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Resurrecting old "New - No Contact" thread or starting a new one?
September 20, 2008
4:57 pm
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CrazyPink--tough day for you too, maybe tougher for you. Go and try to enjoy your nieces birthday. Maybe getting out your wanting to call him will pass.

His last words 4 days ago were not kind. This whole miserable mess just kills me.

September 20, 2008
11:04 pm
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CrazyPink
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I did have a good time at the birthday party. I ended up staying there for 2 hours talking with my sisters ex boyfriends parents. My mom and his parents are very close so they were at the party. They sat and talked with me for a good 2 hours about everything I am going through. It was nice. I was good to go. I came home to two bottles of wine on my door step. My friend and her husband dropped them off for me. I am not 21 so they bought them for me. It was out of suprise too, so nice. Then I walked in, and on tv is the football game. Well my ex is at that football game, he has season passes. I should be there with him. I too had gotten season passes but he probably gave them to someone else now. His dad was the one who bought them. I am bummed all over again.

September 21, 2008
11:45 am
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4.5 days--

September 21, 2008
4:20 pm
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5 days

September 21, 2008
4:32 pm
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CrazyPink
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good for you Sad!!! I haven't physically talked to my ex since last wednesday, but i did email him yesterday. No response.

September 21, 2008
4:48 pm
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((((Sad)))) 5 days is great. I know it may not feel that way now but that is progress.

(((Pink))))

Pink what is the longest that you have gone with NO CONTACT? I mean no e-mails, phone calls, texts, no surprise visits etc. What triggered you to send the e-mail. How did you feel after sending the e-mail?

I know how difficult this is.

September 21, 2008
4:53 pm
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PreciousG
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Ooops1 Clicked send too soon. Sorry.

I have 45 days. And it is sooo dificult for me rihgt now!!!AaacKkkkk!

((((EVERYONE))))

September 21, 2008
4:53 pm
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CrazyPink
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The longest? Well, before yesterday, uhh lol. I've gone 2 weeks before. We have broken up twice. The first time, I didn't call him for two weeks. He came up to my work with a friend, and I bumped into him while going to get my lunch. We went to a movie that night and got back together.

I had actaully been writing the email for some time now. Yesterday, I don't know, I just felt compelled to send it. I think it was a mistake now though. I felt good after, but now I'm not so sure with no response. I was, deep down, hoping for some kind of feed back.

September 21, 2008
5:01 pm
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PreciousG
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I know what you mean. I think this some progress to be honest wth cuz you are thinking abut your actions after you have acted. Eventually will have the thoughts before you act and that's when you will know you are headed in the right directions. Always have to ask yourself what am hoping to get out of this is, is this realistic, and how will I feel after, especially if I get no response.

I think about it no repsonse to an e-mail is just as powerful a rejection as a verbal do not call me. They sting just the same either way. ya know?

(((((pink))))

precious

September 21, 2008
5:13 pm
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CrazyPink
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I know. It sucks. Cause I really put my all into this email. Like I pointed out my faults, his faults and how we can fix things.

I didn't freaking cheat on him, I didn't lie (even though he feels that I did), I wasn't abusive (I was emotionally at first, in a joking way but we talked about it and he told me it hurt him so I stopped and said sorry), I was a good girlfriend...his reasons for breaking up are not legit!

September 21, 2008
5:24 pm
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PreciousG
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Pink are rihg tthe reason that he gave for breaking up with your are n ot sound or legit.

I just have to say to you though that constantly pointing out your faults to him and his faults to him will not change anything. People do not like to hear about their faults or yours for that matter. People just want action that proves that you are changing. I am not saying that you need to change for him nor should you have to. The person that you change for is you and if he is lucky to be around to reap the benifits and you decide that you want to be with him then great. But you have been talking to him about this repeatedly. How has that been working for you.

However, before you say that you can work on this together and help one another, he clearly does not want to do that. Moreover, you need to work alone because you need and deserve the opportunity to discover your own truth and who you really are independent of him and his thoughts.

I am rooting for you Pink.

Precious

September 21, 2008
5:35 pm
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CrazyPink
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I know. It hasnt worked for me, so why did I sent that email. I wish I could go delete it. But he already read it. Today is his school day so he has read it.

I am working on me now. I have decided to cut down on work. It stresses me out. I don't like the people here. It's not the job, I likethe job, but its the people here I can't stand. Well, one person, and she sits next to me. So I've cut down on work. I've also decided to cut down on school. I take 16 credit hours every semester, this round, I am cutting down. It's just all too much. But thats all a start, right, to work on me.

September 21, 2008
5:42 pm
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PreciousG
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It is a good start and sounds like good self-care.

September 21, 2008
5:43 pm
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CrazyPink
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I miss him so much and I don't know why. I mean there were so many LEGIT reasons to break up with him, but I NEVER did. He ment to much and I thought we could work it out.

September 21, 2008
6:08 pm
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lostagain27
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(((Pink)))

I know how you feel hun. YOu think about yourself and think I was a great girlfriend and he was the one with issues so i should have left him but why didn't I? Sometimes we may never know but just learn from it and move on. He had red flags. In all of your posts i can pick them out.

I think it's great you haven't called him but you did send an email and he hasn't responded. Next time you will now that it will hurt b/c he didn't and he doesn't care aparently. So learn from this and move on hun. I know you miss him. We all miss our jerks for some strange reason! We just have to remind ourselves of why we shouldn't!!!

(((Sad))) awesome on the 5 days I am proud of you!!!

(((Newmee))) I hope your count continues to go up! You are right you don't need to beat yourself up about it you made the best decision you could have possibly made for yourself!

(((Precious))) Wahoo! 45 days is awesome. you kick ass! I know it is hard. I think we both seek some kind of comfort that we think is familar when in reality it's not comfort it hurts us in the end!

30 days for me!!!

(((To everyone)))

KEEP STRONG LADIES WE CAN MAKE IT

September 21, 2008
8:25 pm
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((((Lost)))

You are awesome girl! I was going to say the same thing. We all
miss our jerks for some strange reason. HAHAHA! But like I always ask myself-is it him I miss or the thought of him that I miss? To be honest right now I am having a really hard time answering that question.

This is so frustrating! UGH!!!!

(((ALL OF US)))))

Precious

September 21, 2008
8:35 pm
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PreciousG
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(((Newme))))

I just want to say that yo ushould keep counting from 29 days. Unless I miss read your post of course. You have been doing all the right things. You had to contact him so he could pick up his belongings. You had on last good bye call. I really wouldn't count those things because in the picture those were acts of self-care in my book. You have been some really tough soul searching and doind what yo have to move on. I think that is wonderful.

Moreover, when it brass tacks are really down all that matters is how we feel anyway not the number of times that we have had contact or not. It how we feel and how we address those feelings that really count.

I am thinking of and know that you are going to make a empression on the big world! Hug yourself!

Precious

September 22, 2008
10:25 am
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Precious, I think your right about the count! I needed to get his stuff out of my house! I felt great the day I did it and since then (Thursday) I have beat myself up. I am feeling better today. I balled my eyes out last night and knew what I was feeling BETRAYL! He abandoned me the entire relationship and the only time he was nice was when I ended it.

This time he's not chasing me and promising to change. This hurts! BUT I KNOW IT'S FOR THE BEST. I have never had time to heal because I had contact with him and I did not feel the pain. I was in pain while with him, but not as much as without him. I know I will get through this and be a better woman for it. I don't want to feel abandoned or betrayed again! I go to therapy today and I am searching for group therapy. I am planning on going to AlAnon. I would NEVER call him. He has no idea I am even hurting. I threw him out and he thinks that I have no feelings. I prefer to keep it that way and regain my self esteem. If he does try to contact me I will ignore him. He's just not worth it and I remember how much I despised him when we lived together. I am hurt about the new woman, but I will get over it and feel the feelings.

I am glad (not now) that I will be able to look at myself sometime soon and really like what I see. I became very abusive toward him because of all the resentments. Now I don't have to be an abuser, it's not a nice way to live. With that said I have 37 DAYS!!!!!

Hugs to EVERYONE (((()))))

September 22, 2008
3:46 pm
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6 long days

September 22, 2008
3:56 pm
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PreciousG
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Hang in there sad. You are doing great.
🙂

September 22, 2008
4:01 pm
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PreciousG
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Chasing and jealousy do not = love, ever. Chasing and jealousy = control, always.

I like your attitude and approach to your healing. I think it is very insightful and shows patients and selfcare.

I am rooting for you. Hug yourself!

Precious

September 22, 2008
7:36 pm
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lostagain27
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WTG sad!!! I am proud of you!!!

and to everyone else who is keeping up the no contact!

September 22, 2008
8:58 pm
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Newme-

I just read through all of your posts.

Hun, hang in there. I don't have any great advice like everyone else, but I am here if you need to vent anymore.

That goes for all of you! Lost I'm here hun

September 22, 2008
10:35 pm
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Precious you are right on. He wanted to control me and make sure I did not find someone to stroke me! I never did I was too paralyzed. He never knew how I felt. I shut down so he thought it was easy for me and I did not care! I did care, I just did not want him to see me as a weak person. In reality, he did see me as a weak person, I kept taking him back after all the lies so many, many times.

Pink, I have been thinking about you all day. I have read all your posts. Although I can't tell you what to do. I would like to make a suggestion. I am a 42 year old woman who started her relationships like yours! Take the gift that is here for you, and soak up all the self love you can get.

I wish I had the knowledge at your age! You are a very, very smart young woman and I love the fact that you are reaching out at such a young age. It appears from your posts the last two relationships were not healthy. Your most current x, is playing the game. He may seem at some points to "really care" but from my experience he's looking to see what HIS other options are. When he can't find what he's looking for he's going to come back to you, then play the "we need time apart game" for as long as you take it or he finds someone else. Or you find someone else, and get into another not so good feeling relationship.

Take this opportunity NOW while you are young, and don't have children. It breaks my heart that I am 42 years old and I have never been happy. I thought I was, but I look back now and all my relationships were nothing but games! The back and forth, the lying to myself, the dreadful days and nights of crying. Take it, it's yours and you my dear deserve it.

I know how hard it is, I was 20 and had a boyfriend similar to your x. However, I was not as patient as you! I would NOT stand for a man rejecting me. I begged and pleaded, he took me back, but it got worse and worse. Then I moved into another relationship, different man same story.

Now I am a divorcee with two children going through a break up with a man I thought loved me. How could anyone love me, I don't love myself. I am working on it. Boy is it hard after 42 years living like this.

I seen my therapist today and I was honest and said I was a bit upset he was not calling, aplogizing, promising to change and wanting us to work things out. That he found somone else. My Therapist response was "so your upset that your x is not calling you and begging to give your more pain"? I never looked at it that way. That's the only reason they want us back is to inflict more pain and see us crawl to them for any little crumb and most times there's not even a crumb it's nothing. Then we are left with our emotions and they move one to someone with more to suck from.

I had a pretty decent day today. I am doing my best at staying positive. It's hard but I am more aware and catching myself. I don't want to be a human shell, no more!

I wish all of us self love and peace. We really deserve it! Love to you all and thank you!

September 22, 2008
10:58 pm
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CrazyPink
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I want to respond back to you. I will when I can find the words to.

🙂

I'm glad you had a better day today. Mine was alright, just difficult. I did however, talk to someone at work. I told her it couldn't be worst and she reminded me that yes it could be. I have a home, I have a family, I have clothes and food. Stay positive.

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