Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
RobynB Your a scholar and gentle soul
April 20, 2009
10:08 pm
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for your comment to me. Whenever I start to wonder if there is any sign of intelligent life you come along and I say there is!

April 21, 2009
9:05 am
Avatar
RobynB
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Why thank you! That was just what I needed this morning after the neighbor's dog kept me up barking from one until three in the morning last night. I wasn't such a gentle soul then, I can tell you that!

April 21, 2009
11:30 am
Avatar
Zebra
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

RobynB,

Hi. I have been feeling extremly lost and loney as of late. I am not sure why and I think this is all part of my recovery from my divorce and abuse from him. I am wondering if this is going to go away ever. I feel so tired in my head.

When I get this way I struggle with my own addiction. What to do?

Love, Z

April 21, 2009
2:12 pm
Avatar
RobynB
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I’m sorry to hear you are in a downward turn right now. It seems as though acceptance of any life-changing event goes through cycles of depression, self-doubt, and discomfort before swinging back into acceptance, hope, and happiness. Just remember that it will come back around. But what can you do in the meantime?

First of all, I’d recommend the following book (or, as I acquired it, as a “book on tape”) which is ironically called “In the Meantime,” by Iyanla Vanzant. Honestly, I’d recommend the book on tape because the narrator has such a wonderful, soothing quality, you will feel as though you are listening to an old friend. I ended up burning the CD onto my Ipod and have listened to it several times over the last few years. It helps to make sense of “the bigger picture” – the idea that your last relationship is just building you up for a better relationship in the future. It will require some cleaning out of old emotions though, but I think you will find it thoroughly enjoyable.

Secondly, I would find something to do to keep busy. I don’t care if it is tap dancing, kick boxing, walking, driving, working at a greenhouse, coloring (yes, like with crayons), but find SOMETHING new. Join a dancing group, an exercise group, a writers group, a FUN group. It should be something enjoyable that doesn’t focus on “your issues” too much; there are plenty of support groups for that, but sometimes you need something that isn’t emotionally draining, something that is fun in and of itself. Sometimes focusing too much on “what is wrong with you/me/us/whoever” creates a pattern of over thinking because you are focusing on all the things that could be wrong with you, instead of the things that are right with you. You were put on this Earth to enjoy yourself and if you sit around bemoaning “wasted time” you are just staying in a crisis induced state… and furthermore, you are still allowing the memory of that abusive person to overwhelm the new and exciting life you should be jumping into (or at least wading into the shallow end). Regardless, stop worrying about drowning again and get back in the darn pool!!! (That’s not a bad idea – swimming or kayaking is great stress relief!)

Honey, he’s gone and so is the abuse. Sometimes I say that to myself out loud when I realize I am being untrue to myself or I get my “victimized” feelings coming back. Sometimes the best relief was realizing that it was okay to have those feelings, and then use my inner voice to shut them off, and move on. It was realizing that I was the one with that power of me, and that I am a smart, funny, sassy person who can handle herself. The other thing is, instead of saying to myself “how could I be such a failure, how could I allow myself to be used, blah blah blah,” I instead say “I like helping and connecting with people and it was unfortunate this situation did not end the way I wish it could have. There are other situations in my life in which I can more apply myself for more healthy results.” I know it’s hard for a co-dependent, but realizing your own value and becoming a little bit selfish is a good thing.

I hope this helps Z, and I appreciate you valuing my opinion. You have an honest nature and are easy to relate to and I hope you continue to emphasize your strengths and stop giving those destructive urges attention.

Hugs!

April 21, 2009
2:48 pm
Avatar
Zebra
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you so much RobynB. It has helped me already and I will get the book on tape you suggested.

Yes I have found that I need to concentrate on what I do good and how good I am and not being a vicitm any longer.

Hugs to you, Z

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111020
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38570
Posts: 714311
Newest Members:
cosmo789, bravelassie, Chloe12, future life, austinjacob, Hadity1
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information