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really need some encouragement....curious64
July 17, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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Curious, after a bitter argument (again) with his father, my
son left for his visitation.

I have to salvage
the rest of the weekend for the sake of my older child, who goes
back to college on sunday.

It is a mountain
to climb - but WE WILL MAKE IT! even if it's in baby
steps.

My vacation plans
are cancelled too - for money reasons mostly. I was looking forward
to time with my family, but it isn't gonna happen I fear. It makes
me incredibly sad and lonely. I finally repaired my relationship
with my dad and now I can't enjoy the time with him.

I am going to
china buffet with my daughter....(so I can binge and spend money I
don't have...lol...seems like of warped, I know)

I'll check
back.

July 17, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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rising - Sorry about your vacation plans. I know first hand how
much that stinks. Maybe something will work out for you.

Too bad you have
to have such a difficult time with your son's father. Why do they
have to make things so difficult?

Man, China Buffet,
that is my very favorite. I really miss that. Was tempted to go
there myself today, but knew I would not be able to control myself.
I guess my buffet days are behind me.

We do have a huge
mountain to climb, but if we just take one step at a time we will
make it.

July 18, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I did
ok...not a big pig out...not a true binge really...I ate a few
bites of a little bit of everything....didn't feel like a pig when
I left.

so, all is
good.

just trying to
cope with this custody/visitation crap on top of all the other
stress.

July 18, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Rising - Good for you!! I could not go to the China Buffet and
not pick out. I love it all too much. You have much better control
than I have at this point.

I can only imagine
the stress of dealing with custody and visitation. I did not have
that issue. My son's father ran off while I was pregnant never to
be heard from again and my daughter's case was different. Never
knew who the father was, long story short, went out with
girlfriends, someone slipped something in my drink, followed me
home and the next thing I know I was pregnant. So, i have never
dealt with the custody thing. However, I have dealt with the
finanacial issues and still do. Also, know how hard it is to raise
kids alone.

I have a question
for the powers that be, why does it have to be so expensive to eat
healthy? Went to the store last night and gosh it costs a lot to
eat fresh healthy foods.

Even eating out, I
can get a double cheeseburger and fries for 2 bucks at McDonald's,
but a salad is 5 or 6 bucks.

Well, I hope you
are having a good Sunday. Still very hot here in Indiana. I'm ready
for October. Will check back later. ((HUGS))

July 18, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I had
the same situation with my daughter....her father walked out and
never to be heard from again. It was much easier that way, and tho
I got no financial support, I liked the idea of having no
complications and was worth not having child support.

I KNEW I never
wanted to deal with this kind of situation - but here I am right in
the middle of it.

oh well, trying to
make the best of it.

Yeah, good food is
expensive and veggies and fruit have short shelf life, so you gotta
go often, which is VERY difficult for me cuz the store is 40
minutes away.

I am growing my
own garden, sharing with my mother in law at her place, but it is
gonna be weeks before we get anything out of it.

July 18, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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I
have to admit when I see what some people go through with
visitation etc, I'm kind of happy I didn't have to deal with that.
My son't father would really have had a negative effect on him. He
never changed, never grew up. Such a waste.

I can't imagine
living that far from a grocery. I am only 2 mins from one here.
Still I hate going so often for fresh stuff.

My dad has a nice
garden and he does share with the family so that does help some.
His cucumbers are the best.

Struggling today
with being bored. It is raining and stormy. Just doing laundry and
trying not to eat anything because i'm bored. I have some
watermelon for a snack later.

Hope things are
calming down for you.

July 18, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I was
happy not to deal with it with my daughter for sure.

It's hard watching
her dad on FB now, he's all goo-goo, gaa-gaa over his new
daughter....which is his THIRD child....he walked away from first
two....and everyone saying how wonderful it is...happy first
father's day...and how beautiful his daughter his...her first crawl
and all that....I'm like...YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER ALREADY
DIRTBAG....but I restrain myself.

when you are bored
- find things to do....if you want to eat...consider why you want
to eat...and if you really HAVE to eat - get sugar free
popsicles...or eat lots of fresh raw veggies (free food on most
weight loss plans)....drink lots of water to keep you
hydrated...sometimes it makes you feel hungry when you just need
water....also, try putting yourself off for a few
minutes...sometimes I do that and forget I wanted something ten
minutes later.

sometimes...no...I
give in anyway.

July 18, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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That
is really awful about your daughter's father. He has some nerve to
have stuff like that out there.

Iam trying to feel
my feelings when I want to eat. I realize I am going through a
little depression from ending my relationship with food.

I did get some
sugar free popsicles. It is so hot they are pretty refreshing. I
have been cutting up veggies and taking to work with me, but i have
to admit I am getting a little tired of cucumbers and carrots. I
think maybe I would enjoy some veggies better if I steam them and
eat them warm instead of raw.

I sat there
talking to myself yesterday about feeling my feelings. I was like,
okay, I'm feeling it, now what do I do with it?

Going to have to
call my dentist tomorrow, have a pretty bad toothache. Must have a
cavity. Seems like I have something different hurting every dang
day. Gets kind of old after a while.

So far I haven't
given in to my need to feed my feelings, or given into a craving.
Really is not normal behavior for me, but I am trying to make it my
normal. Trying to think like a thin and healthy person. Talking it
out loud to myself like an affirmation hoping it will
stick.

Do you have any
suggestions of where to find some good low cal/low fat recipes.
Getting kind of bored eating the same few things.

I hope that you
have a really good week. Hang in there. Minute by minute we will
make it up this mountain and reclaim our health.

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I
know what you mean about new things hurting every day. I feel like
I am falling apart as fast as my old used car is.

Low-fat recipes
are EVERYWHERE.

I think
allrecipes.com has a wide variety.

Really, just
google low fat chicken recipe or whatever ingredient you want to
look for....many options.

Here are two of my
favorite ideas - both chicken.

marinate skinless
boneless ckn breast in fat free italian dressing for many hours or
overnight...grill them until cooked all the way through. You can
use them in a wrap, salad, just for nibbling...or add marinara
sauce and low fat mozzerella or provolone, bake until cheese is
bubbly....put over whole wheat pasta with marinara and you got low
fat chicken parm...put on a whole wheat roll - you got low fat
chicken parm sandwich.

The other - take
chicken tenders (or cube chicken breast) dip in equal parts of
honey mustard mixed/wisked with buttermilk (which is not high fat
as it may sound)....then dip in bread crumbs.....meanwhile, heat a
cookie sheet in 450 oven - when it's hot, spray wiht PAM or some
type of spray oil - then add chicken...cook 6-8 minutes each
side....sometimes it gets messy as the breading likes to fall off
(heating the pan is intended to "sear" it when it is placed on it,
but doesn't always work for me)....this is branden's
favorite...it's tasty even tho I don't like mustard.

I have some
recipes from weight watchers, but they are meal types and
lengthy.

Breakfast is my
favorite...I found the 100 calorie bagel thins - whole wheat or
multigrain - add either one whole egg or some egg beaters or three
egg whites cooked in Pam or microwaved....low fat cheese
slice...even a slice of center cut bacon...it's filling and not bad
for you - even with cheese, egg and bacon...tho not very sodium
friendly I think...but better than mcdonald's or take out
sandwiches.

I like lunches too
- wraps or the new deli thin sandwich breads...load up wiht crispy
romaine, ripe tomato, low fat meat choice (chicken or turkey)...and
because I would rather have less regular mayo than more low fat
crap...I use a little mayo (always measure).

My favorite snacks
- baked lays potato crisps. And the 100 calorie snak packs - many
choices there - but I only eat them in my work lunch, so I can't be
tempted to go back for more later....cuz I leave rest at
home!

Another low fat
option - take baked tostitos, and cook some very lean ground beef
(93%) season it with a little taco seasoning (or skip it), top with
salsa (free food), reduced fat sour cream (measured), low fat
cheddar(measured) and lots of lettuce and tomato...olives are free
too...onions...I think they make fat free refried beans if you like
that sort of thing.

The key is portion
size and modifying the ingredients that go into it.

I didn't think I
could do it, but I am doing it.

I eat MORE cuz I
make sure I eat three times plus two small snacks.

Have you tried raw
cauliflower? it's yummy, crunchy and filling. I love raw cabbage
too...cut into wedges. Zucchini sticks.

Another idea -
french fry alternative...cut potatoes into wedges (I like mine on
the thinner side, they get crispier)...spray with pam on all side -
season with some BAM! or other all purpose seasoning....then put in
oven on 450 degrees until they are nice and brown....they crisp up
once they are out of the oven. leave skin on for fiber and flavor
(I use red skins). I love these more than regular fries now...the
kids love them too.

anyway, those are
my favorites....if you find any good ones, let me know!

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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rising - thanks so much for taking the time to give me those
recipe ideas. I have checked on the internet and I get a little
overwhelmed. Like to hear from a real person if the recipe worked
or not and if it was flavorful.

I do eat a lot of
chicken and need new ways to cook it, so thanks for
that.

I can see I just
have to start thinking about ingredients and how I can make over
recipes to be more healthy options. In the past this is something
that would trip me up, having to spend so much time thinking and
planning what to eat. In time I'm sure it will become
easier.

Had a victory
moment today. The woman at the gas station asked me what I was
doing to lose weight. She said she could tell I was losing. That is
the first person to notice so I was pretty high on my way to work
today.

I am also wearing
a shirt that was too tight a month ago. Have to celebrate those
small victories.

If I come up with
some great recipe I will be sure to let you know. Have a super
day.

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I
noticed that even tho I am stalling on the scale, my inches are
shrinking slowly and small victory was getting into prepregnancy
clothing and having my boss get a huge ass grin when I wore a
prepreggo outfit to work one day...it was the outfits I wore when I
first started working there....he approved!!!

anyway....another
thing that is filling - baked potato - with low fat sour cream...I
didn't think I would like reduced fat sour cream, but I do...just
make sure to watch portion size....make a smaller potato so the
sour cream doesn't look skimpy on the bigger potato!!!

I agree with you
about the recipes - I tried on from weight watchers - it was a mac
and cheez with brocolli you bake in oven...LOOKED yummy - but was
time consuming and was so far from good, it was GROSS! part of the
problem I later learned was that my oven did not get up to temp, so
it didn't bake well...but still, the "cheese sauce" was more like a
white sauce and was not tasty to begin with...also tried a baked
chicken with fresh herbs....and was NOT impressed - it's going to
take time to get used to fresh herbs I think - their strong
flavor.

instead of high
calorie bbq sauces - you could explore BBQ rubs - they still have
sugars in them, but much smaller quantities...and on pork chops
(lean), they are good on the grill.

also another thing
that DOES work for me now, but didn't before - I use a smaller
plate...which helps me keep my portions smaller....AND I don't cook
more than the amount of portions I need - so I am not tempted to go
back for leftovers.

July 19, 2010
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StronginHim77
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Ah.
Losing weight. HUGE topic. I have found a sure-fire method for
dropping weight.

1. Use smaller
plates and NEVER refill them. (I use a "bread/sandwich" size plate,
rather than a dinner plate.)

2. Eat a healthy,
lo-fat breakfast. I have a protein shake with skim milk and some
oatmeal or cheerios (also with skim milk).

3. Eat the "main"
meal in the middle of the day. (Again, this is what works for me.)
I have my "dinner" around 1:00 PM.

4. NO SALT. NO
DIET SODA (same reason...too much sodium).

5. Last "meal" of
the day is always eaten BEFORE 7 PM and it is light: yogurt &
cereal...a few shrimp with a piece of toast. Lo-fat and lo-cal, but
some protein to keep me from feeling hungry.

6. Drink water.
Lots of it...all day long and with meals. My only other beverage is
skim milk.

7. Keep protein
portions SMALL (4 to 6 ounces, at the most).

8. No red meat,
regardless of fat percentage.

9. White chicken
meat (skin removed) or fish,'

10. Nothing
fried.

11. No
sugar.

12. No oils,
butters or margarines.

13. Only 1 slice
of whole wheat bread per day...MAXIMUM.

14. Ratio of
vegetables to meat on my plate: 6:1.

15. Easy on the
white potatoes. They contain alot of starch which converts to
sugar. Ditto white bread, white rice and corn.

16. Easy on the
fruit. Moderate portions, since all fruit contains fructose which
converts to sugar.

17. Dairy
products? Only if they are fat free. 2% milk is LOADED with fat. So
is reduced fat sour cream. My target fat intake is BELOW 30 grams
per day. And I try to keep those fats HEALTHY ones.

18. If it comes
from a can or a box, don't eat it. It is a processed food which
means salt, preservatives, etc.

This is a
foolproof method for losing weight. It basically means food is no
longer the center of my life when I live like this. It all tastes
kinda boring, so I only eat when I'm HUNGRY. And I eat smaller
portions...again, only eating till my hunger is
satisfied.

Oh, nearly forgot
my last helpful tip: eat SLOWLY. And always eat sitting
down...never standing up or walking about. Put down the fork
between bites. Chew the food slowly. Give your stomach time to send
the "I'm getting full" signal to your brain. Most overweight people
I know eat VERY rapidly. (I used to, till I re-trained myself to
slow down. Now, I am always the last person at the table to
finish.)

Hope some of this
helps...

- Ma

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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Completely forgot. As we eat more sensibly, we also need to
increase our activity level. I started out with walking. Swimming
is a great alternative. Pilates WORK.

Now, I have joined
my local Curves and work out 3X a week. Love it there cause it's
real women who join. Not a size 2 "Barbie Doll" in sight. Just
normal women of all ages, trying to improve their health and energy
level.

So, don't leave
out the activity factor. Find SOMETHING you can do...and DO
IT.

- Ma

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Rising - congrats on the prepregnancy clothes. That is a
victory. Also, thanks for the tips. I have been using a smaller
plate and only cooking enough for whomever is eating at the
time.

I have to admit it
is going easier than I thought. I am sleeping better, feeling less
groggy in the morning, no afternoon sluggishness from too much
sugar. I am taking time to recognize and appreciate all of the
little things that are changing as my food intake and body
change.

Ma - Thanks so
much for sharing all of your tips. Many of them I am using and
working up to some of the others. I got some whole wheat bread this
weekend and have only had one slice. Have only eaten a potato twice
in 4 weeks. I really believe that my body responds poorly to carbs.
The evening I ate the potato I was craving food later that
evening.

Feeling healthier
is a great motivator to continue on. Learning how to process
feelings and emotions is a little tough, I don't always know what
to do with them. This weekend I was upset over something with my
sister, cried about it, realized I can't do anything about and then
just let it go. Did not run out and stuff something in my mouth to
avoid the feelings.

After work today I
am going to work on my little bike machine. Extra activity is the
new goal for this week. Each week I am adding something new and it
is less of a shock to my system.

I honestly believe
that this is finally the time that I am going to get back to a
healthy weight and stay there. Just having someone here to come and
talk with is such a huge help. Not only do you understand my food
issues, but you also know my codie problem and how it can
contribute to the eating.

Thanks so much for
all of the support. (((((((HUGS))))))

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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And I
have (regretfully) totally given up ALL buffet-style restaurants,
even my beloved Chinese buffet. I always eat more than I
should.

Also, Chinese food
(which I dearly love) is LOADED with sodium.

So, it's something
I only treat myself to once a month.

- Ma

July 19, 2010
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Total
agreement about buffets - not enough self control for me to even
risk it. Chinese is my favorite food and I hate that it has so much
sodium. I am planning to treat myself to it once a month, but only
take out. Not any all-you-can-eat temptations.

Don't really eat
out very much due to the expense, but now a lot more thought has to
go into it. Planning ahead seems to help. Most menues are online
and even have nutrition info.

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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I
have said it before and will say it again...go check out
Realage.com. They have easy meal plans. Cook everything on the
first week and freeze portions that you don't eat. Week two cook
everything and freeze the portions you don't eat. It will cost a
bit in the beginning but as you have lunches and dinners to pull
out of the freezer I find that for just me I can stretch the meals
about a month and a half.

Also take the
test. When I first took the test I was 40 and my "realage" was 46.
Now I am 42 and my "real age is 40!

Bitsy

July 19, 2010
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risingfromtheashes
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mastrong - I love your tips - HOWEVER - it's not something
someone like me can just jump right into.

That is why I like
weight watchers...cuz I know what the goal is (to eat by your tips)
but also know that I need to get there in steps.

As for things that
are "no good" for me...ie china buffet, red meat, etc...I am
finding that if I totally eliminate them - I crave them - so
instead, I allow myself them - IN MODERATION - and don't feel like
I am sacrificing. My ULTIMATE goal is to not want them - to feed
myself for energy and not for emotions/taste, etc...BUT, I can't be
"there" yet.

I think everything
I read says that if you don't allow yourself those forbidden foods
on some occasion, you are more likely to binge or cheat - and beat
yourself up for it...if you allow yourself these forbidden foods,
you eventually stop craving them. the more you make the forbidden,
the more likely you are to want them and binge on them (for me
anyway).

someday food will
not be a source of pleasure, but I really am still resistant to
that notion - food is the ONLY pleasure I have - no sex, no
alcohol, no whatever...maybe I will someday be able to turn
exercise into that kind of pleasure.

Just rambling
here....your ideas are good ones - but they really make my internal
voice go "NO WAY - NO HOW!"

I do love fish and
chicken, and I do follow many of your advice already, but some I
just can't get to right now.

maybe in
time.

as far as buffets
- I find I eat MUCH less now than I ever used to...so I don't even
consider it bingeing...more like normal overeating, like
thanksgiving. And it's a rare treat...couple of times a
year.

July 19, 2010
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Bitsy
- thanks for the tip about realage. I will certainly check that
out.

Rising - I know
how you feel about the "off limits" foods. Each person has to seek
out the plan or program that works for them.

For me right now
there are things I have to stay away from because I have finally
figured out that my body does not process them well. Simple carbs
bloat me up and make me feel lethargic.

So far I haven't
had any binge cravings. More for me has been bored or stressed
urges to eat. I am learning that if I eat certain foods tho it will
trigger cravings. That is what has helped me to stay away from
those things.

I do admire your
ability to go to a buffet and not over do it. That kind of control
is not in me yet. Kind of like when I gave up drinking I just had
to stay away from it all together for years. Now I can have a glass
of wine and not over do it.

HOpefully some day
I will be that way with food as well.

My daughter made a
great salad for dinner tonight. Lots and lots of veggies and
grilled chicken. It was nice to have it ready when I got off of
work.

Will let you know
when I try a new recipe. Going to check out that realage website
and see what that says. Should be interesting. I am 46 and it will
probably tell me I am 70, lol.

July 19, 2010
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Bitsy
-

I really enjoyed
taking the RealAge Test. I am sixty...and came out 51.2 years in
RealAge. That encouraged me SOOOOO much.

Rising
-

I do understand.
No one can change their relationship with food overnight. I sure
haven't. I still have struggles in that department. But I am really
touched to see your realistic and honest approach. It WILL
work.

Curious
-

Yup. You will go
through a season of experimentation, learning which foods trigger
cravings...hunger...a desire to binge...fatigue, etc. My biggest
"no-no's" are red meat, dairy and sugar/white food. The rest is all
negotiable. Do I cheat? No. I never feel deprived. But I must
honestly share that it took me a stretch of healthy eating, before
the UNHEALTHY stuff's negatives outweighed the positives of eating
it.

We are all trying
our best to do better...for our bodies...for our emotional
recovery. And that is what counts. Everyone has to walk to the beat
of a different drummer. But how good that we can share one
another's victories and struggles...makes it so much
easier.

- Ma

July 20, 2010
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Hi
curious,

I've been
following along on your thread, but have not had much of a chance
to write.

My brother and his
family were over here to visit yesterday. I played cards with my
nephew. He will be 5 next month and will be starting kindergarten,
he is so excited. My sister-in-law had been sick all last week. She
was feeling better, but still coughing.

My Dad is back
here at the house. He had been away for a couple of months. He has
another home in another state and goes back and forth. Now the
house is not very quiet! I think he is getting hard of hearing and
turns the tv up way too loud.

I need to try to
get to the gym again. I've been so busy lately.

It sounds like you
are doing well on your progress! Keep up the good work!

July 20, 2010
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China
- Thanks for posting. I hope your sil is feeling better. Summer is
the worst time to be sick. Sometimes my house is so quiet I talk
out loud just to hear a voice. My dad is hard of hearing as well
and he even talks real loud. he is driving my mom nuts.
:0)

Hope you get a
chance to go the gym. That will help you to feel more relaxed.
Thanks for the encouragement. I need all I can get.

Ma - Glad to hear
your "realage" test came out so good. That should make you feel
great.

I'm struggling a
bit tonight. Not really sure why. Feeling a little down and feeling
like eating. Good thing I have some carrots with my name on
them.

Every day is a
battle, some easier than others.

July 21, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Really stressed today, work is making me crazy. No pun intended
since I work for a cmhc. :0)

Hope that everyone
is doing well today. It is still so hot here that it seems to be
making us all a little on edge. Trying to plan a 3 or 4 day trip to
the beach, but it isn't going well. Money is short and the rooms we
can afford are all booked. Planning to take my 2 kids and my
daughter's boyfriend. While attending college he works part-time
for a hotel chain and can get us a good room for 30 bucks, but each
hotel only has 2 employee rooms so we are having trouble finding a
place.

My stressed out
mind really needs a little vacation. Haven't had one in a really
long time. I know it was before I had my dog and I have had her for
5 years.

My son still
hasn't even gotten an interview for a teaching job and is getting
really discouraged.

Daughter will be
starting a new college on a new career path next month and I am
hoping that goes well.

So far, doing okay
not feeding emotions, but the desire is there. Just drown my
troubles in chocolate :0) Instead I am going to have the watermelon
I brought with me.

(((((HUGS)))))

July 21, 2010
12:00 am
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haythere
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September 30, 2010
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Hi
curious, Good to hear you are still hanging in there with the diet.
I actually think the summer time is an easier time to diet what
with the warmer weather. Cold weather seems to make me feel
hungrier, maybe our bodies need more calories to stay
warm?

Your used to
feeding your emotions, so it will take some time to retrain that
impulse. You might consider taking up a hobby that keeps your hands
busy? Sewing, stitchery, knitting, doing some kind of crafts? Where
I live the city's usually have programs each season and offer
affordable classes for different types of crafts, or your local
fabric/craft store might have classes your could take?

Vacation, we
haven't had a proper vaction in about 3 years. A couple of long
weekend getaways and thats about it.

If you can get the
great deal on the hotel rooms, go for it. But if you have to
regroup and do something different, you may want to see what kind
of deal you could get on a cabin/condo that could fit all of you.
Having a kitchen while on vacation makes it easier to stick to a
diet and you save a ton of money over eating 3 meals a day out. Go
out for a couple of nice meals and then you can prepare (everyone
can help) the rest of your meals. This works well for us, and we
seem to enjoy the meals we eat out more.

You've gotten tons
of good advice on food choices and dieting tips. You will find the
right combo for you. And don't totally deprive yourself, treat
yourself once in awhile. Frozen yogurt with fresh fruit toppings is
one of my favorties and its not too bad for me, it only tastes like
it is. (((hugs)))

July 21, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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curious,

I picked up a new
book last night at B&N (like I need any more! ha
ha!)

It is a new one by
Geneen Roth called "Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to
Almost Everything".

It talks about
developing a new, healthy relationship with food and with our
bodies.

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