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Regarding ability to feel and self preservation(suicidal thoughts etc...)
August 9, 2015
3:47 am
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Alexander
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August 9, 2015
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Jump straight into it, obviously depressed to some degree, I want to die and have for several years now, but I just cannot bring myself to cut my throat, I have held it there for long periods of time just with a blank mind, thinking of nothing and then I always put it down, and then I start looking aimlessly on the internet for anything, find a website that doesn't help at all, feel slightly less suicidal after I wake up in the morning then rinse repeat etc, can any of you tell me why I can't? is it some self preservation instinct or am I a coward? About feeling, I can't feel love anymore, I feel nothing for my mother despite that she is so good to me, I just can't feel love anymore, I loved a girl and she broke my heart, that was 5 months ago but I still am no closer to getting over it and I doubt I ever will if I live, with her I felt happy, I would have done anything for that girl just to see her happy.
About spirituality/religion, I believe there is a god, my mothers side of the family is catholic and I suppose i am as well, I am going to hell because in all honesty I'm not a good person, I could have killed people before, because in my mind they do deserve to live, and I still firmly believe that, besides suicide is supposedly a sin and gets you a free ticket there anyway. Although I love animals, I could never hurt one, and in my mind all people who hurt an animal have no soul. But what if hell is catered to individuals, for example just a far far worse version of the life i have now, and if i don't want to live now then what in the world would I do then? I think if I had a gun i could shoot myself, but I do not have access to one and its quite hard to get them where i live and travelling is not an option

August 21, 2015
9:08 pm
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sketchie
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February 14, 2015
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Call Need help? United States:
1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

They can give you the answers that you are looking for

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