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Said some very hurtful things and wondering why I don't regret it
June 4, 2007
7:35 pm
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loverbee
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When I spoke to my mother, we fought and I finally said "my god, why won't your liver just fail already." She was very hurt and all but doesn't remember it now that she is sober. I am wondering why I don't regret it though. Its strange. I feel like the pms is really getting to me now. I hope it doesn't last long. I hope I don't hurt anyone I love.

June 4, 2007
7:39 pm
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StronginHim77
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We all are capable of saying terrible things when we are emotionally overwhelmed. I have no doubt that your mother's drunkenness pushed you over the Edge and out "it" came. Acknowledge your (justifiable) anger and inner frustration over her abuse of alcohol, forgive yourself for being human and let it go. Believe me, it can happen to ALL of us.

- Ma Strong

June 4, 2007
7:42 pm
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loverbee
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Thanks ma strong. I just feel like sometimes I get Too angry when I have pms and I wish I could control it better. But I feel like I can't.

June 4, 2007
8:02 pm
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mousey
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loverbee,
I too had at one point said many hurtful things to my mother. My dad died when my mom was 53 and ever since then she always leaned on me. My sister wanted nothing to do with her so I spent almost 20 years taking "care" of her. Then she developed senile dememtia and things got worse. I used to wish for the day she passed away. She went into a nursing home and was not able to communicate very well for a while but she always knew who I was. Her heart gave out one night and the nursing home contacted me shortly before she died. I tried to get there before but I didn't make it. Sometime I regret the lousey relationship we had but when I think back on how bad it was I sometimes feel guilty for not having had more patience with her.What I resented was the fact that she wanted me to give up my life to take care of her. I felt she was selfish. She never really tried to have a good life. I guess I'll never understand that. Maybe it was depression also. My dad was an alchoholic.

June 4, 2007
8:25 pm
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loverbee
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Thats kind of how I feel. I feel like its not fair because she never really tried to do anything to make it better for herself. I think that is just so selfish and I don't want to be a part of her misery. I hate it. But I can't make her want to be happy.

June 4, 2007
8:59 pm
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mousey
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You'r right you can't make her want to be happy. I tried for years to no avail. She would never have gone to counceling because she would never believe anything was wrong with her. What it took me a long time to realize is that people like my mother are weak. They don't know how to make things better for themselves. If you've tried to help and it's been to no avail maybe you need to distance yourself from the situation. Also, maybe if she sees you are being different it will scare her and make her think things through. I tried that with my mother but I think the dementia was already too far gone.

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