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Runaround from Doctors,...chronic pain,...From euqcaj
August 18, 2007
7:32 am
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euqcaj
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I have emailed two doctors, one is my primary care physician and the other is from a pain clinic that I was referred too. They both, I feel, gave me the run around. They are saying I have chronic pain that will not go away. Increase my medicine, Gabapentin. That my activities will increase my symptoms of pain. Well, what the heck! Am I supposed to sit on the couch and deteriorate! I'm active, exercise, try to stay in good health. Guess what they're saying is that the pain is going to be there, get used to it. Take the medication to mask the pain and carry on. That was it! Guess I should try to find out more about chronic pain,.....I've never had anything that doesn't eventually get better. This is distressing me, although the medication does help mask it,sort of, at times,.... but is that such a good idea? Doesn't seem like it. But I guess if it's something that nothing can be done for,.....I'm confused right now. I'm also greatful it's not cancer or something. Any ideas?

August 18, 2007
11:07 am
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mamacinnamon
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Euqcaj:

I used to be type triple A workaholic and single mom, took care of my home, ran a business, never stopped and then one day it all did stop.

I know your plite very well. Took me years to get a diagnosis. Yes, chronic pain does exist, but they need to and can put a name to it.

I took the following from a site called:
http://www.theacpa.org/index.asp

What is chronic pain?
Chronic pain is pain that continues a month or more beyond the usual recovery period for an injury or illness or that goes on for months or years due to a chronic condition. The pain is usually not constant but can interfere with daily life at all levels.

How do I find out more information about my pain problems?
Most chronic pain conditions have an organization that is designed to provide specific information about cause, treatment, and research. The Resources section of this site can link you to many of them.

August 18, 2007
11:23 am
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euqcaj
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Thank you Mama! That is the bestt information I have been given. I will check out the site. Thank you so much! I am hopeful that I can get rid of this. How are you doing with your's? What are you doing or what did you do to get better? Please share, if you don't mind. And again, thank you so much.
euqcaj

August 18, 2007
11:27 am
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fantas
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(((Eucaj))) I am so sorry that you ar still dealing with this. Would you ever consider accupuncture? I have found it to work well for pain management. Different people are helped by it differently by far and large most get significant results. Do the doctor say what is causing the pain? Is there such a thing as a chronic pain clinic? Perhaps you can see a Internal Medicine doctor.

I wish I knew what the right to do was...

Hang in there:)

August 18, 2007
11:43 am
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euqcaj
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Hello Fantas!
Thank you for your concern.
Well, I might consider acupuncture,....but it sounds awful to me. Sorry. I know others have apparently benefitted from it, so there's always a possibility. I tried a chiropracter, which turned out to be a waste of time and money, in my case. Anyway, I have been to a pain clinic and the doctor said that the pain will not go away, it is chronic. OK,......I am not going to believe that. I will pray and take my medicine and I believe that with time this will go away. They think I have injured myself somehow and/or have been stressed out so much that this is the result. Both are very possible reasons that would fit into my life and my past. Even my husband said that one can take stress, disappointments, estrangement from children, divorce, other people's problems, etc....for so long, and then all of a sudden your body, mind, and spirit can't handle it any longer. I believe that's where I'm at. I also believe there is a very strong possibility that I have both the injury and the emotional part going on. Maybe this is my way of punishing myself for everything that's awry, not perfect, family dysfunction, etc. I am not sure, but maybe, just maybe, I'm figuring this out. I believe God has forgiven me, but I have not forgiven myself. It's time. Time to heal. Mamacinnamon gave me a site to check out and I'm going to look into that. Thank you for listening Fantas. It's a long road to recovery. But it's wonderful to have people like you along the way. I also believe that my codependency issues are a contributor to my angst also. But I am just learning about that. I have asked for that book I keep hearing everyone talk about on this site,.....Codependent No More. I hope to learn alot from that.
I'm so glad I have you all to "talk" to.
euqcaj

August 18, 2007
12:51 pm
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euqjac:

If you would, and don't mind, would you post your story here? I am not prying, but it could help tremendously w/ your pain as in maybe pointing to what is causing it.

I went thru a very emotionally and somewhat physically abusive first marriage that lasted 12 years. After that I was holding a job, going to school, running 1 business in 2 locations, takin care of the kids, the house, the bills, etc. I ran nonstop for 2 years until I met hubby 2. We maried, moved 4 times in 1 summer to get to the final destination. I have dealt w/ the evilx until my last child turned 18 and then off and on since. He just never lets up. Thing w/ me now is I say "kids are adults now you have no reason to call me" click.

I tell you a short version of my history because it was not until I finally relaxed that I got ill. It has to do w/ the basal ganglia part of my brain. An example goes like this.... a soldier while at war was on alert 24/7 for 9 months. He had to be to remain living. He comes home and a few months later starts having pain and is ill and nobody can figure this out. The reason for it is that when we are in the "fight or flight" mode our basal ganglia swells. Then when the danger is over it goes back to normal. A person that has been in the situation like the soldier for a period of time, when the danger is over the basal ganglia remains swollen because it does not recognize the danger is gone. It's kinda stuck and cannot go back to normal. Hope that makes sense. That is what happened to me. It is most usually called PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder.

It has been found that PTSD is a presymptom for several chronic pain illnesses. Fibromyalgia, which is one, is what I have. But, each person is different. Fantas suggested acupuncture. I have heard great things about it but have not done it so cannot comment other than my mom did it and it helped for awhile. For me, as my rheumy doc says, his job is to keep me as comfortable as possible thru meds. They don't take the pain totally away ever for me, but compared to as bad as I have been at my worse I wouldn't not take them.

I guess that's it for now.

August 18, 2007
12:58 pm
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OK not it for now. Got interrupted by a phone call.

My chiropractor has helped me the most not only in keeping me functioning, but also referring me to docs that will help me. My pulmonary doc is also great. He orders tests my family doc blows off. My family doc I only have to get me to my other docs.

It took me several years to get docs that actually believed in what I have. My words to you are... if your doc is blowin you off then move on. I went thru probably 7-10 before I found one that actually was willing to do something. That was 2 years after my onset.

I also do a lot of my own research and my doc either rolls his eyes or says yes, could be or no, cannot be. I have had every test you can imagine. Even the shots in the base of the neck by pain management. Those hurt like hell and proved to be worth nothing in the end. I even had one doc tell me he ran everything he knew and he could not help me. That was a good doc.

Anyway, just more thoughts to throw out.

August 18, 2007
4:37 pm
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euqcaj
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Hi Mamacinnamom
Yes, I will share my story,....hopefully tonight. I have to run right now and go paint a house. 🙂 What I read of the PTSD sounds very likely. One can only handle stress for so long and it's going to catch up with you. For me, it could also be an injury. I used to be an ice skater, ....well,...I'll tell you tonight. But it seems to me I've been on an emotional roller coaster for years, abusive years,...filled with anxiety, fear, etc. And maybe this is my way of punishing myself for what I perceive as my mistakes, and some of them have been my mistakes. I will write more later. Thank you for caring.
euqcaj

August 19, 2007
10:56 am
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Good Morning!
Well here goes with my story, Mamacinamon,........and anyone willing to listen.
I loved being little, a little girl. I was born in Eastern Washington and we moved to the Pacific Northwest when I was 4. I thought the world was a wonderful place. I even had a brother that was 11 years older than me. I was born after my father came home from the war. 🙂 But I was planned, my mother apparently had difficulty conceiving me,...but I made it here. Thank you God. Then,....I remember yelling,..lots of it. I hated it. I retreived into my room. I had a very neat and tidy room. Clean and orderly. It was a safe place,....I hated the yelling. My parents loved me and used deliberate strong discipline with me. I knew my boundaries! But as I got older I got sassy some times. Sometimes I hated my mother, but I miss her so now. She passed away when I was 24,....I'm crying. I miss her so. We didn't have a chance to become friends. She died of emphasema. I miss her so. When I was 12 I began to ice skate. My father was a carpenter and my mother went to work to pay for my skating. My brother had left for the Navy when I was 7. I missed him so much when I was 7 and on. I looked up to him and loved him with all my heart. (Turns out maybe he didn't really love me in turn, but we'll get to that later). But I thought he loved me. He was wonderful in my eyes. So,...my skating career began. And my mother reminded me she was working to pay for my skating! So I better be good! They never pushed me, it was something I wanted to do and I loved it. But there was pressure! Big time! Competition,...I always stressed out. I am a calm loving person,...not cut out for the mean little brats that are heartless. Sometimes things were said to me in the dressing room that messed me up before I even got onto the ice!! I wish I could go back now and ignore them and skate with all my heart! They defeated me in the dressing room because didn't know how to handle it!So my amateur skating went on,....I won an artistic award and was in several competitions, I got quite good and I loved it. I loved to perform, I hated competions. In high school I only went to school 3 hours a day. I had all my credits and I spent many hours practicing. This was unheard of back then,...to let a girl do something like this. So I was one of the first! I didn't realize how significant this was back then, I just knew I had talked my counselor into it. I talked my was into a lot of things, and they weren't always good for me. Anyway,..two weeks after graduation, I was on an airplane, at 17, to join up with the Shipstad and Johnson Ice Follies. I think I had only been on two dates, and they were VERY supervised. I remember always telling the boy,..."I would if I could,..but I can't". Good thing. Anyway, off I go on a jet,..I saw my mother cry for the first time over me. It was very emotional, exciting, and plain scary. I had no idea what I was in for. I wasn't emotionally mature enough for this. But my heart was in my performance! And the audience and the lights! Still is! Things went well for awhile, then everyone was either trying to get me into bed or make me drink. I found the drink. Then I wanted more. I was 18 and legal to drink in New York. I found the liquor store. I also learned what a hang over was. It is difficult to skate under those conditions. I left the Ice Follies after a year. I really wanted to start a family with someone I had known for 5 years back at home. I felt I wanted to be a wife and mother more than travel around and live "out of my suitcase". I really wanted to do this. We got married and I had my first daughter 1 1/2 years later. That marriage was rocky, immature, and it lasted for 5 years. We were drinking through our marriage also, just not full time. Not a very nice break up either. Then I married my emotional abuser. I thought he was wonderful,...he acted like he loved my 2 1/2 year old, he was responsible, had a house, acted like he wanted me,...etc. Then my self esteem, what I had of it, got beaten down so badly, I thought I was going to die. Literally. I had had an eating disorder, bulemia, since I was about 14 or so. It got really bad now. I was 98 pounds. It was bad. The whole atmosphere was bad. Bad for my daughter, whom he adopted,....nice jesture, right? But he treated her like dirt when his own biological daughter came along. He treated me like dirt. Long emotionally suffering years later, 12 to be exact, we divorced. I was still drinking and not making good decisions about anything. I loved my daughters, but as I look back, I was coping, and coping, and coping. I was not able to give much, I tried, and I tried to keep my head above water. I had a job, paid my bills, and survived. Step by step. I went through treatment,....(In my 2nd marriage we went to AA and it worked for awhile, but with his put down's all the time I didn't feel like life was what it was supposed to be and my sobriety didn't last for long, something was still wrong). After treatment, I did well and established myself better. Then I started to drink again, to be socially acceptable. I struggled, everygthing seemed bleak. I had joint custody of the girls, my ex had all the money. He got the house, cars, boat, extra property,....I got freedom from him. I was basically a happy, loving person and my daughters and I were happy at home, UNTIL he came home. We never knew what kind of a mood he was going to be in. There was this awful cloud always hanging there,...were we going to be loved or not. Was he going to make us feel awful or not? And in the meantime, everyone on the outside thought we were such a beautiful, perfect little family. After all, we had all the "stuff", our house was neat, we went to church,......I was dying inside. I hated him. How could I fail again? I left my skating, which I feel I screwed up my chances there. My first marriage failed. Now my second and I was drinking alcoholically. My mother died. I miss her so. Then my brother, who was and had been gone for so long, in the Navy for awhile, and then doing his own thing,....he got thrown into jail for something he did. I heard he threatened an IRS agent. I'm not sure of the story and either was my father, we only got bits and pieces of it. But here was my perfect brother, who had been an officer in the Navy, everyone respected him, we held him up on a pedestal,.....was in jail. And it must have been bad because he was there for 1 1/2 years. Everytime he was due to get out, they left him there. They didn't have the right papers, etc. Some excuse. I think they were doing it on purpose to have him serve more time. Anyway,....the brother I thought I had, wasn't. He had turned into a hard nosed person, I didn't know him. He was arogant, drinking too much also. I felt very uncomfortable aroundd him. Almost like he would seduce me if he could. I just had that funny feeling. Well, he tried later. His daughter died when she was about 14. She died in the bathtub from a seisure of some kind. Apparently she was on medication and didn't take it like she should. My brother fell apart from that time on. He never got a grip. We were both drinking,....I went to the funeral across country. My father went also. I was drinking. After the funeral, my brother tried to seduce me when he had me alone. I almost fell for it,..I was so drunk. Nothing happened but I felt horrified and left the next morning on a plane home. My father stayed for a while. Before I left, my brother took me in his arms, just like when I was a little girl, when I loved him so much, and said,..."no one has to know our secret". It was awful,...I promised not to tell. Well, I did tell, my current husband and all of you who are reading this. I was very uncomfortable seeing him after that when he came out here to visit. And he was always "different" after that. Like he was tolerating me. It was weird. I felt like it was my fault,...... My father said he was my "idiot" brother, for other reasons that were going on, that I didn't know about and I didn't pry.
Then I remarried after about 5 years on my own. I am currently married to a man who actually cares about me. We have been together for 16 years. Good start! I do not have an eating disorder anymore, I do not drink anymore. That was a decision we both made when we got together, and we don't regret it. Thank God. I lost my father six years ago, my oldest daughter hasn't talked to me for seven years,....my brother and step mother won't have anything to do with me and I think it's over money from when my father died. It was a very upsetting time, ....my father was dying, my last parent, and here my family is making me like an outcast, and I don't know why. There was something very strange going on while my dad was on his dying bed,...he could not speak, but before his last stroke, he was trying to tell me and my husband something,..he just couldn't get the words out. He called us one morning at 5 am and told us to come. He was 3 hours away, but we said we'd be there. He was very upset and wanted us to count the money he had in the house. He trusted us over is wife and her leech children,......he had over $10,000. just in the house. Anyway,....he was upset over his finances and he was losing his ability to handle them. There was nothing we could do because we didn't really understand what was going on,...his wife was beligerant and the her daughers were awful to me. I will always believe they made off with something. My brother cleaned out the garage, even of things that we know my father wanted my husband to have. I have not heard anything from these people for over 6 years. The attorney that handles the trust my father left, is the only person. My brother said that if I wanted to contact him, I had to go through the attorney. Why is he acting like this? He is a jerk. And he took everything. The step mother is still alive. She is a witch. She turned out to be differnet than what I perceived. I had always treated her with respect when my dad remarried. She has only been tolerating me. Once my dad, for some reason, said "she sort of likes me." Was he trying to prepare me? Anyway,...Al my immediate famiy is gone, except one daughter and her famiy. They are either dead or not talking. This tore my world apart. I still had my current husband who has been by my side all along. That's my story. I know I have been scared,...going through life. I have been disappointed and hurt to the core with family that I though everybody was supposed to love and protect each other. It's all messed up. And now we have my husband's son who is a meth user, messing up his life, lost his house, has a wife and two kids, who are suffering.,....and on it goes. I try to be a person of peace,...my gut wrenches, I apparently have Irritable Bowel syndrome,.....I wonder why? How does one maintain peace so your body doesn't suffer when the world is so messed up and your family structure has fallen apart?
After writting this Mama cinnamon,....no wonder I'm messed up. I know there are worse stories, but I don't handle all of this "stuff" very well. God Bless.
euqcaj

August 19, 2007
12:38 pm
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euqcaj
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I reread my own story and am sitting here in tears. I know God can take the broken pieces and put them back together into a beutiful mosaic that the sun(Son) shines through. I read that once. But there is still healing that needs to be done,...I just have to figure out how to do that. Please share your experiences with me.
euqcaj

August 19, 2007
8:34 pm
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mamacinnamon
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euqcaj:

I'm sorry your life has been in such termoil. First I was to say to you that your story may not be as bad as some, but that is irrelevant here. Your story is yours. Your pain is yours. It doesn't matter how bad you had it, how much money you have or have not, or whether you were physically or mentally abused or both. The pain you feel is real and it is just as bad as the pain I feel in my situation. See what I am saying? You don't apologize here for writing your story. I thank you for sharing it.

What to do... I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "I know God can take the broken pieces and put them back together into a beutiful mosaic that the sun(Son) shines through. I read that once. But there is still healing that needs to be done,.." Yes, there is healing that needs to be done. Yes, God can take it but my personal opinion is that he doesn't just say "poof be gone" and it's done. He wants you to do what it takes to heal. I think you know where to start w/ that. Note to you... we only talk about God up in libs coz some folks are not comfortable w/ God being spoken of. If you want to talk more about God I will be glad to meet you in libs for that.

Have you thought of counseling? Have you talked to your doc and gotten on an antidepressant? Sometimes we need that little extra boost to help us thru the storm.

I'll see about telling you my story. I'll have to look and see if it here and then I can copy/paste. If not I'll work on it. I cannot type for long periods of time. Funny, coz that is what I did for a living was type.

Anyway, I'm gonna jump off to get dinner for the kids. I'll return later.

Hang in there. You will make it thru this if you are willing to put forth the effort.

🙂

August 19, 2007
9:01 pm
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I am willing to put forth the effort,....and it is so good to know I have someone who will write back to me. Having the support makes me feel happy and more confident. I just read the thread about "boundaries" and there was an explanation of codependency,....very informative. There were a number of items that fit me and my family,..growing up and my marriages. I believe my pain is stress related,..maybe a physical injury too, but nothing I can pinpoint. Thank you for being there mama! I will look forward to talking to you more along the way.
euqcaj

August 19, 2007
9:26 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Get the book Codependency No More by Melodie Beattie. I think that would be the 2nd best place to start. I think you will be amazingly surprised at what you read. I have gone thru the book several times so would be glad to discuss it w/ you as you go thru it.

August 20, 2007
10:23 am
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I have ordered it from our library. I'm eager to read it. More later. I must say that was pretty powerful to post "my life". Of course, there are many things that are not "listed",...there were wonderful parts too, for sure. But here I am,...
Now I will read the book as soon as I get it. I'm a slow reader but I absorb things. Can't wait to talk to you about it.
euqcaj

August 21, 2007
1:37 pm
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Life throw us fastballs, catching them isnt as bad as knowing what to do with them afterwar. I must tell you that having Mamacinnamon on your side is a plus, a major one. This woman will lighten you load if you listen to her. I think that it is time for you to stop worry ing about your brother, and the past and start new. Life is short. Believe me, im no angel

August 21, 2007
2:14 pm
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My advice is to actually BUY the book "Codependent No More" because
you will need to refer to it a lot to get "well" and stay well!

I can relate to your story. I have had a lot of bad things (and good) happen to me, too, throughout my life. I feel for you...I feel with you. I am still learning a lot at the young age of 5

I also did a lot of drinking to deal with things from the age of 22 to 40. Then I made a choice to stop the drinking. I am now able to drink socially, but I know it is not good for my body physically...so I don't do it too often. I don't want to get pancreas or liver problems.

If you think stress and worry can be causing your pain, why don't you try going on a relaxing SPA vacation that specializes in treating physical problems caused from stress. Maybe a week somewhere devoted to YOU would rejuvinate you. Maybe there would be classes or information available there to help you look at life differently. Does anyone out there know of a good place?? Or maybe you could "google" it on the computer.

But FIRST I would read Codependent No More. That book is a life saver. I used to suffer from guilt (and I am not really guilty...) and I thought I was going crazy. But I found out I was a codependent person. What a relief. I am not crazy. Ha! We codependents can drive ourselves crazy, though! And make ourselves sick. Her book offers real solutions.

Second, I would go on this spa vacation that could offer me advice and help, and take the book with me.

Good luck. Peace be with you.

And I think it is OK to talk about God here. Why would we hold back if that is the way we feel? And if it is a help. I am willing to listen to an atheist, too, if it helps. Be open to new ideas and learn.

August 21, 2007
2:48 pm
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I meant to say my age was a young 59, not 5.

August 21, 2007
3:16 pm
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(((Eucaj)))

Good for you!! You put you wrote your story!! That must have been healing. Thank you for sharing it with us. My stomach cringes at the thought of writing my whole all at once. I still can only take it piece by piece. Like Mama said, there is no comparing your pain to others. It's your experience and if it's painful, it's. Regardless of the source of it, it hurts the same and healing has to happen.

I also agree with Pearlseeker that you should by the book codependent no more at some point. Consider the codependent's big book.

You asked about what you can do, Well, I think you are doing it. The fact that you told your story means that you are telling yourself the truth about things. You are asking questions. You are intending your life to be different and things are happening. I would actually encourage you to see all the things that have and are changing for you starting with whatever led you to coming to this site. Sometimes we are so busy fixing things and moving onto the next levels that we do not appreciate where we have come from. Just reading your story makes me wanna sing "I will survive"!.

I am sure that God is not only going to put all your pieces together but he is already putting them together in the beautiful mosaic pattern. Your story is proof of that. I think all the things you are dealing with your daughter and grand babies is just the pains of designing that last pieces of it. The storm before the calm so to speak. So hang in there. You are doing well!

Sending you ((((cyberhug))):)

August 21, 2007
4:56 pm
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Love and Hugs to you, Euqcaj! I'm glad you wrote some of your story here. These boards are the first place I ever told mine and I also found rereading not only my story, but other posts has been very helpful. I saw a counselor through work who told me I was codependent and his first suggestion was to get the book, Codependent No More which has been mentioned here. I have to agree it is very helpful even to keep going back and referring to as recovery is ongoing. I find many times that I need to be reminded of things I had previously read about things which worked for me, but I still need reminders to try to stay on track. I still come here looking for answers. 🙂

August 22, 2007
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You have all brought tears to my eyes,....people that have taken the time to read my posts, offer their hope and advice from their own experiences. I am overwhelmed with thanks. I know there is love in what you all write. Thank you and I WILL look into BUYING the book, but today I am going to pick it up at the library. Thank you again all so much!
I must run this morning,...but look forward to checking back to my new friends!
With love,
jacque 🙂
PS I am going to type it that way,...it's much easier! 🙂

August 22, 2007
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lol. I bet it is easier to type it that way. I saw what the meaning is and I say DUH. I'm not always the smartest cookie in the bag.

Have a nice day jacque. 🙂

August 25, 2007
10:16 am
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Hi everyone,....
Just checking back in. My husband and I have been busy painting a house,..I'm beginning to get tired of it, even though I enjoy painting. I just need some time at home. Sunday it is supposed to rain around here, so we will stay home. 🙂

I began to read the book, "Codependent No More",.....
The first thing that stood out to me is I better BUY the book, just as everyone was suggesting. The next thing was that it became apparent I have been "coping" with life. It seems so simple to type it and so painful to realize what I have done. I began to cry when I looked back to even when I was a little girl and saw how I coped with my surroundings,....how I developed an eating disorder (before it had a name), to cope. Then how alcohol became my friend at 18 so I could cope with the things that were not as I had hoped they would be. Then the alcohol turned into an enemy and not my friend,....but I couldn't live without it.

I'm so glad that "so-called" friend is long gone. I guess it's always looming, but it's not an issue anymore. What a gift!!

Now I'm facing more reality. I haven't gotten into the book very far, but I can't wait to read more. I would like to discuss things as I go along. I know Mama said she would be willing to. Anyone else? Maybe we should change the name of the thread. Any ideas?

I'm so glad you are all here. It's nice to have friends that KNOW what you are "talking" about.

Fantas,....are you there? You are so encouraging! I hope you stay in touch.

Pearlseeker,....your story sounds similar to mine,...and I can relate to the guilt feelings so well. That will be a wonderful thing to get rid of someday. To handle things with confidence and feel secure in what I do, without thinking so much about someone else's disapproval, or the possibility of it. Sometimes I'm confident, but I can be shaken so easily, it's silly. I look around me and other people don't "give a rip", if you will, and they go about their way and do their thing and not think so much about what the other person thinks. I'm not so sure I want to be that way, but I would like to find a balance where I could be me and not have the pain of worrying so much about things. Hopefully I'll learn as I read the book.

Stay in touch Pearlseeker.

Smarterone,.......I used your phrase,.."life throws us fastballs",..just the other day when I was in a situation with my step son. My husband was there to observe the step son's behavior. For some reason that phrase helped me deal with the situation. And it might have helped my husband too, because he made a definite comment which helped me establish a boundary with the step son! I was able to go to the step son and tell him that I would be much more inclined to help him if he asked me, instead of telling me what to do. He acted like he didn't want to acknowledge that,...but the important thing was that I was able to SAY IT. And now the stepson knows that I'm aware, I'm not just going to jump at his command and I want respect.

And yes,...your suggestion of forgetting my brother and my past has been mentioned to me before. It's easier said than done but I'm getting better. Just by being on this site and focusing on getting better and exploring ways to do that,...is keeping me busy. It's difficult to "let go" ,....after all they are family, and my brother is the last living relative of my immediate family. He doesn't seem to care about me, his sister,....I don't get it. I really feel he pulled something "with the money" when our father died and now his behavior with me is just a cover for whatever he pulled. He doesn't have to face me if he's angry with me. But that leaves me with such a horrible feeling because I don't know why and maybe I never will. That's a horrible feeling. I thought everything was ok and now it's not. It's just like going to jail or being accused of something you don't know anything about and nothing to do with. So,...forget the past,.....focus on the now,...I will still miss my brother,...although I don't think I really know him anymore.

Tumbleweed,......please keep writing,...you have so much to offer.

I better get going,....we have a full day of work ahead of us,....yeah, I know,...it's Saturday,...but we have to mow lawns and do some more painting on another building. I married into this,...I remember sweetly sayig ,..."Yes, I'll help you". Bigger jobs than I ever imagined,...but I couldn't ask for a better man. He's always there for me.

"Talk" to you all soon. And please, any ideas for a new name for a new thread,.......
With love and hope for a day mixed with joy and learning.
Jacque 🙂

August 25, 2007
11:52 pm
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euqcaj
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Hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

I have been huring considerably today, the pain is prevalent. I'm wondering if it is the lack of sleep I had last night,..or,..emotional. I've been reading in the codependent book. It's raising alot of questions within myself. I realize I've been coping all my life. I think that's a huge discovery. Now what do I do with it? I'll keep reading.

I look forward to reading all your posts.

Nighty night.
Jacque 🙂

August 26, 2007
12:38 am
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mamacinnamon
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HI euqcaj:

Yes, I would be glad to discuss the book w/ you. We did a book study on this book just a couple months ago. I started leading but soon discovered I could not. Not w/ rehab, etc. so MJ took over for me. She did a great job. If you'd like I could jump up to libs and reopen the study if you'd like to see where we all went w/ the chapters. Also, I think just discussing it is great. Others can jump in as they want. Most I think have read the book and can give you insight.

Hope your weekend goes well. Read.

🙂

August 26, 2007
1:39 am
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Tumbleweed8
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MamaC, I didn't want to interrupt on here, but I know I would appreciate seeing the thread on Libs again. I started to read on there before, but didn't keep up the reading in my book here so never commented on there. Now, I'm commenting some on my thread about Codependent No More and I'm finding it helpful to get back to reading again. So, if you wouldn't mind to bring it up again, maybe we could continue the discussion on there. What do you think? Ty. Love, TW

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