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Relationship Question/annoyed with myself
July 22, 2005
2:51 pm
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stwhirlwind
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September 30, 2010
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Background: So....my relationship is not going so well right now. actually for the moment we are broken up, but trying to work things out. (we live together) one of our issues is that he feels like he needs more freedom to come and go, go out with friends, you know just have some 'apart' time.

I have been trying to give him his space (for the last month) not be too clingy or freak out when he goes out without me. Also, another of our issues is that when he does go out and I call him, he won't answer his phone so I end up calling over and over again. (lame I know). So we end up fighting about it later because he's pissed that I keep calling, and I'm pissed that he doesn't pick up. Well, I hadn't been doing this lately. It had been going well, until last night...

He called me on his way from work to tell me that he had to do a distribution for work (overtime) then he was going to go out with a co-worker and some other work people for a bit. (which was considerate of him to call me to let me know what was going on.) I took it well and said ok have a good time. I ended up going out for some dinner and drinks with a friend of mine and when I got home I was pretty tipsy, and I noticed that he had come home while I was gone and left again.(which he usually never does) so...

I decided in my drunken state to try to call him, of course he didn't pick up so I proceeded to call him oh, about 10 times (bad) Then I realized that was not going to make the situation better. I left it alone and when he came home later, he didn't act mad or annoyed (but he was drunk), he just said he was out with our other friend and sorry he didn't call me back.

So I need advice, because I am paranoid today at work thinking that even though he didn't act mad last night that I kept calling him but what if he thinks about it today and gets annoyed about it? We are planning to go out to dinner tonight and I am hoping he won't cancel on me now. Should I apologize or just not bring it up again? What should I do? I mean I am really trying to work on my insecurities here and I hope this doesn't ruin everything. help!

i should also add, he has never cheated on me, and he is usually very honest with me so i don't know what my problem is...

July 22, 2005
3:08 pm
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kathygy
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In any moment you can have a fresh start. I don't see the need to say your sorry you called so many times. Just stop doing it in the future. You could say you realize you've over reacted at his going out with friends and want him to feel free to do that. It sounds like this is going to be an ongoing situation you have to decide if you can trully can live with it and feel O.K. about it. If its a problem for you you need to talk it through with your bf. If you trully love someone you want for them what they want for theirself. He wants space within the relationship. If you can give that to him with love and security in yourself he may need less of it. I have a rule with myself. If I've been drinking (I don't drink a lot) but I never call a man. I might say something I'll regret and be sorry the next day. I tend to get very sentimental. Also, he can tell that you've been drinking and may respect you less for calling him during that condition. Find more life affirming ways to take care of yourself while he's out. Don't let alcohol drive you to call him.

July 22, 2005
4:10 pm
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on my way
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stwhirl,

you seem to be afraid to me, so what is it that you are afraid of?

July 22, 2005
4:22 pm
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SexySadie
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You hit it...fear...I did the same thing...calling and calling...when I finally did get him I was angry...thus why I threw him out a month ago...but after being with my Therapist a couple of times, she explained that I was really fearful...afraid that something had happened, he'd gotten another DUI, fight, jail, dead or laying in a gutter or had been in accident...in my relief of finally reaching him, I was angry to know that he was just avoiding my calls because I have done this in the past.

Sit back...think of what your fear is and realize that it is just a fear. If you love this man honey, slow down, stop and think...don't act like I did unless you are sure you are doing the right thing. My overreaction cost me the man I love.

I would apologize and just tell him that you are afraid when he goes out. I did tell mine...but it was too late.

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