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Rejection
April 19, 2001
1:14 am
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damaged
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I just felt very rejected by someone I thought cared about me for me. It hurts and right now I really want to cut and maybe I still will but first I needed to get it out and say it first.

April 19, 2001
8:18 am
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SHAZ
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THE HURT WILL GO IT WILL TAKE TIME BUT YOU WILL GET THERE IN THE END
PLEASE DO NOT HURT YOURSELF YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT

April 19, 2001
11:58 am
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grass
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You mean cut yourself? Oh honey please know that it is no way to deal with the pain...I know temporarily it will surpress the emotional pain, but eventually the it needs to be dealt with. Please, whenever you feel like cutting yourself, take out a pen and paper and start writing down why you want to do it, write down what you are feeling and then if that doesn't work go work out, take your anger out in the form of exercise.
Whatever happened please know that you a worth much more, fight the urge to take hate out on yourself, it's not your fault, don't let this person determine your worth!

April 19, 2001
12:14 pm
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Molly
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rejection, flat out sucks, but it is a signifigant part of life. I just figure it is their loss. But then again, my best friend is my dog. I learned that I am not compatible with every one, and learned to accept me. I just got tired of allowing others to hurt me. I controll that. I know who my real friends are, and realize that everyone is not worthy of my time, attention, contributions etc. But that took me some hard knocks, and growing up. I am now much more careful, and accepting. I guess I am just more comfortable with me. Maybe that could work for you, but just like others that allow others to inflict pain, you need to dump it some where until you have more controll of your emotions, but to give some other person enough power to inflict more pain on your self, doesn't make sense to me. How do you see cutting as a solution? Its like stating, your right, I am worthless, and I don't get how that would serve you. I mean you who ever you are, are a gift in your own right, aren't you? take a stand for who you are, what you think, what you believe, how you look, and tell the other person, thank you for sharing, and never give them the opportunity to connect with you again. Laugh at them, then feel sorry for them.

April 20, 2001
7:56 pm
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damaged
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Hi I didn't cut the other night and I haven't wanted to since. I know its really a dumm thing to go and do. I have had a problem with this kind of thing for awhile now. Yes I know I need to learn to accept me. Thats what this is all about I think...I haven't like me very much. In the last three months I have been working very hard to love me and accept me for me. Today I can say I like me. However, when the old feelings start come in then I have a problem. I just feel like I coulnt give a darn. Anyway I am glad I worked through it this time. Thanks for everyones help.

April 23, 2001
2:01 am
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damaged
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Today was one of the best days of my life and one of the worst. I wanted to cut like hell but my girl friend kind of got me out of the mood. You know I really don't care if anyone responds to this or not. My [email protected] heart hurt to day and and I dont't like it to hurt. I guess thats why I drank for the last several years. I know this post sounds childish and my spelling is that too, but I guess Im just talking. I guess I am trying to tell myself I don't give a [email protected] what anyone things. Not even myself. Just like a [email protected]@ing cry baby.

April 23, 2001
3:14 am
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malaikau
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Dear Damaged,

I liked when you talked about having one of the best days and one of the worst days all at the same time. Isn't life interesting? So full of contradictions? Sometimes it can be frustrating and overwhelming! I'm glad to hear that you had someone in your life who could help you not to cut.

It's no fun to have bad days. It's no picnic feeling pain. I can remember not to long ago I had the most horrible headache. It hurt so badly. I kept on taking medications and I couldn't get any relief from the pain. When it finally went away, I felt so good! To be free of the pain helped me to be in touch with the fact that it had left me! I know it sounds crazy, but if I hadn't had that awful headache I never would have known how good it felt NOT to have it! In a way, that headache was a blessing because I appreciated the time when I wasn't in pain, whereas before I would take those times for granted.

You say you had some times today when you felt really good, and really bad. I don't know for sure, but I'd be willing to take a guess that the good times look even better when you compare them to the really bad times. Pain teaches us. It teaches us to be careful, it teaches us to have healthy fear, it teaches us how to use our bodies in a healthy way, it teaches us to be careful with our hearts, feelings, and spirits. It also teaches us how good it feels when it leaves. It teaches us how to appreciate those moments of relief. In a lot of ways, you had some very special blessings today, even if you were hurting some of the time.

I know right now you must feel "damaged". I imagine you have seen, experienced, and lived through some mighty tough times or you would not be thinking of yourself as "damaged". I'm holding out hope and looking forward to the day when you can enter this site and post an announcement that you are changing your name from "damaged" to "content", or "hopeful", or "peace and light"! Allowing your feelings to come through, even the painful ones, is a sure way to get to a new place where you don't have to think of yourself as "damaged" anymore.

The other thing I was thinking is that if I were "damaged", I would probably be a "cry baby" too. Anyone would be. So it's okay. Be a cry baby. You know, babies aren't able to tell us what's wrong with them. So when something is the matter, or they have a need, they have to cry. If you spent years drinking and stuffing your feelings deep inside of yourself, well you might not be able to just come out and tell people around you exactly what you need or where it hurts. Maybe right now you need to be a cry baby because it's the only way you can communicate your needs and feelings. Just go with it. In time, just like a baby you will learn new ways to communicate.

Hang in there! And keep coming here for love, support, encouragement, and kindness!

Your friend,

Mal

April 23, 2001
10:07 am
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damaged
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Thanks Mal I am going to think about what you said here. You seem to be a caring person.

April 23, 2001
8:06 pm
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malaikau
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Dear Damaged,

I spent lots of time thinking about you today because your post last night was so intense. I hope you had a good day without so much bad today!

God bless!!

Mal

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