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sabotage
April 18, 2001
10:21 pm
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Frieda
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When things start going really well, I do something to fix that.

Take a handful of pills or eat chocolate and grow fat.

Can't have all this peace and joy, functioning and fitting in,

Gotta have crisis and trauma and a pool of pity for sitting in.

Heaven forbid I be normal. Just living my life day by day.

Doing the stuff of life, the working, the resting, the play.

If I were, people might think I was OK, and then, where would I be?

No one worrying, calling, caring. No help or assistance or aid, only me.

When, oh when, will I learn that "only me" is enough?

That I can see myself through anything, I'm always there when things are tough.

Why can't I be alone and OK? The combination is more than I can stand.

Yet I don't want pity or babysitting. Just someone to hold my hand.

April 18, 2001
11:56 pm
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grass
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I hear fear in your words...what are you afraid of Frieda? (I may be wrong:))

April 19, 2001
11:11 am
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eve
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oh Frieda,

I really feel for you (and for myself, because I recognize some of my own problems in your words). Your ability to analyze your feelings is very very high and accurate. And your ambition to be equally highly efficient 'emotionwise' is so clear and so understandable. Somtimes I feel like that, too. But I think we just have to be a little patient whith ourselfs. Just like not every good sprinter is also automatically a brilliant basketball player: analysing what you feel and coping whith your feelings day by day are somewhat similiar, but not the same. I guess training will help, and good analytical skills are a good place to start.

Take care, Eve

April 19, 2001
12:32 pm
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Molly
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Get a dog, that seems to be my main RX these days. He will hold your hand, make you laugh, force you to exercise, and provide a crisis or two, like eating your plants, or pooping in the house, and he will never ignore you. Now laugh. I guess we get it together, when we are tired of paying the cost for all the drama. Soon those close us realize that we are attention whores, and quit buying into our act. Like ignoring the tantrum of the 3 year old. That crisis thing is so dominating, I have a receptionist like that, at first I bought into it, her painful interactions with others, allowing her to vent, providing her with solutions, but then I discovered it was just her, since she had that reaction with everyone. My second husband learned in therapy that he was in need of drama, things went smooth for a week, and he would start a fight, his therapist called him on it, now he tries to get attention the same way, but I know what is up and don't buy into it, he sees it and stops, because my reactions are different. There are other ways of getting attention
, we just get stuck in patterns of behavior, like any habit hard to break, just like the spouse, now that your aware that is 90% of it, things will change, if you want them to.

April 19, 2001
11:10 pm
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Sal
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Get a dog?!?!:)

My husband doesn't put up with the drama queen thing either. Sees right through me.

Frieda, you have inner resources you don't even know about! Put this familiar cycle, pattern, in the 'past' category, and leave it there. Refuse to go back to it. THis is only the illusion of a need, not a genuine one. God has sent you a helicopter to fly you out of the fire, and you're still waiting to be rescued by a miracle. The miracle is at hand-- it just doesn't look like you thought it would.

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