kids were at their father's place (yeah they do get to see their dad)...
Thank you for reading this...

October 17, 2006
1:42 am
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SassyAlex
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needtoheal, sorry it took me so long to respond, I've not been here the past few days. Are you still with this man? I would take the fact that he is still living off his parents in his mid 30s as a big red flag. How is he being emotionally abusive to you?

I have not attended any Coda meetings, but I have become very familiar with No Contact through this site. Also my therapist helped me try to develop coping mechanisms if you need to stay away from a person who is not healthy for you. She recommended keeping a journal of your thoughts during the day, if he contacts you, how did you react, etc.

October 17, 2006
8:51 am
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needtoheal
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sassy... thanks for responding... That post was from the first day that I found this website and so much has happened....
I posted a thread about his abuse on "2Alone... please read this..."

that will give u some ideas about what I have been through..

I also keep a journal..

I will post more later..

Thanks again for responding...

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