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S.O.S. for Michigan- needs support!
October 19, 2006
9:48 pm
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justhinking
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Mich,
I feel for you because I have a 9 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. And I yell at them when things go wrong but that doesn't make you a bad mom. Kids are like balls they bounce up. Adults are harded. Your kids would never understand if you did something but apologizing to your daugther and her sayings "it's okay" it means "IT'S OKAY". things will work out and you will be in my prayers. STAY STRONG! FIGHT THIS FEELING YOU HAVE LIKE YOU NEVER FOUGHT BEFORE AND DONT LET IT OVER POWER YOU. belieave that there is a better tomorrow no matter what

October 19, 2006
10:13 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich - I got to get ready for work...I'll check in - in the morning. Sleep good mama.

October 19, 2006
10:14 pm
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mamacinnamon
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MICH (((HOLDING YOU CLOSE AS ALWAYS)))

October 19, 2006
10:29 pm
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kirikiri
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hey,mich

promise everyone here you will stay around.can you promise us that?

kiri

October 19, 2006
10:31 pm
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kasie919
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Hey mich:

just been sneaking in the back round, I know this time is hard for you, IM so sorry you are going through this,

I think we all go through the yelling stages at times, ive done it, ask my 20 year old, she thinks im crazy any way, but the only way to get through to her was yell, now she appreciates that i never hit her.. Ha..only if once...

I read about you not hugging your kids, and telling them you love them , I take it your mom took her life?

My momdid as well, and I loved her, more than anything, but I had no realistic thought she would actually take her life, i wen ton thinking she would always be there, i would hug her and tell her i loved her every single day, and if i couldnt see her, i called her 2,4,8, times a day, I will never forget the smell of her perfume, her voice and her touch because i made sure i hugged her every day, at least once..

Im not trying to make you cry or be more upset, im trying to tell you, those hugs i have ,take em and give them to your kids, put them all in one bed just for a night, let them snuggle with there mommie, they need it and so do you.. let them know you, let them love you, let them touch you, you will be amazed at what a childs touch can do for you...

{{{{{MICH}}}}}

love, kasie

October 19, 2006
11:09 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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kasie,

No, my mom was/is worthless. Sheis still around...haunts my every day life...

Mama-

Miss you so so much...

kirikiri-

Not tonight, I am sorry

My fighting power is worn out for the night...I love you all thanks so much from teh bottom of my heart...

October 19, 2006
11:10 pm
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mamacinnamon
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mich.. i'm here if you want to talk more.

October 19, 2006
11:12 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I can't tonight mama, just know that I am missing you so vrey bad right now. I know I always ask this, but please keep holding me tight. I am so tired...

October 19, 2006
11:19 pm
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kirikiri
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rest,gal.wakeup tomorrow with the sun!just relax.

October 19, 2006
11:37 pm
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mamacinnamon
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sorry was gone a bit. Guy brought some stuff over and took more to the building. Having the BIG moving sale tomorrow and Saturday so will be scarce here.

Mich... you know I will hold you close as ever and that you are in my prayers. YOU will be ok honey, IF YOU choose to be.

(( mich )) rest well chickie. 🙂

October 19, 2006
11:38 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Oh almost forgot.....

HI KiriKiri... nice to meet you.

October 19, 2006
11:45 pm
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ggfred4
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scared, didn't feel well tonight, been laying down. Not going to work tomorrow, seldom miss...After I go to doctor, I will check on you...
I will hold you in my heart tonight while I sleep...

October 20, 2006
6:08 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Well, it is 6am, and my son is sick, so I am up, very tired but I am up. I am still not doing good, but I am still here. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you, and LL, you didn't everstep your boundaries, you did what you felt like you needed to do. Thanks, love you girl...

October 20, 2006
7:29 am
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ggfred4
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hey, just got up, thought of you, and came to check on you...will throughout the day...

October 20, 2006
7:46 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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thanks GG, I appreciate it so.

October 20, 2006
7:51 am
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cyndra820
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Hi Michigan,

I just got to work and am checking on you. Sorry your son's sick.

I'll check back later to see how you are.

Cyndra

October 20, 2006
8:18 am
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ggfred4
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How are YOU doing today?

October 20, 2006
8:50 am
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lovinglife
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who's up?

October 20, 2006
8:51 am
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lovinglife
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and GG is going to the doc - what a relief...

October 20, 2006
8:53 am
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lovinglife
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Mich what is your son sick with - flu or cold?

October 20, 2006
8:55 am
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lovinglife
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ok, looks like I'm alone again : (

October 20, 2006
8:57 am
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lovinglife
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girls I'm going to fall over here in about a minute - if I don't get a second wind...

October 20, 2006
9:01 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I have been better to be honest. I am doing ok, not as bad as yesterday, I just have a lot on my plate. As I said, this is eating me alive. Jim promised me that this would get worse before it gets better, and that scares me a lot. I have said it ovre and over, I just want to be happy. Pointing out my failures as a mother is very hard for me. I love my babies, all four of them. I do. Mama keeps saying that I have to choose to be happy, and everything else, that I will be ok if I choose to be. It isn't that I don't want it to be ok, but I am too weak to feel worse. Does that make any sense? If I didn't want to be better I wouldn't be going to the pysch and spending hours upon hours. I wouldn't be here whining, and sounding stupid to you guys. If I didn't care, if i didn't want to be better, that would be one thing. I feel weaker when I hear that because I am trying, it is just very hard, and I have nobody here that understands me at all. So I come to you guys, and I know that nobody is trying to make me feel worse. No doubt about it, Jim says that I am clinically suicidal, and depressed. It isn't something I say for attention, the fact is that the desire to die, is the biggest thing I face every day. I don't like it. I don't choose to live this way, I am trying to choose to make it different. I just need support to get better. If I could wake up one morning and say, this is going to be a good day, and I am not going to think about suicide, that would be one thing, but the fact is that it is automatic that I think about it. I go to bed and wake up with that desire. I wish that someone could understand that. Maybe I have chosen my reactions to all of this, BUT I didn't choose what happened to me. I was never taught as a child to trust, and get through things, and face lifes dissapointments. To me 30 years of life has been a BIG disappointment. Not to say that good things haven't happened because they have. But nothing has worked to keep me from wanting to die. I live in the past, and I have lived with it for so long, that I don't know how to live without it. And that scares me. My past is who I am. I don't know anyhting different. I am trying to get better, and I am going to get help because I want it that way. But if it indeed is going to get worse before it gets better, then, I need support from somewhere. So I have picked here. Most of the time I feel supported very well. The times that I feel like I get knocked down, I do my best to get back up, and ask for help again. But that is getting tougher. I am trying, and somewhere i hope that you can all see that. Codependence is a funny thing. Trying to get through some of my VERY codependent behaviors, I have become very dependant on my support from people at this site. Right now, that is what I feel like I need. If someone disagrees, please feel free to tell me.

October 20, 2006
9:01 am
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StronginHim77
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Mich -

Did you get that call in to Jim?

Love,

Ma Strong

October 20, 2006
9:03 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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100sp_Permalink sp_Print

LL, I think that it is strep. My daughter woke up complaining about her ear too. His fever was 102.8 about an hour ago, and he is complaining that his throat and his head hurt. Poor little guy. He is so cute.

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