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sad anniversary (kroika)
October 18, 2006
4:56 am
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I'm feeling sad... for a few reasons.... but today is also exactly 6 years since my sister died of cancer.

She lived far away from me but I was able to spend the last 4 weeks of her life with her. She was in hospital but then home for the last 3 weeks. She really wanted our other sister to come and see her, but it didn't happen.

I thought the hardest thing would be seeing my sister die -- and that was hard -- but over the 4 weeks the most difficult thing was the family dynamics.

Anyway, I'm at work right now... can't write much more. Just wanted to share my anniversary grief with my AAC friends and ask for your support and good thoughts. Thanks,

sad kroika

October 18, 2006
5:57 am
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Randomwomen2
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You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers sweetheart.

October 18, 2006
6:07 am
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confused as heck
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Your in my thoughts.

Next week is the first anniversary of the death of a 10 year old student that I had when I was in the lower grades. He was killed in a tragic hunting accident, his dad fell and the gun went off. I have his sister in class now, it's been rough.

October 18, 2006
7:30 am
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lollipop3
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(((Kroika))),

I can't imagine the thought of losing one of my sisters. I'm so sorry.

I don't have the words to ease your pain today but I am with you and you are in my thoughts.

Your friend,
Lolli

October 18, 2006
7:37 am
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CAMER
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(((KROIKA)))) i wouldn't know the feelings of losing a sister and know that my prayers are sent to you and hope you have a peaceful as it can be day.....love, camer

October 18, 2006
8:06 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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kroika-

I am thinking about you today. I am vrey sorry about your sister. Try to have some thoughts of good memories to help get you through.

Love,

Scared

October 18, 2006
8:28 am
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Thank you, sweet RW, confused, lolli, CAMER, and Scared...

You all have such good hearts. Your caring words and thoughts mean a lot to me... I will carry them with me today. Thanks for lightening my spirit.

love, kroika

October 18, 2006
9:26 am
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lovingmom
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Kroika, The bond between sisters is special and I am sorry for your loss. Just try to remember your best times together. I'm sure she's remembering you today too, and remembering the time you spent with her at the end of her life. How special you are to be with her during that time.

October 18, 2006
9:34 am
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revelation
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Ah Kroika...six years is not a long time, and as lovingmom says, the bond between sisters is so special and unique isn't it? I have three myself and although sometimes we fight and argue and bitch (isn't that just part of being sisters!) I honestly don't know what I'd do if I ever lost one of them. My thoughts are with you today, I can only imagine how sad you must be feeling.

Take solace in the fact that she's no longer struggling with the pain and is at peace.

Rev.

October 18, 2006
10:36 am
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Thank you, LM and Rev, for your warm thoughts.

I appreciate your kindness.

love, kroika

October 18, 2006
10:44 am
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thumkin
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I will keep you in my prayers today and hope that fond memories of her can fill your day.

October 18, 2006
12:11 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((kroika)))

Thinking about you, hoping your day is going ok.

October 18, 2006
5:20 pm
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Hi thumkin, thanks. And (((Scared))), I just woke up -- worked last night -- and have a counselling session a bit later. So that's good.

Thanks to all for your caring thoughts. You'd have loved my beautiful sister. Thanks for honouring her memory with me today.

love, kroika

October 18, 2006
7:00 pm
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sleepless in uk
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Ah my friend.

I love her already

I am so sorry for your pain

((((Kroika)))))

much love

b

October 18, 2006
7:05 pm
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cyndra820
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Kroika,

It sounds like you and your sister had a wonderful bond. I hope you thought of one thing you loved to do with her that made you smile. I'm sure she remembers and is smiling with you.

Regards,
Cyndra

October 18, 2006
9:50 pm
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Sleepless and Cyndra,

Thank you for enfolding me with the warmth of your words. Your love and caring are a great comfort on this sad day.

yours with gratitude, kroika

October 18, 2006
9:55 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((kroika)))

Still thinking about you honey...hope all going as well as it can. I too, hope you have been able to find some light throughout your day...smething to smile about....a memory to fall back on.. I cannot imagine your pain, but I just want you to know that I care about you, and I hate to see you have a hurt like this. I have thought about you several times throughout the day...

Scared

October 18, 2006
10:00 pm
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needtoheal
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(((Kroika)))

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...
Love,
Need2heal

October 18, 2006
11:00 pm
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hello friends,

Thank you, N2h for the hug and thoughts and prayers. I so appreciate your reaching out.

And (((Scared))) my friend.... thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I hope it's not pressing an advantage to say this.... but, I'm glad you are still here to be sharing the pains and pleasures and dramas of life. You are capable of such rich and deep caring and connection... I hope you are seeing your own worth more consistently and holding onto it. I hope you will be sticking around and playing your part in life's colourful tapestry for many a year to come.

lots of love, kroika

October 19, 2006
12:05 am
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Shaney
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Ohhh Kroika honey... I know how you feel, first hand. It's amazing what we can endure as feeling, compassionate human beings, don't you think? But as hard as it is to help a loved one along at the end of their life, I still consider it a precious gift.

I can also empathize with the family dynamics that seem to go down at such a trying time. People never cease to amaze me... but I remember at a certain point in my own experience, I became indifferent to what was going on around me, and I was able to focus on my dying family member. It seems that instinct takes over... and thank goodness for that.

Anyway, you'll be in my prayers tonight, kroika. You're a true treasure, and I'm going to pray that you wake up soaked in happiness and hope tomorrow.

October 19, 2006
12:54 am
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Ah, Shaney. I'm sorry for your loss as well. I agree with you, it is a gift to be with a loved one at the end of their life. I was with a dear friend for the last 10 days of his life, and with my dad for a month at his hospital bedside shortly before he died. (He actually recovered, went back to the nursing home, and then died 2 months later when I was back at the other side of the country.) Those are intense experiences that I could never regret having. My mother died suddenly and I was thousands of miles away with no chance to say goodbye... so I appreciate the difference.

As for the family dynamics... I don't have time to write a book tonight :-0 But the efforts I made paid off manyfold, even though I thought *I* was going to be torn apart in the process.

Thanks for your prayers and very sweet wishes. I'm at that age where it is not uncommon to wake up soaked (Hey, I'm talking SWEAT... not... anything else!). I like the idea of waking up soaked in happiness and hope as opposed to midlife hormonally produced sweat :0)

I also appreciate your kind compliments. I think you're a gem, too. So glad to have met you.

love & hugs, kroika

October 19, 2006
4:48 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there kroika :o)

Just checking on you. I had to laugh at your hormonal sweat comment - SSSOooooo funny! You still manage to maintain your sense of humor, even on a bad day..... laughter is a blessing, for sure. I'm 40, so I can probably start counting on some of those "night soaks" in the not too distant future. Jeez.... what next?

Well, I'm glad the family dynamics situation paid off in the end. Any positive result is better than none at all. So, that's just one more reason to be thankful on this beautiful hope-soaked day :o)...

It's 80 degrees here in Southern California... yippee!

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