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October 7, 2004
10:22 am
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Meagen
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Hi everyone. As you may remember, a couple of weeks ago I broke off a friendship with a man who was an alcoholic. I set all of the right boundaries, he accused me of being a conditionally friend and that was the end of it. I am so stupid - I was feeling sorry for myself, very lonely, bad day at work, whatever and I called him. The rush was incredible. All of those insecurities, the nervousness and the inability to say no to him - it all came back. I even agreed to meet him tonight for dinner. I am so angry with him for choosing alcohol over me, angry with myself for not being strong enough to say no and angry with him again for not giving me the emotional commitment that I need from him as a friend. Please, guys, I need some strong advice and support. I have to see him in a few hours now and I know I'm not strong enough to set those boundaries, go through the first few days of heartache, et cetera all over again. Thank you - I'm sorry that I slipped.

October 7, 2004
10:40 am
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CAMER
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Meagan, we all slip, trust me I have been there before. I was involved with an alcohlic, and i too hard the hardest time understanding how he could like booze more than me. Its an illness (alcoholism) and unless your man takes necessary steps to keep himself sober, you will have a tough road ahead of you. Does he go to regular AA meetings and have a sponsor?? If you do go out with him tonite, just be careful, he may promise you the world, etc...but from what I have seen, the demons in alcoholism pop into a persons mind alot and he could go back to drinking....just understand and know what you are getting yourself into.

Hugs from Camer

October 7, 2004
10:42 am
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Freya
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Hey Meagen,
remember that you broke that friendship off for a reason- now remember what those reasons were. Think about what you want and how you will be able to get that. Will you get it with him? I doubt it and you probably do too. He is an alcoholic you say, and you feel as though he choses alcohol over you. He doesn't see the two as being related. He has an addiction to feed and until he sees it for what it really is, then to him it is not a problem.
As painful as it may be, recall all the hurt, disappointment, pain, depression and anxiety that went along with your relationship with him. Really feel it again, this will help you to set boundries, what you will and will not tollerate. This is no easy task but you need to protect yourself. I wish you luck with your evening- sending hugs. Freya.

October 7, 2004
10:44 am
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Meagen
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Camer (and others),

Did I mention that I am married to a recovering (three years down!) alcohlic? The fact that I have to keep going outside of my marriage to rescue other people is really starting to wear me out. Additionally, my husband is forced to watch his wife try to fix the world. What can I do to stop this pattern? I need so much help. I feel overwhelmed so I don't even take the first step to help myself and my marriage.

October 7, 2004
10:44 am
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Freya
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oh yeah, most importantly, you don't need to say sorry for what you have done. You are human. We tend to fall into comfort zones quite easily. Believe me, everyone does it. Take good care, Freya.

October 7, 2004
10:58 am
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kathygy
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You still have a chance to get yourself back from this man by breaking your date with him. Do not meet with him. You are vulnerable and he could easily pull you back in. You are cheating by seeing this man. It could be an escape from the problems of your marriage. You need to face your marriage first before turning to someone else. Take care of yourself first. This other man is an alcoholic and you cannot fix him. That is not your job. He will continue to drink and choose alcohol over you until HE decided, if he ever does decide to go for help. Rescue yourself from the pain this man has caused you and will only cause you more pain if you go back to him.

October 7, 2004
11:25 am
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CAMER
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Meagan, i agree with Kathy, you first need to fix what is wrong in your marriage b4 starting a new relationship with another alcoholic.
When you keep going outside your marriage to rescue these men, it seems like you are getting your world into alot of chaos. why not just cancel the date tonite, and find out what is missing from your marriage now?? have you talked with your husband?? and he has 3 years sober??right?? that is great, but what are you missing from this relationship.

Please know you have lots of choices in this world, and I would tend to your marriage issue 1st b4 going out with this other man who has his own issues.

Good luck

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