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Request for assistance with a relationship and self guided counseling
February 13, 2000
8:28 am
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shanny
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September 27, 2010
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This is my first time on this site and thought I would give it a try. I am in a serious relationship and am having some problems. What started out fantastic with sparks and communication and everything right is now a good friendship with cuddling, but little intimacy and no romance. He says I have issues and he doesnt want to marry an angry woman, but I dont think I am. He feels I have issues, which I do, but so does he and he puts all the ownership for our disagreements on me and says that I am nasty or angry when I don't believe I am. I suggested counseling, which didn't go over well - he doesn't trust strangers. I want to try to work things out ourselves and am not sure how to do that. THis is a man I want to spend the rest of my life with and who tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but only once I am comfortable with who I am and have control over my issues. Can anyone help?

February 13, 2000
11:01 pm
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melon
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September 29, 2010
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if the issues are yours...as he seems to think..go to counseling for you. And for you alone. I go or am in the process of starting...am doing alot of reading and so forth. But why not take the issues by the horns so to speak and take care of yourself. Besides..if I were you I would want to do the counseling thing wihtout him first especailly when the blame for disagreements is only put on you. Sounds like issues or no issues you get to take to much of the responsibility in this relationship.

February 14, 2000
9:29 am
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Cici
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September 24, 2010
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I have always thought that it is impossible to meet that expectation, although too many people in modern relationships use this excuse. There is no way to become completely psychologically healthy!

Varying schools of thought in psychology indicate that we are born into a world of complexities. Everything from childhood experiences to nutrition and metabolism and natural levels of neurotransmitters affect our behavior and thought patterns. There is no magic formula that tells us how to be "normal" even if we were able to define what normal is!

Being psychologically healthy is about being the most comfortable with yourself in the way that is the least hurtful to others within the predetermined social scripts of our soceity. That's the bottom line. Two peole come together not because they are completely psychologically healthy but because they have comparable neurosis!

This is an excuse, just like "I don't feel we're ready." It's just termed in the language of popular psychology (which is NOT true psychology as a science). TO say taht we must wait until we're mentally balanced is to say "No, never, not in a million years." Discuss things with him, try to et the real reason out. Because really, this is no reason at all.

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