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S.O.S. for Michigan- needs support!
October 21, 2006
5:49 pm
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needtoheal
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GG--- I just want you to know that you have been very helpful to me and I am so grateful that i have been able to keep in contact with you so please do not feel that you are not dependent... You are very strong GG....

Scared--- I am new here and I have gotten so much support... and I want you to know that you are a very strong woman and you have a lot of courage,... just like the many others that have come here to reach out to others and share their experience with others!!

I hope that you are feeling well today and have a good night...

Thinking of you both

Need 2 heal

otherwise renamed by loving as
I WILL HEAL

October 21, 2006
6:12 pm
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ggfred4
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need, thank you for those thoughts; yes, we love our LL!!!she is awesome.

mich, are you sure we aren't twins...what you wrote could easily come out of my mind...I have pushed people away with me wanting to cling on them...P&L and I have had many conversations about it and my abandonment issues. Your needs seem to match mine. With 4 kids, we always have to give, give, and give,until there is nothing left for us. I do not even know who I am anymore...I am trying to work on this, but now it is looking like a long, long journey to recovery...

I too am on here a lot; check all the time even at work where I probably shouldn't...Yes, I am dependent on this site and some of the people... what is it about us? we are both very caring people and want to help people? mich, if you find any help for us codependents, please let me know...I have started coda and I am learning a lot but seem to have setbacks and finding more about myself I do not like...I hate to ask this of you with so much going on with you, but please don't leave me unless you tell me, okay...Between what is going on medically with me and the upcoming surgery, I am going to be home alone a lot and will need friends.

Are you ever afraid of getting desperate and seeking out maybe the wrong people/places, etc. because you don't want to bother the people you love and care for? I do...

dang,we need cheering up...I will try next time...Hugs and holding you, GG

October 21, 2006
8:45 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG,

I am not leaving you yet. I don't know what I am doing right now, and I am not in the right frame of mind to even think about it. I do hope that you have a good night.

Miss you much..

Mich

October 21, 2006
9:27 pm
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cyndra820
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GG, LL, Neeed, Mich,

Just checking in to see how everyone is.

Mich, thanks for letting me know my words don't offend you. I try to be encouraging, but sometimes...I'm human.

You have been through a whole h*** of a lot!!! You and your family. You are a strong woman!! No doubt about that. I'm glad you've let me get to know you.

I am very glad you found Jim. He sounds amazing. I know you will get through this. If it is going to get darker before it gets brighter I'll pick up some MagLites and pass them around. You will not be alone.

GG, I hope your head is a wee bit better. I hate headaches!! I'll be glad when you get some more information on Monday.

LL, where did you get to? Are you still reading. The other two amigos are missing you!!!

Regards,
Cyndra

October 21, 2006
10:08 pm
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lovinglife
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oh, yeah btw I'm back and getting caught up on reading once again!!

I shall return once again : )

October 21, 2006
10:48 pm
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lovinglife
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Alright you two (Mich & GG) I'm really starting to think that the 3 of us got seperated at birth (triplets here)....but were just born 10 years apart from each other!! Mich - you're 30 right? And GG you're 50? and I'll be the big 40...

So I'm reading away the convo above between the two of you just smiling, laughing to myself, making notes on some things that I want to reply on: The two of you were just so positive and THEN-wtf the convo takes a nose dive south during a few posts!! Started with the talk about being dependent on the site. But it sounds like the two of you got it turned around quickly - thank god : )

Anyhow I think this is exactly why the three of us can relate so well: We are working on *getting better*, and starting to feel perhaps a just little good about ourselves, about life but sometimes those little voices creep into our heads ("I'm too dependent", "I'm too needy", "Hope I didn't say anything to scare someone off" etc.) then the doubt sets in. Com'on girls we have something going on here awesome!! And for how long have the 3 of us lived in self doubt, lived feeling like crap about ourselves, lived with telling ourselves that we don't deserve to be happpy??? No more I say! For some reason we have made a great connection and understand each other. I'm so thankful for the both of you, and yes like you both have said, I too spend probably a little too much time here, but so what? If I'm going to be spending my time on something that is helping me grow (in the company of great people and newfound friends)- there is no other place I'd want to be spending my time AS WELL as if I'm going to become dependent on something (which hanging out here is not) why not have something that is breathing new life into me?? Eventually we each will be spending less and less time here - but let's just take one step at a time!! Now if we all had been on this site for a couple of years and still stuck in the same ruts - then yes, I would have to say that would be thought of as dependency.

Anyhow- I'm back : ) Still have a few things to say from earlier posts...

and with that I shall return shortly....

October 21, 2006
10:50 pm
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lovinglife
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and oh, I too push people away from me (remember my whole deal about forming someone's opinion of me before they even get a chance to say, "Nice to meet you LL!")

October 21, 2006
11:24 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thank God you are back LL. I MISSED YOU. Terribly...Going through withdrawal. Yes, I am 30, going on 12.

October 21, 2006
11:33 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Checking in to see how ya'll are doin. Mich.. ok? GG? LL? Need, no, I Will Heal? I like that name. Has Armyangel been around much?

Moving sale is over and I'm soo very glad.

October 22, 2006
12:07 am
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ggfred4
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LL, thanks for your thoughts; made a lot of sense...Missed you too today...

October 22, 2006
12:23 am
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needtoheal
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thanks mamamac.. I like the name I Will Heal too!!!

or I am healing

or Have Courage to Heal

The one thing that i do know is on the first night that i posted (not too long ago) I was so lonely

Now that uncomfortable feeling is no longer because I have all of you... and you all have given me the STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO HEAL!!

October 22, 2006
12:26 am
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ggfred4
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Need, I understand...I didn't talk for the first two months I tried; I was afraid; everyone's problems always seemed worse than mine; worried about what people would think of me; and the list goes on...terribly lonely times...

Now when I click on the aac, happiness flows within, kind of like another home...and I keep meeting new people...

October 22, 2006
12:46 am
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lovinglife
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Having a weird last couple of days: Thinking me missing my Al-Anon meeting last Monday it’s throw me off some as I have been thinking WAY TOO MUCH about exb, and that is not a good thing. Al-Anon seems to help me stay strong in many area’s of my life.

Since neither of you were around last night – {so glad that you GG got some rest, and Mich that you went out and had some fun – though the hang over part doesn’t sound like much fun. I drink so seldom because for one reason I have a very addictive personality and love anything that alters my mind, and two when I do drink a couple of times a year – I drink, get plowed, don’t know when to stop-then I get sick for like the next week!} Anyhow as you both were out, I needed to keep my mind busy and off exb, so I checked out the libs side and posted on a thread about God. That was kinda of fun, just like the trips, to think about something other than my *problems* as well as keeping me from doing something stupid

Fred~ (I love that name for you!)

Can’t believe you actually said, and I quote… “doctor in hospital was cute!!!!” Now if that is not some growth then I don’t know what is : ) hehehehe GG thinks a doctor is cute…

You mentioned about letting your 18 yr old go out of town w/o a fuss...Only since my getting involved with Al-Anon that I am now able to do that with my 17 & 18 yr old, and the married 22 year old as well. I have been a control freak forever and a worry wart too. I’m learning to let go, and it’s amazing the peace that comes with that.

And I have to agree with you that Mich’s children have adorable names : )

And your family STILL thinks your *communicating with teachers?* LOL and Mich I know what you mean about hearing something that makes you think about your friends here at AAC and wondering how to describe, “Oh I’m just thinking about my AAC friends….!!” There have been times while I’m at the computer laughing, or having a serious look on my face or I yell “OH NO!!” and other times I not even near the computer doing the same things and my sons give me a look like I’m nuts. It’s strange but even though we don’t know each other (in person) it sure feels like I know the two of you.

And GG I'm anxiously waiting to hear how your head is doing : )

Mich~ You didn’t say what was up with the kids….

Glad to hear you had a long talk with Jim and he gave you the reassurance for you to call him when you feel like you are in crisis. When I was going through my tough time, I used my therapists invite more than a few times. Just hearing his voice either on the voice mail or if I talked directly to him, helped me calm down. Now you made a comment about wanting to get to the place of not feeling like you need someone around the corner…that time will come but for now this is where you are at, and remember that is OK. You need to do what you need to do to take care of you.

The more I get to know you the more I like you and feel what I have always felt- that the core of you is just one heck of a beautiful giving person. In reading your response to others you, are always so thoughtful (unless of course you’re in a moment and a nerve got struck : ) and who doesn’t have those moments when under an extreme amount of stress or a sore spot is hit??? But I read what you write to others and you have this calmness and clearness when you write (when you’re not under stress of course). And actually, it is really relaxing to read what you write, if that makes sense. And I respect so much that you’re truthful in what you feel.

And wow have you had the trials in your adult life with your children and family. That’s a lot of stress and just plain alot for one family to handle and be expected to handle with ease. It’s easy for one to say that things will get better and just continue to have faith & hope that life will get better when you’re not in the midst of it or have experienced an almost continual stress. And I’ll ya when you mentioned about being angry with God and questioning why your kids, and not you…for one, people have gotten angry with God for a hell of a lot less and two, your love for your children just once again came through so loud and clear. That is exactly the nature instinct a mother feels- “why my babies and not me???” You hurt for your children, again that is exactly what a true mother feels. Before I say anything about how God plays in this, I’m going to wait to hear Ma Strong’s response.

You both take care…and hope to chat with you both again soon. Next week is going to be a wild one between school and work (get hit with those every so often) so if after this weekend you don’t see me around as much next week – I’m just having a busy week : ( but will check in (and will be back in full force) and keep up on what is going on with you both of you's.

And as always you two are in my thoughts and prayers and near to my heart. LL

October 22, 2006
9:12 am
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StronginHim77
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I am late (racing out the door), but I am going to re-read this thread when I return and post to you, Mich, OK? I will be praying for you today.

You remind me of the woman Jesus encountered who had been bent over for 18 years. To me, she symbolizes every wife, every mother, every daughter, every woman who has spent her life, bound and bent with sorrows, losses and burdens. And He INSTANTLY healed her, so that she could stand up straight for the first time in 18 years - pain free, too.

I think she reminds me of YOU, Mich. Your day of being set free is coming.

More later.

Love,

Ma Strong

October 22, 2006
9:57 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Ma Strong,

I do hope that you go back and read my response to you several posts back in this thread. I think that explains a lot.

LL,

Again, a lot I want to say, but will do at a later time, today, hopefully.

GG,

How are you honey? I miss you. Will talk to you later. Did you see LL is back? Yeah...

Love to you all,

Mich

MamaCinamon,

This thread says that we are all pretty screwed up, but we are all still breathing. I think that there is a slow but sure improvement for all of us.

October 22, 2006
11:15 am
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ggfred4
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Bonjour mich, mama,strong,LL, need, and everyone.
I SLEPT WELL LAST NIGHT, 7 HOURS OF UNINTERRUPTED RESTFUL SLEEP!!! (no meds either) Yippee!!! I have to feel better today because I have to go to work tomorrow...I am going to get called tomorrow about results and next step, etc. I am hoping for quick answers and move on...

I am constantly amazed at what I learn on this site...Just insightful people...LL, you pointed out that mich and I (twins separated by age; gosh, wish I was the younger one!) do begin doubting and take these nosedive turns while talking. Thanks for making me aware of it...It is not good for mich and me when we both do this at the same time and you are not around!!! Needed the strong twin! (Just giving you a hard time)

Yes, my husband and family still think I am confering with teachers and fellow educators in the field of learning...kind of true, I am learning here and getting an education...See, I am trying to quit lying (big problem w/me and hubby). Not bad lies, just tell him what he needs to know as it suits me!!! LOL
I know I am getting ready to get some flack about being on the computer so much, but trying to keep hubby pleased...yes, it is what you are thinking!!! Gosh, some men are so easy to manipulate...(not a pun!)

Yesterday was not a good day, but today will be. It has to be, oh, please be good!!!

Well, talk later,
GG

October 22, 2006
12:26 pm
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cyndra820
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LL, welcome back. I agree that the three of you were seperated some how but are definitely connected. All three of you give guidance without even knowing it.

GG, I'm glad you got so much sleep!!! And it was w/o meds!! Yea! You needed it.

Mich, just saying a quick hello to you. How are you today?

The three of you remind me of an Inida Arie song, Strenth Courage & Wisdom.

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
Behind my eyes there lives a me that I’ve been hiding for much too long
‘Cause I’ve been, too afraid to let it show
‘Cause I’m scared of the judgment that may follow
Always putting off my living for tomorrow
It’s time to step out on faith, I’ve gotta show my faith
It’s been illusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
I’ve gotta step out on faith, It’s time to show my faith
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

Chorus
Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it’s been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I’ve been, too afraid to make a choice
‘Cause I’m scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen

It’s time to step out on faith, I’ve gotta show my faith
It’s been illusive for so long but freedom is mine today
I’ve gotta step out on faith it’s time to show my faith
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

Chorus
Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it’s been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Bridge
I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
‘Cause I know, now that I’ve opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be….

Chorus
Strength, courage, and wisdom
It’s been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, wisdom
It’s been inside of me all along, everyday I’m praying for…

Chorus
Strength, courage, and wisdom
To find me, yeah,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Vamp
I found it in me, I found it finally
I’m sure to keep it’ cause I like it, I say thank you

The three of you show hope, love, wisdom and a capacity for sharing who you are with the rest of us that is a gift. Always know you are gifts from God and we all appreciate you.

October 22, 2006
12:34 pm
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ggfred4
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cyndra, that was absolutely wonderful...my gosh, those words,...such inspiration...

I like the part,,,"it's been inside of me all along"...gives me hope

THANKS! (((cyndra)))

October 22, 2006
1:11 pm
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cyndra820
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GG,

It's nice to give back to people who have given me so much. Besides, Inida Arie is one heck of a song writer. Any time I need a GIRL POWER song I turn to her or Christina Aguillera.

Thanks for the hug!!!

Regards,
Cyndra

October 22, 2006
2:19 pm
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StronginHim77
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Mich -

I read your courageous posting. You have been through hell and back again. No doubt about it. Most of us would have "caved" a long time ago from the heartache, worry, stress, fear and anguish you have endured.

You asked me to pray for you, so I did. And I talked to my entire church about you this morning and EVERY ONE IN THE CHURCH prayed for you, your marriage and your children's health for quite some time. (It wasn't one of those short/dry two line prayers for "...a friend who is struggling right now.") It was full blown, crying out to God to intervene and pour out His mercy upon you and your loved ones and deliver you from the terrible onslaught of grief, losses and despair.

I prayed that you would have HOPE.

Love,

Ma Strong

October 22, 2006
2:57 pm
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ggfred4
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Thanks ma strong for what you did for mich, that made my day!!! God bless you!!!

October 22, 2006
3:04 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Good afn Ladies:

GG: That is what my mom refers to... tell em what they want to hear and do as you dang well please while they are gone. lol. not funny, but she is good at it and I must confess that I have used that method also.

I just came from hubby's dad's bday dinner. His mom took me aside and told me I might as well call my oldest and have her move my youngest and me in w/ her. She said it's not what is goin on but what is perceived and she thinks we will end in separation so I might was well get it done. I kiss is a** just to try to get along, but he's never happy. He noticed I was down a bit, tryin not to cry in front of the whole fmily, and insisted I tell him what was goin on. I told him and he said not to listen to the ravings of a mad woman and he don't know what the hell is wrong w/ her and he wants our marriage to work, and I am sooo confused. Well, I spilled. Gonna go watch a movie w/ my youngest.

October 22, 2006
6:35 pm
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ggfred4
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mama, thanks for sharing your situation...feel free to spill anytime...I am learning this as I go...

mich, where are you?

LL, where are you?

I feel so much better today, yea,,, not exactly normal, but what is normal?

Hugs from GG

October 22, 2006
7:25 pm
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cyndra820
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Ma Strong what you did for Mich is amazing!! The power of prayer is so strong I know it will give her the power beyond was is normal to endure.

Mich you have endured so much!!! As Ma Strong said, many of us would have caved a long time ago. You did what you had to do and now you are feeling it. You will come through this.

GG I'm glad you're feeling better.

I'm getting ready for tomorrow. I've been busy looking at real estate listings. Since the xso and I are through I might as well buy a house. NO, not another project. Well, it sorta is, but this one benefits me!!

So, I'm about to start the journey to home ownership. From what I've heard it's going to be an interesting journey.

Take care ladies, and I will "see" you tomorrow.

Cyndra

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