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Recovering Sex and Love Addict here
August 20, 2005
3:47 pm
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kroft
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September 30, 2010
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Hi there!

I just decided to join in here today after readign a few threads, and thought I should introduce myself instead of just replying as if everyone knows me. 🙂

I'm in recovery as an ACA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic), Codependent and Sex, Love and Relationship addict.

A year and a half ago my partner of 3 years broke up with me out of the blue, and it seemed like my whole life evaporated. I was lost, desperate, lost all will to live. Luckily I still had some savings because I couldn't even work.

I tried so hard to get him to change his mind but there was no going back. It was over. I wished at least I had seen it coming, but I hadn't. I was devastated.

I had put my whole self and life into that relationship. So actually, it was a blessing disguised as a curse that he broke up with me, because over the past year and a half I've been able to discover that I am a whole person underneath all that dependency and addiction and pain.

I joined SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) when a friend recommended it to me, because I couldn't stop contacting my ex and I was obsessed with having him back in my life. I couldn't stop because something made me believe that I could never be happy and whole until I got him to love me again.

It's been a painful experience but thanks to my recovery group, God, and a lot of painful withdrawal I am so much better now. I thought I'd join to learn from others, and also to share my experience, strength and hope.

Thanks for listening! Cheers. 🙂

August 20, 2005
4:42 pm
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lollipop3
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September 29, 2010
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Hi Kroft,

It seems as though you are on the right track and I congratulate you on getting the help that you needed.

As I'm sure you have seen, there are many wonderful people here that offer encouragement, strength and hope to people in need, as well as benefiting from others, such as yourself who "have been there".

Welcome to the site and keep posting....

Lolli

August 20, 2005
6:09 pm
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hoping_2_feel_again
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September 24, 2010
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Kroft,
Good For You!!! Please keep posting and reading the posts on this site. Things will get easier with time. When you start doubting, tell us. When you are doing great, tell us. Everyone on this site will listen, reply, encourage and give you a "swift kick" if you need it.

You said the breakup was a "blessing in disguise". This is so true. I won't go into my whole story, but my fiance broke up with me 1 week before the wedding, out of the blue. I thought I would die! I never thought I would get over it. But I did, and I can say it truly was a blessing in disguise.

Keep strong!

Love,
h2fa

August 20, 2005
7:39 pm
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HOPELESS ROMANTIC
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September 24, 2010
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I'm much the same way with the sex and I was so conscientious of her needs, yet she wouldn't even so much as tell me happy birthday. She'd work all day, come home, wait for sex and that was about it. ON her days off, we'd fight and I'd usually get kicked out and would come back begging and whining asking what I'd done that was so awful. She blamed me for everything wrong, that I now lack self confindence in myself and feel like no one likes me. I feel betrayed and embarassed. We just broke up this morning and yet as much as I know this relationship is over and she's just making a mockery of the whole issue, some part of me just can't let go. Can you help?

August 21, 2005
6:53 am
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garfield9547
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September 24, 2010
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Hi Everybody

My husband used to be a love addict. I can actually add sex as well. We have been in therapy together for about 18 months now. It has been very hard for him and for me> i was enmeshed with my family and had to divorce myself and he does not have contact (Or very little) with his family.
We have been married for 17 years and luckily he has never cheated on me and only wants me. His whole life revolves around me and our 2 children.
It came out in therapy that he has been neglected and rejected by his mother (a clinical psychologist) can you believe this.
She is a very cold person, but hte mask she has is amazing. Everybody thinks the world of her and she is also VERY good in counseling children. Everybody but her own.
So, because I had to be the parent in our house for my mother, father and siblings I was a very good mother figure. I have lots of abbility to nurture my husband and children. But when it comes to intimacy I fall out of the bus completely.
His sexdrive made me crazy and I always gave in. I felt like a object and alloud it because I was used to it coming from my childhood.
His seaction to sex is to feel accepted. He has to have it otherwise he cannot survive. He has changed so much and it has been a great change seeing ourselves for what we are in therapy. I have to come closer emotionally and this is very hard for me.
Just want to add, he used to fantasies day and night about sex. When he realised what is going on he felt so angry and lost his fantasies and libido for weeks. This happened a couple of times. That did not work because the frustration kept on coming back. He is so in control now, but it has taken months.

Garfield

August 22, 2005
9:50 am
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artist 2
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September 27, 2010
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Kroft, SLAA has been great for me too. However, because of my addictive tendencies, I've had to watch becoming addicted to the group. Getting into a program has given me focus and relief from withdrawal.

August 22, 2005
6:29 pm
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dustygirl
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September 27, 2010
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To me, SLAA has been a gift from God. I didn't know where to turn anymore, was losing my mind (atleast I thought I was) and my friends and family turned their back on me because I couldn't "end" my relationship with my b/f. I am still struggling and going through the horrible withdrawl phase, but with my new friends in the group, the meetings and the book, I now have hope. I definitely recommend the 12 step program to all who think they are love or sex addicted. Please look up the website and read the characterisitics - it's scarry, but I fit everyone of them.
http://www.slaafws.org

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