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March 11, 2009
12:01 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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I need to gain some insight on a very special friend of mine. She was my ballroom dance partner and I care for her very much. Over the past 1 1/2 she had gotten together and broken up with a very manipulative man. This man has in the past text messaged her 70 times a day. Although he has never physcially abused her he has verbally degradated her. She has a 7 year old son. She has gone to a counselor and the man went but denied that there was any problem, and was doing the counseling just for her. He has gone to anger management counseling, but I do not know the details. Last year she got together and broke up at least 4 times. She is currently back with him.
When she was 5 she was raped, and because he family owned a all night donut shop she in essence was the father and mother for her brother and sister.
She admits that she has always had a "3-Foot Zone, and I was the only man that she has ever danced in what is called closed dance position. However, I feel that the "3 Foot Zone is really physical.
Sorry for the long discertation, but my question is trying to understand why people who have had such a troubled past are drawn to people who "hurt" them over and over again. P.S. She did a background check and found out that he was a bigamist and still went back with him.
Realistically, I am out of the picture regarding trying to recharge our relationship, but I do want to get her help and understand this situation. She is a fine lady and deserves only the best. Your help and letting me understand this situation would be appreciated.

March 11, 2009
12:55 pm
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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your a good friend to want to help her...you can guide her and tell her what you told us, but ultimately it is up to HER to want to change, want to pick healthy parnters, etc...it comes from within.

She had a lot of abuse in her life, so that is what she is maybe used to and may want to change the person she is with, fix them, and finally figure out she can't and try even harder.

Its sad, but sometimes the codep person has to learn the hard way.

Maybe give her some books on coda to read, be there for a friend as you are...and hopefully she will take the rights steps on getting healthier.

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