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5:25 pm
September 29, 2010
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5:32 pm
September 29, 2010
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Mich- are you here? This will load faster and other's may have the additional insight and support you need right now...
5:33 pm
September 29, 2010
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I can' type it again LL. i typed it over there...both posts...I am crying to ahrd to post it again
5:35 pm
September 29, 2010
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ok, can I copy and paste for you what you wrote??
5:38 pm
September 30, 2010
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I'm here, too, LL & Mich.
5:40 pm
September 29, 2010
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Mich I hope you dont mind here, and I am not over stepping any boundaries...but I love and care about you Mich and want as many people here as possible for support.
Mich's posts from another thread...
ScaredinMichigan
19-Oct-06
Anyone that may be reading this thread that is not GG, or LL, PLEASE, I don't care who it is....I need someone, anyone, I am losing my mind...PLEASE...
I don't even know where to start...I am so sad and disheartened....Mu psych just told me after talking to him, that he can see exactly how I have and am preparing myself and my kids for my suicide...He is very worried about my risk of suicide...I put on a happy face, but I am so miserable. I try to help everyone else, I can't. I am a liar, and I am a shitty mom. I am awful...I HATE ME. I am so selfish, I never could see what I was doing until today, and he made sense, that is exaclty what I was doing, and am. He fears that I will do it, I am NOT afraid to do it, and right now, there is nothing that I want more. I don't want to make me and my kids even more miserable...
That is why he said it, I told hm how I treat my kids, I told him that I can't kiss my 9 and my 5 year old, that I don't want them touching me, and that all I do is yell at them. All 3 of the big ones...Because I don't want them to miss me when I am gone, and I kow that if I am a shitty mom to them, that I can convince myself that it is better to go. It is, I am awful. I have destroyes these kids because of my anger, my resentment, I look in the mirror and I see my mom....I am horrible..
5:40 pm
September 29, 2010
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Im here.....as long as Im needed.
Snow
5:40 pm
September 30, 2010
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Reposting from other thread:
ScaredinMichigan
19-Oct-06
I don't even know where to start...I am so sad and disheartened....Mu psych just told me after talking to him, that he can see exactly how I have and am preparing myself and my kids for my suicide...He is very worried about my risk of suicide...I put on a happy face, but I am so miserable. I try to help everyone else, I can't. I am a liar, and I am a shitty mom. I am awful...I HATE ME. I am so selfish, I never could see what I was doing until today, and he made sense, that is exaclty what I was doing, and am. He fears that I will do it, I am NOT afraid to do it, and right now, there is nothing that I want more. I don't want to make me and my kids even more miserable...
5:42 pm
September 29, 2010
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Mich- are u here?
This is my reposting from the other thread...and thanks Ma Strong...now we just need to find Mich...
I'm glad that you were honest with him in how you felt...you need to be honest Mich...does not do any good to cover up what we feel...
What did you suggest for you? And PLEASE do not beat yourself up about anything that you feel...you have been hurt deeply and to this point have not received the help- the real help you have needed all these years.
5:43 pm
September 29, 2010
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yes, barely, and only til my husband gets home
5:43 pm
September 30, 2010
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Scared, I AM HERE, I WILL HOLD YOU!!!
Let's get through this, everyone here cares for YOU!!!
5:44 pm
September 29, 2010
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Ok, you here now. What did Jim suggest that would help you?
5:45 pm
September 30, 2010
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Mich -
You are NOT like your mother. You are reaching out for help. You have gathered up every ounce of courage you have and entered into treatment with a doctor (who sounds really compassionate and sharp). You WILL recover. You WILL be okay. And your kids WILL be fine. I have screamed and yelled at my sons when they were little (for many, many reasons, including when my late husband was mean to me) and they have come through it just fine. We are very close now and they have forgiven me for being HUMAN and having problems, just as your kids will forgive you.
You are not a bad mother. You are simply doing the best you can to survive a very painful time in your life. But it WILL pass. You DO have support and people who care about you and will stand by you, including all of us on these threads.
Love,
Ma Strong
5:46 pm
September 29, 2010
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I think that I threw him way off, I am so screwed up, but it was the last conversation before I left, and it was far from over, and I was crying my eyes out, BUT I had to be home by four for my babysitter, I was there for almost three hours again today..
GG, PLEASE HOLD TIGHT,
5:47 pm
September 30, 2010
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I gotcha baby, holding tight and listening..
5:47 pm
September 29, 2010
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I know that I am reaching out for help, but I think I waited too long.. I love my babies, but I have kept myself from them, I haven't let them love me or me love them...I am a mess
5:48 pm
September 29, 2010
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Jim asked me, di I think that there is hope? I am hopeless, I wan't hopeless yesterday...
5:51 pm
September 29, 2010
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Ma Strong- may have just started stories coming from mothers who have yelled at their children, from mothers who have been under alot of stress and couldn't be the best they wanted to be, and I am one of those mothers...my sons have stories that I hate to hear.
Another thing that Ma said, YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER...you have reached out for help - YOU HAVE COURAGE.
5:51 pm
September 30, 2010
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Mich -
Go hug each of your kids and let them hug you back. It will bring you comfort.
Love,
Ma Strong
5:51 pm
September 30, 2010
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you are right, you weren't yesterday...He made you aware of things that can be corrected scared. None of us are perfect moms; I did something yesterday that I shouldn't have done...Scared this can be fixed...believe it....calm down...still holding you...
5:53 pm
September 29, 2010
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Ma-
2 of them are currently in bed where they cried themselves to sleep. I don't currently feel worthy of their love either...
5:53 pm
September 29, 2010
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And another thing Ma Strong said (Love ya Ma)... Jim is a sharp & very compassionate man...and he is going to guide you Mich...
5:55 pm
September 30, 2010
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scared, go lay with them and hug them, kiss them, apologize if you want, tell them you love them,...I will hold your hand...we will wait...
This can be fixed!!! Listen to LL and Strong; they are so wise...
5:55 pm
September 29, 2010
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Ma Strong, I know how you feel about this topic, I am so sorry, why are you even listening to me? I know how it has affected you and yours....I shouldn't be here either, but this is where i ran to
5:57 pm
September 30, 2010
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Mich -
Why would I NOT want to listen to you??? You are struggling and in so much pain...and so deserving of our support and compassion. Now, go wake up those kids and hug them. And hold them in your arms. Let that contact help you find your strength. IT WILL.
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