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Resurrecting old "New - No Contact" thread or starting a new one?
September 13, 2008
8:32 pm
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truthBtold
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I think that the "New - No Contact" threads of the past have been extremely helpful.

From what I understand (from search) - last post was 2-10-2008.

Was tempted to find it and bump it up - or else - start another new one.

What do you think?

Bump up the old or start anew?

September 13, 2008
9:38 pm
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PreciousG
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Either way I am in. I am haveng difficult time tonight. It has been 38 days since last contact.

Thanks, TBT.

Precious

September 13, 2008
9:46 pm
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CrazyPink
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38 days? Wow. I wish I could do that! Ugh it hasn't even been one damn day for me

September 13, 2008
10:03 pm
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PreciousG
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Pink it will happen hun! I know it is not easy. Be gentle and honest with yourself and it will happen.

((((Pink))))

Precious

September 13, 2008
10:14 pm
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Anyone that is thinking of breaking your no contact streak--whatever the circumstance--PLEASE DON'T. It will be more hurt, heartache and humiliation. I am at day 0.

September 13, 2008
10:26 pm
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I am too sad. Precious, I hope you are right. Im tired of feeling this anxiety every day. I have an appointment with my doctor doctor on thursday for medicine to help me sleep and calm my anxiety.

September 14, 2008
1:04 am
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sad about it
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CrazyPink--I know all to well the anxious feel and inability to sleep. The medication will help. Hang in there--this is a long process.

Since I posted earlier he has called my phone twice. I did not answer the first call, hence the second. How do we ever move on?

September 14, 2008
1:15 am
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CrazyPink
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May I ask what he wanted? Did you answer the second time?

I am currently taking some of my moms meds to help me sleep but I need something to calm me during the day. Hopefully my doctor can perscribe something.

September 14, 2008
2:07 am
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lostagain27
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(((Pink))) (((Precious))) (((Sad about it))) (((TbT)))

This is such a great thread tonight has not been easy on me at all. This was a lifesaver! I was thinking about really I mean really contacting my X it has been 21 days for me since the last time I spoke to my X through email. I was actually going to write him a hello email b/c i struggled today going to the first football game without it him. Some exciting things happened and I want to share them with him. Ugh is so freaking tough. But I will not do it now just by this thread.

Precious way to go on 38 days I am proud of you hun!

Pink and Sad good for you on even one day!

Sad don't answer that phone. What could he possibly want???

Pink I am sorry you are anxious I understand all to well what you are going through. I still have issues with it. I wish you luck with your doctor and much peaceful sleep girl!

To all you many many hugs for this thread!!!

September 14, 2008
2:35 am
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PreciousG
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(((Lost)))

I am so proud of you for coming here first! That is some wonder selfcare girl!

((((To All Of Us))))

It is tough. But otgether we can get through this.

Thank you Lost. Thank you TBT for starting this thread again.

Precious

September 14, 2008
11:27 pm
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mustangred
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I have a question regarding this whole no contact thing....

The guy i've been seeing isn't even my boyfriend, as in we're not seeing eachother exclusively. I do see some narcissistic tendencies in him judging from what i've read, and I pretty convinced I am codependent (absolutely positive would be more accurate). I haven't talked to him in three days, and while it's driving me nuts, it's not the end of the world. I do work with him however, so I know when I go back to work on tuesday, I'll see him, and he'll probably decide he wants to talk to me since he's going to realize i'm not sinking into a deep depression not talking to him.

My question is, as it stands right now, I will talk to him. I will likely end up spending at least one night with him this week. How do you decide that a person is in fact feeding your addiction, and make the conscious decision to eliminate them from your life?

September 15, 2008
12:31 pm
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No Contact is a form of Finally Loving Yourself (see thread below).
When we can maintain no contact we finally love ourselves more than we loved the relationship with them. I don't know if I am making any sense here but stick with me. When you can look at the phone with their number popping up or ignore an email or text you love yourself more. I have even decided to do this with the "friend" who kept calling to tell me what R was up to. I want nothing to do with anything that has to do with him. Let him move on to his next and next victim. I don't know when this change happened to me because a month or so ago I would I hate to admit talked to him or taken him back. Something snapped one day. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST then share the love with others.

Bitsy

September 15, 2008
5:03 pm
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Bumping for some of the other threads and posters going today...

Bitsy

September 15, 2008
5:10 pm
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copcontract
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How di you get to Day 1? It seems impossible for me. I have no power when it comes to her. Plus, we work in the same building, so we see each other all the time. Even when she is on vacation, she contacts me. Why? She made her choice. She decided to stay in her marriage (kids). I wish with all my heart she didn't, as I know she will never love him the way she loves/loved me.

September 16, 2008
11:08 am
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newme66
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I can attest, that breaking the no contact does hurt. I went one full month with no contact. I answered the phone yesterday. He's moving in with his new girlfreind and needs his bed!

We broke up a month ago and I am not sure if her knew her prior or met her after. I was/am very hurt that he would move in with another woman so soon. I have been crying for two days. I know I don't want him back, it just hurts. He caused me so much pain and I would end the relationship. He would cry and promise to change, I would take him back. He cheated on me several times, abused drugs, lied and god knows what else. I am pissed that he can find happiness so soon.

I am left to feel my feelings. I am working so hard on getting healthy. I am seeing a therapist, reading self-help books and not responding to his calls or emails. Except for yesterday. I am so upset with myself. I did not want to know anything about what he was doing. He had to hurt me ONE MORE TIME! I have him blocked from my email and I changed my cell phone number. I don't want the pain. I don't want him back. I just can't beleive he would do something so friggen mean to me. I don't know why I am surprised there was always other women, ALWAYS!

I have a lot of work to do and I just want the pain to stop. I can't stop glorifying his new life with his new girlfreind. How happy she must make him, how in love they must be. I am suffering, like I have been the last four years. I JUST WANT IT TO STOP!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!

September 16, 2008
11:40 am
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lostagain27
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Hi Newme66 I am sure that it hurts to hear that your X has moved in with another woman. But let her have him. Do you really think he is goign to treat her any better than he did you?
you should just be so thankful that he is out of your life and you are starting to rebuild yours.

It goes to show you what a heartless person he is for calling and asking for the bed and then letting you know about who he was goign to live with. Don't let this get you down. You are so much better off without him. I have read your posts and I know for a fact you are better off.

Didn't you get an RO against him? I would think that he wouldn't be able to call you if you did.

Hang in there.
Many hugs

Lost

September 16, 2008
12:51 pm
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PreciousG
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Newme66,

Him moving in with someone only a month after you broke-up is just a continuation of his behavior when you were together. If he is abusing drugs TRUST me he is not in real love hun he is NOT capable of REAL love hun.

Him moving in with his girlfriend has abosolutely nothing I repeat NOTHING to do with you. He is probably in survior mode and found someone who will put up with his dysfunctional behavior.

I know it stings/hurts becasuse on some level you did want things to work out with him. But it never would work out with you or anyone for that matter as long as he is using drugs. He is no shape to be making anyone promises because his brain is alter by the drugs and that is the brain that he uses everyday to function and used when he was with you. So just know that the brain that he was using while you were together was a drugged out brain that was/is imcapaable of any real emotion. The drugs were talking then and the drugs are talking now. So please with everything in you try not to take it personaly.

Hug Yourself.

Precious

September 16, 2008
5:55 pm
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newme66
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I did get an R/O! I was supposed to go last week to have it continued. I did not want to see him. I am deathly afraid of my feelings and I did not want to compromise my sanity or break down in the court room.

He had been calling me w/ a blocked number and I did not anwer the phone. He sent me a text message and I called him back to tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE! I wish I never made that call. I had a weak moment. I was missing the illusion I had while with him.

I know it's pathetic that he is moving in w/ someone so soon and it probably won't last. And yes, she can have him. I don't think it will last too long. He's a slob, 100 lbs over weight and can hardly breath and snores so loud I had to sleep down stairs. She must not have much self-esteem either and that's what's keeping me going. I know it's unhealthy, but right now that's what is getting me through this.

I cried off and on today and I have to remember why I threw him out. I LOVE MY CHILDREN. I did not want him anymore. I did not want drugs in my home. I was sick of the abuse. Most of all I just did not love him anymore. I loved the illusion he painted and the lies he told. I still think, if he would only listen to me, he could get the help he needs. SCREW HIM - I need and want it more than he does. I am ready to face all the pain and feel the feelings. I never want to be a victim of abuse again. It just sucks that I can't date for a very long while. I want to love me first and it's going to take a while to change my thinking. I am on my way and it's okay to feel and cry!

September 16, 2008
5:58 pm
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newme66
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One more thing - no contact is the best way to go. I was doing okay, until I heard his voice. I was right back to being so crazy and wanting to die. Please take it from me - NO CONTACT = Less Pain!

September 16, 2008
9:25 pm
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lostagain27
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Newme66

All of your feelings are valid! you have every right to feel the way you do.

I agree no contact is the best way. Now you know. It hurts even hearing their voice. It's like they get back in there somehow when you worked so hard on getting them out.

You have a great attitude towards all of this. and you and your kids really do deserve better. Let his fat butt snore up a storm with that girl he has. She doesn't seem like much to me to be taking his butt in in the first place.

you are way better than the both of them and deserve great things and they will come to you they will!

(((New)))

September 16, 2008
10:09 pm
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PreciousG
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Today is 41 days with no contact.

September 16, 2008
10:38 pm
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Still at 0. Need to get this back on the right track. Will try again tomorrow.

Crazy-the two times he called turns out he wants to come back. My friends said that would be the case.

If he comes back it the violence would escalate.

God give me strength to move on.

September 17, 2008
8:44 am
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lostagain27
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(((Sad)))

Please don't go back. It will jsut be the same. Don't you think you will be happier in the long run if he wasn't there?

You are in my prayers and you do have the strength to stay away! you are donig it now.

Just try not to answer when he call!!!

Hang in there

(((Precious)))
41 days is kick ass!

I lost count on mine. I think it is 30 something but he doesn't call me. Makes me wonder why i am even grieving over his sorry butt!

Have agood day everyone and keep up the NO CONTACT!

Lost

September 17, 2008
1:16 pm
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Thanks, Precious and Lost!

Newme--I am right there with you. I cannot even work today. My life was moving forward and talking to him put me right back in my pathetic state of sadness, low self-esteem, blaming myself, not feeling good enough.

Please-anyone thinking of making contact-do what ever you need to get it to pass and don't answer the phone or the door--it is suicide.

September 17, 2008
3:49 pm
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I have been crying since Monday. I made the decision, just like the last 10 times to end it. Every time I ended it I wiould keep in contact and I would take him back. I did so good for a month! I knew if I talked to him I would only hurt. I am in so much pain.

The thought of him moving in with someone one month after us being engaged hurts me so bad. I am playing the love story in my head. They are enjoying each others company, going out to eat, talking on the phone, moving in together. I thinks she is making him so happy and that I never existed. That the will have this wonderful relationship that I could not give him because I was constantly angry at him, there was not a day that I was happy with him. He was a compulsive liar, cheater and drug addict. I think he's going to change and not lie and cheat on her, because he learned his lesson with me.

He suggested counseling, in desperation, and today I though I SHOULD HAVE WENT. I did not want to go when we were together because I did not take him serious. It just hurts so bad all I can do is think about them and cry!!!!! I can't beleive he found happiness and I am still suffering. I have chosen to go to therapy and try to figure out why I stay in abusive relationships and he gets to move in with another woman and be happy! What wrong????? I have no vices to turn to, just me and therapy!!!!!!

I can't wait to wake up and NOT think about him, and now her, not think all day about them and go to sleep with the same horrible thoughts. I guess this is what I get for breaking up with him, I did not want him, so he found someone who does! Do they change? Or is she doomed at some point??????? I don't want her to suffer, I want him to!

NO CONTACT IS THE BEST WAY TO GO - IT HURTS NO MATTER IF THEY ARE MOVING ON OR WANT YOU BACK - IT'S A NO WIN SITUATION.

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