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Sadie???
August 1, 2005
10:06 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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You ok? Please check in and let us know how you are handling things. I know it was a rough weekend:(

August 1, 2005
10:49 pm
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SexySadie
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Thanks doll...actually I am doing fantastic...I had a wonderful session with my Therapist this am. Bless her for taking me in at such a last minute but I was a freaking mess. I literally was back at the same place if not worse than our first meeting.

She talked about spirituality and surrendering to MY Higher Power with me and turned me onto something called Course of Miracles...namely a book by Marianne Williamson "A Return to Love" I haven't put the book down tonight...almost finished and already wow...I feel so incredible.

I just sent EX a text message that basically said he could have all his stuff back. He owed me nothing because he gave me 5 wonderful years. Told him to have a great time up there and ended it with Peace, Lisa.

I can't begin to say how free I feel. I FEEL FREE!!

No ulterior motive folks. None at all...I just realized that in order to have peace with myself, I need to set him free from me. Or maybe I need to free myself of him...not sure of the right term.

I'm going to keep reading the book...and highly recommend it to anyone who has been sitting where I have been. WOW!!

Thanks for checking on me...I really do appreciate it and everyone on here...yes it was a rough weekend. But it's Monday now...a whole new week ahead of me.

August 1, 2005
11:02 pm
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I love your attitude! You are one tough chic:)

I think I'll look for that book tomorrow. If it did that for you, well...? I'm glad that you are not still blaming yourself, and you have cut him loose. I know that wasn't easy. But he has chosen his own way, and you are just choosing how YOU will RESPOND to it. He's the big loser, honey!

Your energy is contagious! Press on, my friend!

August 2, 2005
7:37 am
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SexySadie
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Thank you my friend. He ended up text messaging me right back and saying "Thank you, friends again, This place is amazing."

I felt so good...it had finally come together and I SAW the light. I've set him free and in doing that I set myself free.

I finished the book and today going to buy the Course in Miracles, its actually a workbook that you use for one full year. Sounds interesting.

Something I realized overnight after reading the book. When EX first met me, I was the light for him, I was his strength and he learned unconditional love. He was at rock bottom then in his life also...not as bad as he is now but bad.

He saw me for who I was, a successful woman, great single mother, kind and loving person with a heart that was open for everyone. I took him in with my love and saw this man change into a kind and loving man who learned that he didn't need the beer on a nightly basis.

But he still drank and sometimes excessively...and through the years, living with his addiction, the person I was faded away...just faded away...the love was dying and my heart was filled with more anger than love towards him and his addiction. I focused ALL my energy on him, not on myself, my business, my daughter, but on HIM.

He began to drink more as my love faded away. I can see it all now so clearly. No I am not taking blame for his drinking. I am taking blame for my emotions getting the better of me. He had looked to me for strength and love and it was there that I had let him down. I had become almost as weak as he with my controlling, codependency. I had also changed. Yes, that I will take responsibility for. I think many of us can relate to that.

Set him free...and I become free. I don't have to stay up nights worrying anymore...don't have to walk around the house on tippy toes because he is sleeping, no more excuses for him and his drinking. I can focus once again on opening my heart to unconditional love.

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