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santino.. I'm back
October 11, 2006
10:39 pm
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needtoheal
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yeah ... TOXIC for sure... because whenever i am not around him i feel beter ...
when i talk to him then i get upset but sometimes i felt less lonely.. i cant figure it out///

i changed my work schedule so that i wont have time to see him when i dont have the kids every friday and every other weekend

i am preparing to keep myself busy and occupied...

thanks for listening santino///
i remember how you felt when u talked to your ex and how u felt after speaking to her////
that is what i go through too

October 11, 2006
10:40 pm
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needtoheal
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east coast

October 11, 2006
10:41 pm
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santino
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Yeah it leaves you with a knot in your throat, It takes awile but youll make it. I am, and you sound like a strong person. Hang in there, Im here for you.

October 11, 2006
10:43 pm
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santino
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I thought so, Ifigured that when you were putting your kids to bed so early for my time, Im on the west coast.

October 11, 2006
10:45 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks santino.... thanks so much... i just dont understand it... and i guess i am finally coming to the realization that he is sociopath... that night about the video game incident i forgot this part.. after i slapped him slightly i might add, he said that if i told my father or brother that he pushed me and they came after him he said that he would stab my brother (who he only met once or twice) in the heart and in front of me... now i was so pissed off that night.,.. that was said on purpose to hurt me and then he apologized like abusers do and said it was not said from the heart

October 11, 2006
10:47 pm
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santino
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wow, if someone ever said anything like that to me about my family he wouldn't be around anyomre. I know it hurts but walk away, no run, for you and your kids.

October 11, 2006
10:48 pm
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needtoheal
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it was funny because someone said something about the time last night when the date changed and someone said that it was still the 10th...

i am so glad that you are listening and helping me... god , i am so grateful

October 11, 2006
10:50 pm
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santino
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dont mention it heal, Im glad to help.

October 11, 2006
10:54 pm
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needtoheal
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i know.. this happened september 3.. then i did not see him until sept. 16 when i was at bowling and he stopped by (he said that he wanted to do something with me like get something to eat and then go to the bar to help his friend set up for dj job..)
then i saw him the night that i went to see him at the bar Sept. 30 and have not seen him since///
so i have kept distance too
but i feel guilty because i should have cut him off a long time ago//
but he had been keeping distance too ... that is why he is hanging with these friends...
and they are the only friends he has .. and the others are very toxic

October 11, 2006
10:54 pm
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santino
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needtoheal, I have to give my kids baths and get them ready for bed now, so Im going to be leaving now, keep me posted on how your doing. Take care of yourself and hope to hear from you soon. Goodnight.

October 11, 2006
10:56 pm
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needtoheal
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funny because that is what i said on the message or to him ,,, i forget... but i know that i said that i am moving on with my life and i am running!!!!!

October 11, 2006
10:57 pm
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needtoheal
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good night.. and thank you so much.. i will post tomorrow sometime.. will that be ok?????

October 11, 2006
10:59 pm
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santino
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of course it will be. Your not alone k.

October 11, 2006
11:01 pm
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needtoheal
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thank you soooooo much !!!!

October 12, 2006
3:43 am
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needtoheal
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santino... just want to let you know that i am feeling okay...
I did leave him a text message that how could he get along better with me because in the past month all that you have done is want to be with your friends at the bar....
It is so hard to keep no contact... i messed up already tonight...
See what i have learned from this is that he is like my ex-husband ,.. did not want to work on things and yet still did not want to leave the relationship either...
I just got so mad before when i called him on my break at lunch and all he did was complain about the guy he works with and how he wants to hurt him... then when he called me after work again he was complaining and whining about how this guy treats him...
it was funny because on monday he told me that his boss wanted him to stay later and he told him that he had to go bowling..and the boss said that he did not care... boy, he was so mad,, he said livid... and said that was unacceptable.. funny how that was unacceptable for him but when he tells me that he did not care that i had a funeral then that is ok...
i was not expecting him to drop his plans with them. the point is that he was mad that i asked him how long would he be that night because he said that he would do something with me,,, and got so mad he hung up on me and turned the phone off.....
anyway, i did get some sleep tonight.. seems that i wake up in the middle of the night lately....

i will let you know what happens... i won't text or call him,,,,beginning RIGHT NOW////

he might not even call for a while because the weekend is coming up.. and i bet he will be at that bar... like you said, i don;t need that in my life and i tried to explain that to him a long time ago....'

doesn't it sound like he does not care anymore.. i feel like he used me all this time... 4 years of being abused...
thanks for listening... please respond when you can,,, thanks

October 12, 2006
7:55 am
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needtoheal
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well i did not sleep very well last night,... i did text him and promised that it would be the last text message: I wrote:
I promise you this will be the last time you hear from me.. i hope you read this .. I have thought about everything that we have been through over the past four years. I tried for four years to hold on...i tried to always be there for you...first as friends when i tried to help you get your job back at work.. then while you were still smoking ... and as a lover and helping you with those problems so we could be together.. I really needed you I was hurt (when i hurt my back) and after the funeral ... i was hoping to see you that night .. to hug me, hold me, and even make me laugh...I had wanted to work on things but you pulled away from me... making your own plans... Not wanting me around,, getting mad because i was upset that i even asked you what did you have to do.. You snapped at me and said you have to write a diary.. well i got the hint... cannot make things better.. all i ever wanted was at least an acknowledgement that you understood that i was sad...
so this is the end.... I am ending this pain for all of us... I hope have a happy and healthy future..and now that you have been looking for someone I hope that you find someone that you can love enough without getting so mad when that girl tells you how she feels. I will stay out of your life forever starting with this last text message...

guess i was feeling the need to explain myself.......

October 12, 2006
8:55 am
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needtoheal
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how did you do it.. with the no contact? i mean i have done this before and i am fine when the kids are around,... but this is so hard.. my therapist even said to me that no matter what he represented in my life this will be another loss....
i have to go to work and that will keep my mind off things... then i am getting my hair cut.. another thing that might cheer me up.. thanks for listening.......hope you are well

October 12, 2006
12:24 pm
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santino
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I did the no-contact thing for a while but it didn't last cause I needed to talk to her 1 last time before she moved. Then she confirmed what I thought and it hurt more. I've gone thru the hurt stage, the anger stage and now Im experiencing the vindictive stage. I have nothing but bad thoughts for her, I dont wish her well, and I hope she lives a miserable life. That last text you gave him was brave, I wish I had the guts to tell my ex that I wished hr well, but the truth of the matter is I don't.

October 16, 2006
2:30 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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I hope you are accepting that this guy is causing you more grief than happiness, and its time to LET IT GO!

Look at this, your own words about this guy:

he is 36 years old.. never had a girlfriend ,,, calls his mother a C__T to her face// he was a drug addict for 10 years and had a million jobs.. could not hold a job... he still lives with his parents// she still makes his bed and lunch.. one day he told her he was tired of having cold cuts so he had been throwing her sandwhiches away for two weeks
and you are right about the drama.. my girlfriend used to call him the drama king

Now, tell me: why the hell would you want anything to do with him?

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