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Resurrecting old "New - No Contact" thread or starting a new one?
September 26, 2008
11:25 am
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DorisDay
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ignore it.

IGNORE THE EMAIL.

I tossed the birthday card my cheating ex sent me 2 weeks after out split. I never contacted him again...11 months and going strong.

Delete the email...and laugh. He is the loser, not you!

September 26, 2008
11:26 am
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CrazyPink
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Happy Birthday NEWME!

September 26, 2008
11:37 am
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PreciousG
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((((Newme))))

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! What a wonderful way to celebrate you! Awesome self-care my friend! You rock!

You have come along way it such a short time. Your insight is incredible. I totally agree about not being ready nor having the tools for self-care nor self-love. Most of us weren't ready and being ready is what is all about. I just encourage you to take things slow and one day at time and do not get ahead of yourself.

I so enjoy your posts for the wonderful insight you share and the courage and determination you exhibit in healing yourself. You are inspiration!

Hug Yourself!!!

Precious

September 26, 2008
11:49 am
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PreciousG
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Newme,

I am so sorry that you are having such a diffficult time. ((((Newme))) Just take a deep breath and let it slowly.

Please ignore that e-mail. He is just toying with you. He doesn't know how to handle the rejection and is looking for a fix. The e-mail is self-serving trust me. I mean he is in another relationship and living with her why on earth would he send you an e-mail wishing you a Happy Birthday?

I love the way you put it about the crumbs but wanting the full course meal. Your are soooooo right he is not emotionally wealthy enough for you. I just love this. The analogy is just simple comon sense if you ask me. AWESOME!!!!

Hang in there. You will get through this. Well, in reality, you already are. 🙂

Precious

September 26, 2008
2:53 pm
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newme66
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He did send more. That he will always love me and he's trying to get over us, but can't.

I do feel badly for him, but I have to remember I have heard this all before. He needs time to think about what he wants. I need time to get better and not get involved in unhealthy relationships. I am still having a good day. I have talked my self out of feeling bad. It's not all my fault and I feel the same way he does. But I have to feel the feelings and let them take thier course. And so does he. Time will and does heal!

I am going home early from work to clean my room. It's a disaster and it will keep me busy!

Thanks everyone for your support.

September 27, 2008
8:44 am
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newme66
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Well, I had a relapse yesterday. I did end up responding to his emails. I also took a call from him. He said he was having a very hard time through this and I explained that in time it will get better. I also apolgized for all my anger toward him and told him I could not watch him kill himself with drugs. I also told him that this is what needs to be done. We have tried everything and nothing has worked. I am working on me, and I can't focus on what he's doing.

I meant every word. I don't care if he's seeing someone. I don't care if he's doing drugs (which he admitted he is still active). He said that he hope I have a nice birthday and I said I am having a nice birthday. I did a little bit of crying for my loss of him. I have learned so much in this break up. I can let go. I will not chase something that is not there. He's an illusion. I do miss him, and I do obsese about us. It's wierd because when I think of him, I don't see his face?????

I fell asleep last night with out tossing and turning or thinking about what he's doing. I know I am doing the right thing and what he does with his life I have no control over. I tried so hard to control HIS drug addiction, what a waste of energy.

When I woke this morning I did my prayer (I am religous, but not practicing, but praying and really meaning what my NEEDS are helps) I do not want to obsese or go back to him. I want my life. I have no idea what it is that I can do for fun, I never had fun! I need to figure out what I can do to entertain myself. I have made a commitment not to date until my therapist gives me the go ahead.

I do not recommend having contact, it is a set back. I have no idea what he has up his sleeve, but I know what I really NEED and WANT for me. I want life, with out drama and chaos. I am on my way. I am re-reading codependent no more and it's making more sense. I am going to alanon tonight so I can stay focused on me.

I was not going to post that I had contact, but I would be lying to myself and I want others to know it's not healthy to communicate with those that hurt us. I did feel bad for him, then I remembered this was his choice! I have choices today and I will choose to be by myself and find things that make me happy.

September 30, 2008
10:54 pm
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lostagain27
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Newme how is it going hun? Are you doing better with the no contact???

everyone how is it going.

I think i am going on 40 days not sure. it will be broken soon but not by my doings.

Hugs to everyone!

October 1, 2008
9:22 am
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newme66
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I never contact him, he contacts me! I changed all my numbers, blocked him from all my emails.

He will not contact me in the immediate future, I am not sure about long term. He's with another woman "to get over me". He said in a perfect world he would be with me. Like I wanted him back. Those words did hurt but it opened my eyes. He is living his life dangerously and I want no part of it.

I cried a few times last night thinking of all the things he said and told me. He's such a liar I don't know what to believe.

What I need to believe is me and what my needs are today. I am very thankful he's not in my life. The pain I am in is mild compared to when I was with him. I am thankful for a lot today and I am focusing on the positive things I have accomplished with my life. I am not a bad person, I just made some mistakes. I am learning from them.

I am going to work and work hard on me. This is so hard and my feelings are so strong and painful sometimes that I just want to shut down and die. Like most addicts I want it yesterday and this seems to be taking forever. I am reading all the posts on this site and I see so much positive in some of the people that went through what I/you area going through. There is light at the end, we just have a lot of work to do.

I wish I could erase the pain with my x and worry about the important things in life. I am trying to stay focused on worrying about things that matter. My children, paying my bills, and possibly an new career.

I am going to a comedy show tonigh w/ three of my gf and it should be fun. I made a promise to myself to get out at least 2-3 nights a week, doing what I want!

October 1, 2008
3:58 pm
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CrazyPink
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New

I am so happy to hear you went out! Good for you, hun!

I am trying the whole, be thankful for everything. You really teach a lot through your words, my friend.

Have a good day today!

October 2, 2008
10:56 am
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lostagain27
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Sounds like you have put appropriate measures in place so that he will not contact you. My X doesn't even try and that pisses me off! But i know it's for the best!

It sounds like you are on the right path with your thinking. I am glad it is less painful for you without him there. I am sure there is no drama at all.

I know you hurt and are in a lot of pain but it will pass and you wil get to feeling better and not even care about your X anymore!

I am excited that you went out with your friends!!! I hope you had fun!!!

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