Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Rope Ends Here ------>X
May 29, 2001
3:37 pm
Avatar
distracted
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hiya damaged -

how are you doing? I know how hard it is not to drink - I go through stages where I struggle with that myself. My therapist says that will get better as I work through all this stuff. She keeps pushing me to work the steps as well. I haven't yet - but I think it really does help a lot of people. If you already have a sponsor and are going to meetings, why don't you give it a shot? The steps I mean... I think what keeps me from drinking is just the length of time I have - I always felt like I screwed everything up, and this is the one good thing that I've been able to do. That time period gets longer each day - so it gets harder and harder to even comprehend breaking that and having to start over. Just try to take it one day at a time - I found myself getting quite protective of those days after I had a week or so strung together. I think, had I started the steps then, it would have been easier.

As for the cutting, I don't know a whole lot about it - I think it's different for each person. I have tried to understand why my partner does it - but that isn't necessarily why you do it... I guess if I could get one thing across to my partner it would be to let her little girl know how wonderful she is, that I love her very much - and that she deserves nothing but good things. I asked my partner what she needs..what would help her to stay out of that mindset that leads to cutting...she said she needs to know that someone cares about her. That she's not alone. So, I don't know that it will help you damaged, but you aren't alone - any time you need to talk I'll listen, start a new thread if you like - where you can go and vent and talk and ramble (no matter how silly it sounds - hell look at some of the stuff I've posted!). I'll talk with you - though it may not always make sense! I care about you too - and I hate to see you in so much pain. I know it's hard to do - but try to love your inner child - doesn't sound like she got much love before - maybe you can start giving it to her now? My dog (who isn't scared of anything if you were to ask her...) will run to me and stay close when she gets scared. That is a very nice feeling - that someone (yes a dog is someone! =o) thinks I'm strong enough to protect her when things get scary. I've done something to show her that I've got her back so to speak - and that I can make things better or at least keep them from getting worse. I would like to think that we (you and me) can one day be able to do the same for our inner child(ren) - protect them and make sure they know that we are on their side - no matter what.

oh i'm rambling again - sorry
take care of yourself damaged
(you know - with all the changes you are trying to make, maybe you could call yourself "refurbished" instead of damaged! =o) and just for the record, I don't see you as damaged...)
better watch out - I'll start a whole new thread trying to come up with a better name for you!
hang in there

distracted

distracted

May 31, 2001
10:05 am
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

distracted

You know you sound like a really neat person. I have been thinking a lot about all that you have said to me and to Mal. Your name comes up alot in conversation with Sharon and myself. I might think about a new name that might be cool.
I can relate to what you said about protecting your days of sobriety. I had a user dream the other night that I was going to drink this beer and I said to myself I can't drink this beer because then I won't get my chip. My days of sobriety mean the world to me! I know if I drink again something or someone in me is going to be f#[email protected] pissed off and some [email protected] is going to get broken. It might be my life that's what scares the [email protected] out of me. That also helps me to chalk up the days. I know it is one day at a time because it could happen at anytime. Hell sometimes it might be just a min at a time. But for today I choose to be sober and work on loving myself. Thanks to you distracted (maybe you could use another user name too like instrumental. Thanks for the ear!

June 3, 2001
1:22 am
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mal&Distracted

Are you guys out there? How's everyone doing? Hanging in their on this end of things. I am so pissed off with my self-I have a new big ass cut and it was a accident. I think my partner belives me. Hell I wasn't in the right frame of mind for this to happen to me. I think it's going to scar, hell I guess I needed this to happen to me for some reason but I don't know what it is yet. Hope to hear from you all.

June 3, 2001
1:49 am
Avatar
malaikau
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi!

Yes, I'm here. It's just been a hectic week at work and I haven't had the time or energy to sit down and do some decent posting here. I want to wait until I'm in the right frame of mind and feeling energetic before I offer anyone feedback.

I have been making the time to come in here and see who's around, and I'm paying attention to what's being said. I'm really enjoying feeling the support being offered here. I hope it continues.

Your friend,

Mal

June 3, 2001
4:59 pm
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Mal

You know I think that's what my family's problem as been with me. They have never been in the right frame of mind to deal with my life style or any of my problems. Oh well now I am old enough not to need anything from them and just deal with on my own.

June 4, 2001
12:09 am
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know I was thinking the other day and I guess the reason I put my cuts were everyone and their dog could see them. Is becauses I am so damm tired of hiding me! who I am!! what I feel!! You know I have had so much damm practice at hiding [email protected] I don't even know how I feel or know who I am sometimes, much of the time. But I do know I have some scares from hell and I can't hide them for ever. It,s 90 degree weather here and I am still wearing a long sleeve shirt most of the time because I don't know what I am going to tell people yet. So I guess I am still hiding. Hell I don't know. Guess I just need to vent!

June 5, 2001
11:43 pm
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Shawshankank Redemption
"get busy living or get busy dieing"

June 6, 2001
2:51 pm
Avatar
distracted
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi damaged

sorry for the delay in posting - things have just been kinda crazy. Sounds like you have had a rough week. How are things going? Haven't heard from Sharon for a while - hope she is doing well too. I'm sorry about the cuts. I feel like, from watching my partner, that the real pain and the real heaviness always comes after. My partner and I are still trying to figure out how to handle the questions about the scars. Well, she is trying to figure out what is right for her - I'm just trying to listen and help where I can. She is very concerned with what people would think about her if they knew that she cut herself. We've tried to come up with different things for her to do instead of cutting - is there anything that works for you? I know that's a hard thing to do though - to switch ways of expressing or dealing with things. Does talking here help? Did you decide whether or not you were going to start working the steps?

I guess I don't have a whole lot to say right now - just wanted to see how you are doing.

Hi Mal - hope your week is getting better and things are going well.

distracted

June 8, 2001
9:06 pm
Avatar
malaikau
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Distracted,

I saw your post regarding the flashbacks and wanted to respond, but not where everyone else would read about it. I would like to offer you my e-mail address. It's [email protected]. If you are able to write about some of the feelings you have during a flashback, I would encourage you to do so. Not allowing yourself to "experience" your flashbacks fully is like an ostrich with it's head in the sand, unaware of the fact that a leopard is about to bite it in the ass! Also, from my perspective, this reveals a little bit of the reasoning behind why your inner child is so fearful and mistrusting. She is waiting for the adult in you to take charge of this situation so she won't have to continue reliving all the pain and trauma!

When you are able to allow yourself to be in a flashback, fully experience it, and then talk about it, then it will begin to lose it's power and intensity. I know this is a terribly frightening thing to consider doing, but it is a necessity. I find it interesting that after 2 years you are unable to trust your therapist enough to work through this part of your process. And as I read the posts from Damaged, it continues to amaze me how much the two of you have in common!

I hope you will come to a place where you will feel comfortable talking to someone about what's going on with you regarding the flashbacks. I promise it will help you!

Your friend,

Mal

June 8, 2001
9:17 pm
Avatar
malaikau
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Damaged,

I know I haven't been around much lately, and I apologize if it made you feel like I didn't care. I also hope you read the post I made to Distracted. You are also free to e-mail me about issues if you feel the need to do so. I am happy to help you in any way I can.

I pay close attention to your posts. Even the ones you write that are not in this thread. I can sense so much intense pain in you writings, and so much anger. Actually in a lot of ways I get the feeling that you almost expect to be rejected and hurt in every interaction you have with another human being! I wonder who it was that taught you this was the case. . . Did you have painful and/or distant relationships with your mother and father? Sometimes your writings seem so full of bad expectations that it's almost as if you are trying to reject others before you can be rejected--do you think this might be true?

I feel badly to learn that you have a therapist that you feel you cannot confide in. Without trust, it will be very difficult for you to benefit from your sessions! Is the therapist doing something to make it difficult for you to feel that you are safe talking with her? Is there something else going on?

I am a strong advocate for face-to-face therapy. I think it's the most effective counseling relationship to have. But if you are not comfortable sharing with her, and you feel that you can share with me, then by all means, I am here for you as much as I can be in this unusual arena of posts!

Your friend,

Mal

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110924
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38537
Posts: 714209
Newest Members:
delight1080, laticia1, Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer