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Rebuilding my life
July 3, 2013
9:59 pm
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2013ways
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Do you still attend this group? What type of info. does the literature contain? I have had experience with the insanity thing and prefer to work hard at restoring mine. I did work out today. Getting back on top of my game. Got a lot done at work.  The weather here was in the 90's but due to the coast we have nice cool mornings and cool evenings. For a while I felt like I was in a sauna. No air conditioner on. Just have a fan on. Most people don't change. Do they? Time for me to find people that are up and running and leave the fixer uppers alone. I hope my meeting with my friend from HS works out. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 4, 2013
3:47 am
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Ocean,

I still do not understand what you are trying to tell me.  The group is just a group of parents who are struggling with the same issues who are trying to support each other.  My child refuses counselling of any kind & his problems are real.  It is hard for me to sit by and watch while his life gets taken away from him.  The truth is I cannot do anything but ask for his respect in our home & hope that he make better choices for his life.

 

One Day

July 4, 2013
7:02 am
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 One day.........I had a strange dream last night. Something to do with my ex and putting my mirrored head board into storage. Her and another friend I have wanted to put the head board to my bed in storage and I was looking at it wondering if I should shine it up before they do but thought it wouldn't make a difference because they would be putting their hands all over it anyways. This has now become a recocurring dream about a head board. Before my ex came out to see me I had a dream that I saw a head board sitting up against a wall in an empty room. 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 4, 2013
3:39 pm
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Ocean Boi,

I am sorry for the bad dream.  I have terrible nightmares sometimes.  I wake up crying and sobbing for hours because they are so horrific.  Today I am living through a real time/day/wake nightmare in the most extreme way a Mother/Parent could have.  My son has a very terrible infection of the skin & by me cleaning his clothes, room, furniture, sheets, etc., I have now contracted it.  I am so tired of my life.  I am so seriously ready to bail.  I cannot keep up with the demands of this very full time job.  I love my son very very much, but I am so stunned by his continuous level of being so disrespectful to the entire family.  Now my other children may have to face this illness also.  I think that he does not care for his siblings or his parents one bit.  Very sad.

 

One Day

July 4, 2013
7:20 pm
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One Day,

I can imagine how difficult this must be. It takes some kids time for the judgement area in their brain to develop and many are struggling with learning how to be independent and just don't have the ability to take others needs into consideration. Then society looks upon mothers as a tool whose job is to take care of children and not to dare think of themselves. I don't blame you for feeling drained. With all that is going in with your health I don't know where you find the strength.

Tomorrow I meet my friend at the park. Will be up late doing work I dread. Hope you rest comfortably. 

 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 5, 2013
5:28 am
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Ocean Boi,

thanks for the support.  Have a good day.

July 5, 2013
7:44 pm
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I had a good day. Got a lot of work done at my job. Went to the park and met my GF from HS. She had a special needs child with her that she is taking care of while his legal guardian is out of town. She really wants me to go to her ranch and help her out with her horses that she doesn't have time for. Too bad she lives so far far away. I worked out on some new equipment that was fun at the gym. The weather here was perfect. I  will be up doing work that never ever ever ends, but at least I'm int he correct frame of mind to do it. One of my neighbors called and asked if he could get the pass code for my wii fii because his GF who let him use hers broke up with him. I told him I had to go meet my friend and didn't give it to him. I'm all like why doesn't anyone EVER call me with something good coming my way instead of a scheme to take something?? Back to work. 

How was your day One Day? Did you get your house cleaning done? The only thing I had to deal with was a friend who came from Mexico where there is no water to wash had Lice I just put olive oil in her hair. She slept on my air bed so I cleaned all of the linen, blankets and pillows. I used to wash my clothes in cold water and hang them to dry to be green and got staph that way. I had to wash everything in hot water and dry them in a dryer and use hibicleanse. Now I have red ants every where and can't wait for the weather to change so they will go away. My security door has this huge gap in it so they can just come in and out as they please. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 6, 2013
5:57 am
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Ocean,

sorry for all your troubles with the ants & lice.  Overall I guess we have had a very wet & humid summer so far, so that might be why we have had many troubles with rashes, bugs & infestations.  I hope your day goes well.

 

One Day

July 6, 2013
8:02 am
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One Day,

My take on the bugs is I have to share life with other life. Great morning. Over cast and cool. Started work early. Be glad when it gets caught up. It will be a perfect summer day in the 80's. I prefer humid to dry. Water is a life giving force that's why I love the ocean so much and breating pure oxygen at sea level. I'm taking the day off from the gym. Hope to swim tomorrow.

 

Ocean 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 6, 2013
7:34 pm
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Ocean Boi,

I am sorry but I would rather not have bugs migrated and setting up shop in my body.  If you saw how hard I have worked in the last 48hrs to disenfect an entire house, you would be crying your eyes out.  There is still much to do & I really would need to have enough money to buy some new things to know that these critters are not going to come back.  They live on fabric.  Trust me, you do not want to go through this.  Never ever.  Particularly when someone else randomly has this parasite, refuses to be treated, and then infects you. 

 

One Day

July 7, 2013
6:18 am
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One Day,

I plan to leave for the ocean in about an hour. I hope to get more work done. I have no idea what to do with these small red ants. Still don't need the air conditioner this place stays cool even with all the windows and doors shut I'm lucky that way. What are your plans for today?

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 7, 2013
6:51 am
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I was thinking about going to the States & findling a nice quiet person who would be kind enough to loan me one of their constitutional rights purchases to use in my mouth, but then I remembered that the children would not have anyone to make them dinner tonight.

 

One Day

July 7, 2013
11:50 am
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I was thinking about getting away from the heat and going to a cool place up north by the pacific ocean. You must be a good mom to provide your kiddos with home cooked meals. I went swimming this morning, it was nice.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 7, 2013
12:50 pm
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Not really.  Home cooked meals are just cheaper than take out.  My children would eat take out every night if they were rich, trust me.  They practically live for junk food. $100.00 worth of groceries usually makes about 4-5 home cooked meals.  A night of pizza is usually just under $40.00.  A restaurant meal is totally too much money.  It's called a budget, & it's called surviving.  It has little to do with being a good Mother.  The Mother part comes from giving them attention & support & trying to let them be themselves without imposing too many rigid rules while making them aware that outside the home, there are plenty of rules that they will need to follow even though few of them make any sense whatsover.  Lots of men & women can cook, some even get paid huge to cook meals, not all of those people qualify to be parents.  Sorry to disappoint you or pop your bubble of who I am.  I have been told by some people who are not my children that I prepare good meals.  Maybe they were just being nice that day.

 

Take care,

 

One Day

July 7, 2013
7:41 pm
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One Day,

When you talk about 4-5 home cooked meals for $100 is that just for one meal? I can't cook. Just simple no brainer stuff. I only drink water, and eat fresh fruits and vegetables, quiona, tofu, nuts, tempeh. Once in a while I eat something I don't normally eat. Dreaming about a cooler climate.

 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 8, 2013
3:53 am
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Ocean Boi,

really what I should have said is the grocies last for about 5 days or less.  So four people are eating enough food for at least 4-5 days.  I only really prepare lunches (during school year to children) & the dinner meal.  Sometimes I make a morning breakfast on weekends.  The boys are not babies anymore, so they grab whatever they want for breakfast or lunch.  No matter what, I am the person washing all the dishes in the sink, doing all the laundry, & all the house cleaning.  You must be very fit if you only eat nuts & berries & tofu.  Do you eat any carbs or meat at all?  I guess not.  I could not afford to buy just nuts & berries, nor would everyone hear agree to eating that way everyday.  It has been very humid & very hot & wet here this summer.

 

One day

July 8, 2013
6:52 am
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One Day,

The quiona, tofu, nuts and tempeh are carbs. No meat. The things I love to do keep me fit such as swimming in the ocean, running and horse training. Off to the ocean and to see a clients young filly. 

 

Ocean boi.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 8, 2013
10:22 am
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Ocean Boi,

sorry, I like meat.  I also love fish.  Chicken sometimes.  Avocado yum.  Peanut butter & nuts in general are yummy.  Fruits on high demand.  Bread, yummy, yummy bread.  Just give me tons of food with beautiful colours & I'm terribly happy.  Next day, why did I eat all that???Confused

 

One Day

July 8, 2013
11:21 am
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One Day,

Speaking of food I just bought a bag of perfect cherries. Had a good work out. Some drama at work between my 2 business associates. One is kicking the other one out of the office and the one who is getting kicked out called me and I'm like why are you asking me about all of this go ask the other one. Then the other one called and will be at my place very early in the morning to go over the list of demands from the regulatory agency. We have 2 days to comply. 

Then... I can't find a connecting cable that fits into my Wacom so... off to the electronics place to see if I can find one there. Damn it's HOT here today. 

My next adventure is to find an e book format that I can upload my content into so it will look really cool the way books look in a nook or kindle. 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 8, 2013
2:28 pm
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Ocean Boi,

happy to hear that you are eating cherries.  They are yummy.  I used to buy them when they came on sale in my area, but then the middle boy would just throw the seeds all over the house, in his room, just about anywhere, and then it was not fun or worthwhile to buy them anymore because I had to think about the amount of time it took to clean his mess because he simply refused to just put the pits in a cup or straight to the garbage like the rest of the family.  Same for the stem of the strawberries.  Same for all dirty socks, clothing, skateboards, knapsacks or bloody anything that he felt me, his personal slave should/must do for him. I would find them all over the house.  I started buying the strawberries and taking the green top part off prior to them going in the fridge, but they would go bad real quick & again it was extremely time consuming to do just because that kid is so selfish.  Once I threw his dirty clothes clear out into the front yard where they remained for days.  He was too far gone in his substance abuse to even notice.  Finally when he did, he asked "why the hell are my clothes on the front lawn'?  When I told him that I was fed up with picking up after him, he just laughed and said "I'm never going to pick up anything", dream on bitch".

We had blackouts and severe thunderstorms here today with very humid high temperatures also.  I still have the skin infection and I can barely sleep at night.  I am still sanitizing the entire house and have done so much laundry I want to throw up.  I lost the toenail of my big toe and it's pretty ugly, but that and the possibility of my retina's detaching on the right eye, having the surgery in mid July & my knee hurting day & night means not much anymore.  I just keep going cause hey I end up falling asleep hoping for one thing and boom it's morning & I wake up & then I have to start all over again.  I have no way out but to wait for something substantial to happen to me.

Sounds like you are being played by both sides at work.  People do this instead of talking to each other.  It's kind of ludicrous if you ask me.  Whatever happened, if it does not involve you, should not involve you, but if the boss is feeling guilty and the one who is being let go is feeling let down, you are the neutral good person at this time.  You should be happy you are not the boss firing nor the employee being fired.  Not fun.

It's great that you have time to concentrate on your book.  I hope it is profitable for you as I am sure you deserve it.

 

One Day

July 8, 2013
3:06 pm
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One Day,

It must be hard taking care of these young boys on your own. I'm not sure what kind of skin infection you have, but bactroban is the best stuff for it because it actually penetrates the skin. It costs a fortune but I make sure I have a tube of it because it clears up stuff right away especially MRSA. You said your are having problems with your Retina is that from complications associated with diabetes or from an injury to your eye? I know what you mean by one day turning into the next. 

This woman put myself and this other woman down on the paperwork for the business. She only needs two people and I hope that this situation that is brewing doesn't effect the approval to run the business. She is using me because I am the only one who is approved by the regulatory agency to over see this business. So this woman has been very generous to me in exchange for my help. 

I know this might sound crazy but I love thunder, rain, and storms. Clouds mean water and water is a life giving force. I'm tired of blue skies and warm weather. 

This book I want to put together is in a highly specialized area but will be a first if I actually go through with it. I just want to make the information that I have to disseminate on the subject as convienant and interesting as possible. Besides I enjoy learning new stuff like how to write an E book. 

There is a fire some where out there up in the mountains and I hope they get it under control. 

I plan to go somewhere cool in August. 

 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 8, 2013
4:29 pm
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Ocean Boi,

so far I have used a lotion that the Doctor prescribed- nearly $50.00 plus another one called Nix.  They are both 5% Permethrine.  I pretty much think it's the best and only solution around.  It really hurts that he & his friends call me a bitch.  I have done nothing but try with this kid.  I am sick and tired.  I give up.

 

One Day

July 8, 2013
5:44 pm
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One Day,

You poor thing that is miserable. Benadryl can help the itching and to sleep at night. This level of disrespect that kids show their parents seems to be the new normal. The children know that they can do this and you can't lay a hand on them or force them to stay in the house or in their rooms. It's a logistical nightmare. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 8, 2013
6:45 pm
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Ocean,

trust me, there ain't no logic involved.  Millions of Mothers who are single parents, millions of two parent families,millions of single Dad's & even parents with adoptive children who are addicted to a substance and still live at home are victims of this abuse.

Drugs & teenagers using drugs to self medicate instead of dealing with their problems through counselling has become epidemic worldwide.  I know that many adults also struggle with many addictions, but somehow drugs seem to be very available to youngsters & the pot that they are smoking is obviously laced with other drugs to get them hooked and keep them hooked.

They give up on all their dreams and goals.  It's cheap, it's easy & it turns them into mindless, disrespectful young adults.  They mistreat their parents, they give up on their education & they literally cannot see the real world anymore.

I am not a prude.  I am quite liberal minded.  We had parties when I was a teenager too.  They came maybe once a month if even.  We spiked the punch & I am sure someone had tried or pretended they were smokers.  Mostly we laughed & played truth or dare & had a couple of slow dances.  I know we had a lot of fun & we listened to a lot of really good music.

I don't know, maybe I was just the odd one out.  I remember all the people at the pub at my University.  It just wasn't my scene.  I was in the library or if you could not find me there, you could try the games room where the pinball machines were.

 

One Day

July 8, 2013
9:26 pm
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One Day,

Things have changed. Not sure what the future holds. The zombies are imitating life.

 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

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