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Safe People
October 17, 2005
4:10 pm
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I have been on hiatus from reading stuff and just letting life be and just living by moment. I now feel rested and want to get back into relationship with others.

Trust has been betrayed a few times for me and each time I get a little stronger and I have finally allowed myself time to grieve (5 mos.) and now am ready to get on with life. This book has a Christian slant on it - however if you aren't Christian - I still think it could be helpful. Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

It helps me to get to the next step of moving on after the grief. I'm not afraid anymore to say I need relationships with others... I do and I want them, but there are people out there that are unsafe for me. I don't want to be hypervigilant - but the necessity for me to say look - I need to know who you really are and it takes time and varied circumstances to see that.

Real relationship involves risks and vulnerabilities on the part of both persons - and when you risk what happens and what character do you see in your partner or friend. Disappointment can happen when the person's character is different than you want it to be - but they have the right to choose how they behave.

You also have the right to choose people that you feel safe with. - Believe me 10 years down the line I know I will be so happy that I figured out I was with an unsafe person and I set the boundary and walked away. My heart is slowly being stitched up with very sturdy thread.

October 17, 2005
4:22 pm
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kathygy
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I absolutely agree. Sourrounding yourself with safe people is very important. It is a part of self care. However, sometimes I come across someone who doesn't feel very safe to me but its more about me than it is about them. I may feel intimated by someone but that doesn't mean I need to stay away from them. It may mean I need to work on expanding my comfort zone. I need to work on asserting myself. I think the caution here is not letting 'safe' people keep you from growing and stretching outside of your comfort zone. Sometimes to do that you need to interact with someone who doesn't feel as safe but you can learn to feel safe with them. Of course, that excludes all abusive, critical people who put you down.

October 17, 2005
5:09 pm
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Kathy - good point - I have the insight to recognize that, however not everyone has access to the insight. No risk or risk can go both ways

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