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Resisting no more - time to face reality
November 2, 2006
4:36 pm
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RebuildTheWalls
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If the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have it, then it's time for me to get on with it. I am codependent. The good news first: I have proven to myself in the past that I can be alone and be okay with it. The bad news: I can't remember how I did that. Why do break-ups put me in a tailspin as if I am a little child again wanting for someone to take care of me even though during the relationship I am the one that is doing the taking care of the other person?

November 2, 2006
4:59 pm
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"dunno" ... separation anxiety ?

- where do ya need them walls for - ???

November 2, 2006
5:16 pm
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RebuildTheWalls
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I guess it could be separation anxiety since both times I've been married my wives have left me. About the "walls": it's just a reference to a personally meaningful story in the Bible to me - Nehemiah. He was on a mission of restoration. But since you asked, walls could also symbolize healthy bounadaries, perhaps, in my case. I've never really developed those.
Sorry about the reference to a religious book, but it just happens to be personally significant.

November 2, 2006
6:00 pm
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COOL ! ("sorry´s" are not accepted)

"healthy boundaries might be more resistant than ... (impermeable) walls"

November 3, 2006
11:07 am
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2alone
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I'm going through the same thing - well almost - can't quite get the second foot through the relationship door. But its scary to be alone. Its especially nerve wracking when you can't remember what you like and what makes you - well- you. I find myself asking "do I like this because I like it - or is it because he liked it?" It takes some time and effort but you will find your way back to you.

I wish I could put as much effort into loving myself as I put into the other person.

Feel free to chat if you need help getting through the quiet times.
2alone

November 3, 2006
11:26 am
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revelation
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It jist takes time to heal. You will be ok being alone again...in fact you may even someday wonder what all the fuss was about. I too went through what you are going through, I am single now and have been for over a year and am starting to enjoy life again slowly but surely, and also starting to realise how unhappy I was when my ex and I were together...I just couldn't see that at the time. This will make you stronger and more self-aware and you will learn a lot. Just be kind and gentle with yourself throughout your healing, your heart is broken and will need time to mend.

Take Care,
Rev.

November 3, 2006
11:31 am
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needtoheal
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hi rev--

as 2alone knows I am going through the same process...

it is difficult... and becoming more

familiar with co-dependency does help.

we have to know that this is a

process of learning and unlearning

of our unhealthy past that may have

contributed.

I suffered from separation anxiety

and i do not know what to do that

can help me right now...

but i am willing to find ways...

November 3, 2006
12:29 pm
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truthBtold
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What has helped me recently (see current thread) is to experience CLOSURE.....otherwise, the same old pain just keeps reappearing.

Sitting with yourself long enough to go through the messiness of the pain that you experienced in your other 2 marriages will bring up some great insight for you - maybe show you patterns about yourself that you were not aware of.

Only your can reveal that to yourself and it will probably lessen the impact of the tailspin.

Everything we need to know is already inside of us....and don't you know that those pesky feelings will keep popping up until they are acknowledged and grieved - and finallly closed.

Sounds like you are well on your way.

Like the other poster said - be kind and gentle with yourself. Good advice!

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