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Rising - Are you here i need to talk to you
July 30, 2007
9:27 am
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robbie2007
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July 30, 2007
10:11 am
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risingfromtheashes
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hi, I am here...busy day this morning.

what's up?

July 30, 2007
10:12 am
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robbie2007
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oh well, i had to make the decision on my own...was hoping for your advice but....

you know how i always get left out of things? well, when i asked my mother about going to the beach, i told her how i have no one to take a vacation with or go do little things with.

well, i called her this morning to ask her something about our beach plans, and she invited me to go to an amusement park with them tonight (my parents, sister, nephew, broinlaw).

it was actually a hard decision. while i want to go, i dont because they are going at night 5-9. i will be exhausted the next day. i'm probably too fat to go on most of the rides.

afraid to ask my bro if i can leave early.

afraid to say yes knowing how tired i will be tomorrow.

afraid to say no in fear i wont get asked again.

i told her i would think about it, but my father just arrived and asked me - and i said yes. then i asked my brother if i could leave at 3 and he almost gave me an attitude until my father said to him i was invited to go to the park. so he said yes.

so, it looks like im going.

July 30, 2007
10:14 am
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robbie2007
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not sure if i made the right decision, but i wanted to be included more so heres my chance.

July 30, 2007
10:42 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

girl, I am so freaking proud of you.

I was going to say the same - go!

If anything, it's time with your family - so what if you can't go on the rides?

And since it was a family thing, I was going to say your bro should have no issue.

You can still play some arcade games with the kids - skeeball is fun...you can ride the ferris wheel or merry go around with the kids....kids are a good excuse to act goofy and do silly things.

And don't think you are too big for rides...at 230 lbs, I still went on rides....so deal with it on a case by case basis....many rides have large seats for many people at a time, so you don't have to worry it's like an airplane seat where you have limited space...I think roller coasters are the only ones where size may be an issue....but beyond that, most will fit, even heavier people.

ENJOY!!!!

I wanted to hit the amusement park but got pregnant and can't ride anything...so it sucks...next year we'll go, but with baby in tow, not sure what I'll ride...maybe get a sitter for that day or invite gramma to push baby around?

Anyway, enjoy the family time.

July 30, 2007
11:38 am
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robbie2007
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thanks rising (((hugs)))

i'm actually getting excited now. just hope it doesnt rain!

July 30, 2007
11:41 am
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risingfromtheashes
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stay positive! and have fun!

and hey, if it rains - look at it this way - you can't control it...BUT...know you took a step outside your comfort zone - stopped making excuses and just decided to have fun...and that next time they ask, you won't have to think twice!

you really are doing sooo good...I see you blossoming before my eyes....it's kind of nice to see...and encouraging to me...if you can make this progress, I can make progress myself.

July 31, 2007
8:42 am
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robbie2007
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I had a blast! and im not too tired today. and i fit on every ride i wanted to go on. it was so much fun. im glad i went. took lots of pictures and some videos.

July 31, 2007
8:44 am
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risingfromtheashes
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you have me grinning from ear to ear...I can hear your joy in your post loud and clear....it's giving me chill bumps.

I am THRILLED you had a good time - and hope this encourages you to participate more with the family.

way to go!!!

July 31, 2007
8:47 am
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robbie2007
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:))) big smile (((:

July 31, 2007
9:03 am
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robbie2007
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rising , thank you for being happy for me. its good to be able to share my joy with someone.

July 31, 2007
9:08 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I envy you at this moment....my family is all FAR away - including my daughter....and they ahve been going to sea world, cypress gardens, silver springs, etc....and even when she gets home, I can't even go anywhere like this because of the pregnancy. I was really hoping to get to a water park and amusement park this summer with her...and go hiking and camping...but my "condition" won't allow me...it's a small price to pay to have a baby...but I still wish I could have done this stuff.

I am glad you enjoyed it...I am glad you are sharing your joy with me.

July 31, 2007
9:59 am
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robbie2007
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i'm sorry you cant do those things at this time. but before you know it, you and your b.f. and kids will be going together. something to look forward to.

July 31, 2007
11:05 am
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risingfromtheashes
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before I know it, daughter will be in college...sniff snif...they grow up so fast!

but yes, before I know it, I will be able to do things with the family again.

I am kind of sad tho. I moved to this wonderful area....it's great.

BUT

where I used to live, was local to alot of really neat places - new york city, the ocean, museums, amusement parks and more.

we are so remote here, that I can't see us having the same lifestyle that I had with my daughter....my daughter is well traveled...she has had alot of cool experiences for a kid her age.

I CHOSE this for me now...and I think it will be different and very satisfying...but I will still miss my old lifestyle.

I know that it's up to me to make the best of it and find NEW things, different things to interest me and do with this child.

I just miss the stuff I am used to.

I just have to find substitutes and try new things.

August 2, 2007
9:39 am
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robbie2007
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hi rising - howre you today?

August 3, 2007
9:19 am
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risingfromtheashes
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robbie -

has been a hellish two days at work...thanking god it's almost over this week.

I am ok...some issues going on at home...trying to stay calm and not get worked up...isn't stuff with me....just with my BF...and trying not to "fix it" and control my "control" issues...it's his problem and I am trying to stay out of it.

how are you?

August 3, 2007
9:19 am
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risingfromtheashes
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did you get to go with your rehersal friend yet?

how is your eating and cleaning things going?

what are your plans for the weekend?

August 3, 2007
9:50 am
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robbie2007
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i was getting worried about you.

i am doing well.

I never got together with my friend. that day, just happened to be the most beautiful day and i just couldnt see driving, go in a building, play for an hour or so, drive home and have half the day wasted. but, i will ask her again in the fall.

I am doing well with my diet. 27 days and counting before my next appointment.

I have learned to like fat-free cheese and runny sugar free syrup. ok, tolerate it. lol

I'm getting better at writing things down. I'm getting better at eating breakfast. I've been keeping up with my exercise fairly well. ive lost about 5 1/2 - 6 lbs. my goal is 7-10 by my appointment.

My cleaning is going well too. I have joined Flylady.net and feel encouraged every day to do a little something.

As suggested, i started with shining my sink and have kept it up every day. it is so nice to wake up to a clean sink, clean counters, and no dishes.

this has helped me to prepare my foods for the day. i have even started going to bed a tiny bit earlier so that i can get up earlier to eat breakfast and prepare my lunch.

ive been spending more time with my family too.

the lawsuit with the businesses is almost over. it looks like i will have a slight job change. my brother asked me if i would be willing to take some bookkeeping classes. it looks like i will be moving to the building across the street where the other business is. i will get a real office and will be around other people. dont know if i will be able to get online. i hope so. it will probably be another 3 or so months.

i will be taking clarinet lessons in the fall. i havent had lessons for a while and i desire to further my skills.

thats it for me....

my ears are open if you wanna talk ....

love, robbie

August 3, 2007
9:59 am
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risingfromtheashes
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holy cow batman!!!!!!!!

that is HUGE progress.

you are like a butterfly that has broken free of it's cocoon!

I keep talking about all the things I would LIKE to do to improve my life - but keep procrastinating.

What do you think spurred you to make such big changes all of a sudden?

I really need to get off my butt.

I keep thinking about changes, but don't do them. I am going to have to dig down deep and figure it out - and do something about it - BEFORE the baby gets here.

I am proud of you - seems like only yesterday you were wondering HOW to do the things you longed to do - and yet, here you are - short time later - DOING IT!

Way to go!!!!

Has dad noticed the changes in your eating and weight? Do you feel any better about things with the family?

August 3, 2007
3:45 pm
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robbie2007
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rising, im so sorry i didnt get back to you. i ran out of work, went to the bank and when i got back my brother said i could take most of the day off (to come back at 330). im sorry and i will reply on monday.

and btw - YOU are a big part in helping me to keep moving forward.

thank you!

August 6, 2007
9:05 am
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robbie2007
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rising - i'm sorry i wasnt able to pop back online before i left on friday. i felt bad all weekend.

my brother has the day off, and my "assignment" is to read an accounting book ....so, inbetween, i will pull up your other thread and see whats up.

or you can post to me here - i'm really here today. all day.

and ...i had some time to really put thought into your question and i will be answering that too (as soon as my father leaves 🙂

August 6, 2007
9:16 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I have to run out to a job site...I'll be back later.

tell me about your weekend?

August 6, 2007
10:12 am
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robbie2007
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well, yesterday was kind of a waste. its seems like i am finally being included in some things with my family, which im thrilled about, but yesterday, i made the wrong decision.

i woke up to an absolutely gorgeous day. warm, sunny, and NOT humid (finally). i had planned to relax and read, and do some light housework.

but before my day got started, my mother called and invited me to go somewhere with them, my sister and my nephew. i remembered how i wasnt sure i wanted to go to the park last week, and ended up having so much fun. so, i decided to go. big mistake.

ok, i wont say BIG mistake, but it just wasnt for me. (live and learn i guess). It was 530ish by the time i got home. i felt like my whole beutiful, peaceful day had been wasted. i ended up crying over the stupidest things. i couldnt settle myself down to sleep. and woke up sleepy and a bit sick this morning.

i hate wasted days. oh well. thats life, and certainly no biggie in the scheme of things.

Saturday was a good day because i felt productive. i did more cleaning - sinks, toilets, garbage, vacuuming. and went to the track and walked some. went to my patrents to use the pool. i even got on my treadmill for the first time in eons and my reward was a fireworks show. somewhere across the way there was a fireworks show and i had the perfect view from the treadmill. lol

i couldnt settle at night to sleep so i stayed up and read - which i enjoy very much. and since i had worked so hard on saturday, i had planned to have a nice relaxing day on sunday - which as you know didnt work out.

all in all, it was a pretty good weekend.

how about you? what was your weekend like? i was thinking about you and felt bad that i wasnt able to "hear" you as i had said i would on friday.

August 6, 2007
10:35 am
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robbie2007
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i just got caught up with your other thread. what i can relate to, is the fear in losing my mother.

i remember who she was before years and years of abuse made her who she is today (my fathers clone). my sweet and funny, silly and playful mom. she is a breast cancer survivor - i think i would go nuts if my mom wasnt in my life.

i wish i knew what to say to be more supportive and encouraging. you are always there for me, and i am at a loss for words to give back to you. i do care and hope this will be a better this week for you.

August 6, 2007
10:39 am
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risingfromtheashes
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robbie -

I think sunday was a live and learn day, as you pointed out.

you were torn - more time with family, which has been a goal lately, or time to relax.

you couldn't have known it would be a waste when you agreed to go - only that you had other ideas of what to do with your day.

My thought is - if you hadn't gone, you would have second guessed yourself or kicked yourself for saying no....so probably not a win win situation.

You did the best - next time you feel like relaxing - do it.

As far as my mom situation - yeah, it's scary...I could live without my dad....but my mom...she is my guiding light...I really don't know what I would be without her.

Just knowing you care is enough - even if you don't have the right words...I know you care - that means alot...thank you.

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