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sad today/argument last night
December 21, 2004
9:44 am
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tia maria
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I'm feeling down today. My partner and I got into an argument last night. When my partner is hating work, I feel like I get it taken out on me. My partner gets mad for no reason. Or for little tiny things.

We bought my nephew a Christmas gift. I was talking to my sister last night and we were talking about Christmas. I mentioned that we bought a gift for her son. She asked what it was and I told her. My partner raised hell with me for telling my sister what we had gotten for her son. The night just spiralled downward from there.

I'm not, what you would call, good at having heated discussions. I take information in and have to think about it a while before I can respond. My partner on the other hand has immediate responses for everything. And brings up stuff from all over the place. One minute I am getting yelled at for telling my sister what my nephew's Christmas present was, the next I'm hearing how my partner fixed dinner, and takes care of all the finances (we both work outside the home, but my partner decides how and when our money is spent), and everything I don't do.

When I tried to talk to my partner about the Christmas thing, my partner said don't even talk to me. So I went upstairs. Then I get this where do you think you are going, what do you think your doing. Then I get the riot act for needing to finish the Christmas cards my partner wants to send.

At one point I was trying to go upstairs and my partner was holding my arm. I said, I considered that abusive. Whatever was the response.

Sometimes I wish my partner would just hit me. My partner doesn't think there is an abuse or anger management issues that need to be addressed. I figure if I got hit, there would be no denying the abuse then.

Anyone else ever feel that way?

December 21, 2004
10:59 am
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CAMER
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hi, sometimes i too used to "test" men, when they would "restrain" me or push me...i always yelled at them to "hit me!!!" and they never did, that way i would have a definite excuse to dump them.

I beleive you are a strong enough person, and should decide if you want to be with this man who seems moody and possibly abusive...or do you
want to move forward without him.

I wish you luck ((prayers and hugs))) camer

December 21, 2004
12:27 pm
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eve
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Any chance to de-escalate such conflicts? Maybe you could try to tell him that you heard his opinion, but that you feel hurt by his anger, and would prefer to discuss this at a later point in time.

Propably the next day would be a good time to talk about such a fight. Clearly you are hurt by such a figt. But propably he gets into such a state, because he feels hurt as well (not clear though, by what?). Maybe together you can find another way to deal with his hurt?

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