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really need some encouragement....curious64
July 11, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Haythere - I have to make sure to work in more protein. I have
really been hungry a lot.

Going to try some
flavored waters. I wish i could do plain tea, but it just isn't
good. Hopefully I will find something besides plain water. Thanks
for the suggestion.

We have been many
rounds with my sister. Just wish she could find some happiness
within herself and stop making everyone else so
miserable.

My kids have a
great relationship with both of my parents. We went over there
today and put up corn from the garden. We have been doing that
since my grandparents were alive. Kid of tradition. I sent my
sister a fb message telling her it looked like she had a good
vacation and told her about mom not feeling well this week. She did
call mom and ask how she was doing, but was here usual condesending
self. Either way, mom was glad she called.

My mom has already
lived a year longer than her father so it is always in her mind. I
hope she has many more wonderful years, but one never
knows.

I'm really proud
of myself for not getting down in the mud with my sister this time
around. That is quite an acheivment for me. Maybe someday she will
figure out how to battle her own demons, but for now I just can't
let her overwhelm me.

Thanks for posting
. I hope that you are doing well.

July 12, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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Hey,
Curious...

Just wanted to see
how you were doing with your healthy eating plan? Were you able to
resist the diet sodas today? That's a tough one. Hoping you made
it.

If not, tackle it
again tomorrow.

- Ma

July 13, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Ma -
Thanks for checking in. The healthy eating is still going well.
Almost made it with no diet coke. I nursed one for a while and
didn't finish it, but it just felt good having it on my
desk.

Starting off with
water today. Just walked into work and there are these beautiful
cupcakes sitting there for the staff. I admired the cool way they
were decorated with little marshmellows and moved on.

Was running late
this morning and haven't had any breakfast, but I have oatmeal in
my desk.

Thanks so much for
checking in. You can't imagine how much it helps to have support.
((((hugs))))

July 13, 2010
12:00 am
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Curious I will add my support if it will help. I am on vacation
this week and am not worrying about alcohol and food consumption
but next week when I get home it will be a different story. I am
going back on my healthy eating plan.

Bitsy

July 13, 2010
12:00 am
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atalose
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Curious,

Good for you for
not getting into the mud with your sister! It’s amazing how when WE
change our reactions, others change their drama. Sounds like if you
continue to “not go there” with your sister she will not overwhelm
you anymore. I’ve noticed that certain types of people – drama
drawn people tend to move on quickly when others do not react to
them in the way they seek.

I had a relapse
this past weekend with “diet soda” for some reason I decided I
wanted a diet orange soda so I bought a little bottle which then
lead me to buy a bigger bottle the next day. I drank it all over
the weekend and my whole “good” diet went to crap. I got on the
scale this morning and I am up almost 5 pounds. Now I can’t totally
blame it on the diet soda, the candy, ice cream and cheese and
crackers didn’t help at all!!! LOL I seem to have lost my will
power and need to get it back and quickly!!!!

Tonight I have my
Zumba class and that is a great workout so I am hoping to get back
on the horse and get my “comfort” foods under control.

With me when my
finances seem to go askew so does my diet and exercise. In the past
I was always able to walk off my stress but now I am totally out of
my exercise routine and daily walking.

I think it all
comes down to making time for me, keeping my goals at the top of my
list instead of everyone else.

Hang in there, you
are not alone that is for sure………

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 13, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Bitsy
- Thanks for the offer of support. I can take all I can get. I
appreciate that.

Atalose - The
temptations continued today. I walked back to my mailbox and there
was a tray of my favorite cookies. Again I resisted, but it was
hard.

I totally
understand eating for comfort, especially when I have financial
problems, which is a lot. I am trying very hard to be aware of it
and not give in to emotional eating.

I have to say the
cravings are better since I gave up the sugar and simple carbs.
Still there are moments, when I just want to stop thinking so much
about it and eat mindlessly. I compare that to wanting to go hang
out with my ex. That helps to remind me how stupid it would be
.

THere really
aren't words that can express my gratitude for the support here.
Thank you so much.

July 13, 2010
12:00 am
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haythere
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Hi
curious, sounds like you are making smart food choices. Its much
easier to not take that cupcake or cookie, than take it with the
intention of taking only a taste or a bite. Better to leave the
stuff alone. Yes, I know so easy to say, but hard to do. If you
stick with the healthy eating, believe me, the sweets won't be so
hard to resist and you will find that sweets probably will make you
feel kind of yucky after you eat them....all that processed
sugar.

Keep taking care
of yourself, your doing a great job and the decisions you are
making for yourself, like not getting drug into mud with your
sister, reflect that. (((hugs)))

July 14, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Haythere - I noticed this morning that I am feeling better in
the morning getting up for work. Don't get me wrong my knee and my
heel are still giving me trouble, but my mental alertness is
starting to improve.

The cravings are
getting less and less and I am even doing well with limiting my
sodium intake. Never thought I could eat a tomato without
it.

My mom is still
stressing over my sister. She called me crying this morning because
yesterday she was driving my daughter's car and scraped some paint
on the bottom when she backed over a curb. Bless her heart, I told
her not to worry about it, it is just a car and we can touch up the
paint. Besides, her and my dad bought the car for my daughter so
really no big deal. But she is so stressed about my sister that
little things are bothering her more.

I wish I could
have a rational talk with my sister about this, but she isn't
mature enough to have an adult conversation with.

Well, I better
start my work day. Lots to do, big changes coming in my field. Hope
everyone has a great day.

Bitsy - Any dreams
last night?

((((HUGS TO
ALL))))

July 14, 2010
12:00 am
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Hey
Guys, I have made the most amazing discovery this week. It is
transdermal magnesium spray. A friend that I am spending a week
with goes to a doctor who gave up his medical practice because of
insurance not allowing certain procedures. He using a lot of herbs,
vitamins, and minerals, along with regular medicine. He uses a
compounding pharmacist, etc. Anyway her magnesium levels have been
low and taking it in pill form was not working so she found this
and the doctor agreed it was good. It is also good for aches and
pains and I have put it on my injured shoulder this week and you
wouldn't believe the difference. Might be worth a try with those
arthritic knees and such.

Bitsy

July 14, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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You
are doing great! Sugar is a seriously addictive substance, although
sugar manufacturers try to cover up that fact. It is present in so
many things we eat: ketchup, peanut butter, salad dressing,
processed foods, cereals, crackers...EVERYTHING. I learned to read
the labels. If the ingredients included anything ending in "OSE,"
it was code for "sugar."

It took me about a
week to kick the sugar addiction. Whenever I eat sugar today, it
re-triggers the addiction for a few days. (Same thing with
chocolate!). I will find myself craving it for several days
afterward.

Chocolate contains
a double-whammy: caffeine AND sugar...both addictive. The colas you
have been loving are high in caffeine (as well as sodium). The
combination actually TRIGGERS your appetite, rather than
suppressing it. It also increases your fluid retention issues. You
may experience some mild headaches or uneasiness while withdrawing
from caffeine in those colas. It passes in a few days. Just drink a
ton of water, to help flush it out of your system.

Can't believe your
office co-workers are so blatant and inconsiderate about the "sugar
displays." Keep walking past them. Personally, I think people who
do that are inconsiderate of others who are trying to eat
healthily. Why shove temptation to eat garbage right under
someone's nose???

As your continue
to resist sugar consumption in ANY form, your craving for it will
fade and disappear. In fact, you reach a point where eating the
stuff actually makes you feel unwell. Kinda like losing tolerance
for it. If I eat a few bites of dessert after a nice dinner out
these days, I feel lousy for the rest of the evening because of the
sugar.

I am glad you have
such a kind relationship with your mother; however, I hope you can
resist trying to "fix" the mess between her and your sister. That
is classic for all us recovering codies. We want to rescue, fix,
soothe, repair, comfort and help EVERYBODY. But the Truth? That is
unhealthy behavior. It is not our responsibility to do this. Your
mother has to learn to draw her own, healthy boundaries with your
sister. Once she does, your sister's behavior(s) will actually
change...for the better. We only do to others what we are ALLOWED
to do.

Gotta get some
work done here, but wanted to applaud your wonderful progress and
give you some encouragement.

Have a great day
and put on blinders while walking around that office.

- Ma
Strong

July 14, 2010
12:00 am
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Forgot to ask...how are you doing on increasing your physical
activity level? Swimming (or other low-impact) exercise would
probably be ideal for you. Just overcome the dread of PUTTING ON
THE BATHING SUIT. (That was always MY biggest struggle in the
swimming department.)

I am hoping that
-- the more weight you drop -- the greater improvement you will see
in joint and foot pain. Alot of it may be due to toting around
excess pounds. Years ago, I weighed forty pounds more than I do at
present. It made a HUGE difference in my health. My blood pressure
was higher. My feet and hips would hurt alot. I had to limit my
walking. I also had very little energy.

Dropping just that
small amount (40 lbs.) made such a positive, noticeable difference
in how I felt. So keep up the great effort. You will feel subtle,
but definite, improvements with each, passing week.
AND...(huge!!)...you will feel better about yourself.

- Ma

July 14, 2010
12:00 am
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Bitsy
- Thanks for the tip. Where do you get this, health food store? So
you just spray it on the area that hurts? I believe there are a lot
of natural remedies out there that could do us more good than the
man-made stuff, but they just don't want us to know it.

Ma - I think I am
getting over the sugar craving, but man this diet coke thing is
tougher because it causes a headache. Trying to drink a lot of
water.

Yeah, the
co-workers can be quite hard on one's efforts to eat healthy. Seems
like this week has been loaded with temptations, more than normal.
I stopped this morning and got an egg white on wheat english muffin
with tomato at a local place and I got to work, looked in my bag
and there was a chocolate chip cookie in there, still warm from the
oven. Not sure how it got in there. I just took it out and asked my
co-worker if she would like to have it and she was excited to get
it.

I know my mom
needs to begin to set her own boundaries and not let my sister get
to her so badly, but is is hard to just sit back and watch her
hurting. For years my sister has been this person that everyone
walks on eggshells around because she can blow up in an instant and
she goes straight for the throat. I have tried sharing with my mom
some of my discoveries and success and hoping maybe she will find
something in that to use for herself.

I am working in
more activity little by little. They just closed the pool at the Y
for repairs, going to be a couple of months before it is back open.
Working with some light hand-weights at home, pedaling away on my
little gizmo(not a whole bike). Also doing my leg strengthening
exercises from the therapist.

It appears today
that I am finally beginning to notice some differences. I am more
alert, not nearly as sluggish. It is great to not be a slave to a
craving. No more sitting at home at night going nuts because I want
something sweet so bad. Noticed this morning that my work outfit
was hanging a little more loosely. Hopefully soon I will feel some
differences in my physcial pains.

Hope that you are
doing well. I think I read some place that you were moving. Have
you found a place? Hope that is all working out okay for
you.

Wishing you all a
splendid day. Find a place to keep cool. ((hugs))

July 15, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Ma,
Bitsy, atalose, haythere - Hope I didn't miss anyone. Just wanted
to pop in and say I hope that you have a great weekend and have
some place to remain cool.

July 15, 2010
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I
live in Florida which means EVERYTHING in air conditioned (cars,
stores, homes, EVERYWHERE).

So, I am always
cool and comfortable.

Have a great
weekend!

- Ma

July 15, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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curious -

about those heels
- first off, being overweight is devestating to the feet - any
amount you loose will help.

IN THE MEANTIME -
you may need orthotics to relieve the pressure on your heels -
which is causing a condition called plantar fasciitis. Also a good
motion control/stability sneaker (brooks adrenaline or asics GT2150
are the ones I use) may be in order - they are expensive and best
fitted at a running supply store, as they will evaluate what your
needs are.

Ice - fill water
bottle with water and freeze - when feet/heels hurt - roll the
bottom of your foot over the ice for 20 minutes at a time, or as
much as you can tolerate.

Drugs - you can
get a script for an anti-inflammatory, but alleve may work, or
ibuprofen. Also, cortisone shots are often prescribed, but I had a
HORRIFIC experience that left me in a cast because of them - and
would NEVER do it again...it's a bandaid anyway - only a short term
problem.

At night - you can
wear a brace or tape your foot - do a google search for ideas
(plenty out there). Also, you can tape or use ace wraps made for
plantar fasciitis.

In the morning,
don't get out of bed before stretching your feet/legs - reach down
and pull your toes up toward you and stretch the tendon in the
bottom of your foot - alternate flexing and pointing your
foot.

To strengthen your
legs/arch - stand on the edge of a stair step, on the ball of your
toes and raise yourself up and down. Also look for exercises online
for calf, and hamstring exercises.

I joined a runners
website that promotes a program called couch to 5K - and it has
lots of info on heel pain. google couch to 5K and you should find
it easy enough (don't have it handy myself).

As far as primary
cares referring you for everything - these days the insurance
companies have so many regulations that primary care docs cannot
fufill all your needs. Either they aren't paid enough or must refer
you. And honestly, if it were me - I would go to a podiatrist for
my feet before I would trust my primary care. As for your thyroid -
I would also want a specialist to evaluate me - cuz evaluating the
test results of a thyroid issue can be complicated. As for the
depression - alot of docs are just naturally inclined to throw a
script out there.

I think if you
tackle the weight loss, alot of this will improve on it's own, but
in time, you may need a short term fix until you get yourself to a
better place of wellness.

The crap in diet
coke can cause/increase migraines - and withdrawl can be a
bitch...take it slow...and know that the nutrasweet in it has
significant impact on your health - in a very very bad
way.

July 15, 2010
12:00 am
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curious - I need someone to be accountable to - what do you
think about coming up with some goals between us and working at
them together?

I am finding that
now that I am working, my old habits are creeping back into play -
meaning soda and junk instead of planning/cooking healthy meals -
and being lazy once I am home instead of tidying up and doing stuff
with my son and exercising.

So - I need
someone to buddy up with?

Anyone else wanna
start something? If we do, would it need to be on libs
side?

I know that for me
- I need to be accountable about things I don't like admitting to
others - like my eating habits and choices...and other things that
I find I am ashamed and feel guilty about....I need to work on NOT
feeling guilty or ashamed - and changing my behaviors so that I
have nothing to feel that way about either.

My goal is to try
the couch to 5K program...and have my treadmill ready to go - but
worry my other health issues may be a problem.

I start nursing in
september - and will need to be on my feet alot - and worried I
won't be up to it. I have a desk job now...and still feel like crap
at the end of the day.

I lost 30 some
pounds since january...weight watchers got me started - and I may
keep up with the points system....but I really need to focus on the
emotional reasons I eat (and work thru them), as well as start
exercising and valuing myself enough to put ME first and just "do
it".

I have a jillian
michael's offer that is real cheap too, not sure if I want to try
it or not....I just need to get moving and STOP MAKING EXCUSES and
STOP PROCRASTINATING.

Maybe having
people here who I can be "open" with would help.

July 15, 2010
12:00 am
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haythere
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Hi
curious

30 years ago I
weighed 25-30 pounds more than I do now. And when I finally decided
to get rid of the weight, I did alot of the same stuff you are
doing now. Basically I changed my eating habits and made smarter
food choices. Anyway, I think the thing that thrilled me the most
about losing weight was not necessarily what the scale said (I had
dieted myself dangerously thin in high school, that is another
story), but how my clothes felt, the looser they were the more
motivated I became.....time to get new clothes in a smaller size
AND I got rid of the fat clothes because I never wanted to be that
heavy again (except for my 2 pregnancies). So congrats to you on
the looser work clothes, that is awesome! And I'm glad you are
feeling more alert and generally better, another good pay-off for
eating healthy.

A little piece of
information I heard a few years back that really made me think
about when and what I was eating. I don't remember the exact
phrasing, but basically when people where asked why they eat, thin
people answered "because they were hungry", overweight people ate
for lots of reasons, none of which had to do with being hungry.
Anyway, it kind of blew me away when I heard that.

As for the
weather, it has finally gotten hot here in Socal. Luckily we have
A/C at work and at home and we have a swimming pool too. I haven't
been in yet, but maybe this weekend if the weather stays hot. Hope
everyone stays cool and comfy and has a fun week end.

July 15, 2010
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Ma-
Glad to hear you are able to keep cool. Here in Southern Indiana it
has been hot for a long time, heat indices in the 100's. My home is
out in the sun and my air has a hard time keeping up.

Rising - Thanks
for all of the information about the heel pain. I have tried some
of those things, but maybe if I put it all together it will help. I
do think I need to get a good shoes with a good arch support. My
weight loss is less about my appearance and more about feeling
better.

I would love to be
accounability and confession(lol) buddies. If you will start
something on the lib side I will chime right in with you. One of
the things I have to face is why I am afraid of losing weight.
Facing issues instead of hiding behind my size.

Haythere -
congrats on losing the weight and keeping it off. That is really
something you should be proud of. I am already feeling some
looseness in my close and am really excited to get to the point
where I need to go down a size. This time I will do that. Last time
I lost 85 lbs I was wearing pants that looked like clown pants.
Didn't think enough of myself then to buy new ones. This time my
thinking is different and I can't wait to spend a little money on
myself.

You are right, I
eat or did eat for all of the wrong reasons, the past 4 weeks I
have been hungry more than I have in the last 4 years
:0)

I'm so thankful I
found this site and I am so happy to have met all of you. There
just doesn't seem to be the right words to let you all know how
much you have helped me. I know that we will all continue to be
there for each other and we will be healthy, happier, stronger
people for it. ((((hugs))))

July 15, 2010
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risingfromtheashes
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curious - the plantar fasciitis, you really need to stay on top
of it, and not stop what you are doing - and yeah, it's a war, so
you have to hit it with all guns blazing.

I read on the
runner's website that the real key is strengthening the legs, calfs
and all the other structures that support that area. For me, I
think my body mechanics are off and I am even trying to "relearn"
how to walk and even learn how to run (picking up my feet instead
of shuffling).

The right shoes is
CRITICAL - at least in the short term. Because it's an inflammation
- you need to allow the feet to heal. But since you can't really
avoid being on them - it's hard. One thing my podiatrist told me
was that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES was I to be without my "support
shoes" EVER, until the inflammation was reduced. If my feet were on
the floor, they were to be in my sneakers. I would have to put them
on the minute I swung my feet out of bed - looked pretty cool with
my nightgown!!! But it was what I had to do. I did wear the
nightsplint and tho it hindered any type of sharing of a bed with
anyone, it did help - was a pain tho cuz I am a tummy sleeper and I
couldn't sleep on my tummy with the splint. But at least my feet
didn't feel like the tendons were tearing every time I stepped out
of bed.

Get the
inflammation under control - at any cost. You may also want to
consider seeing a chiropractor to make sure you are aligned. If
your back is off, your feet are off - and so forth...it's a catch
22 - but really have to have both in working order. I have hard
orthotics, and they are blessings, but as I noted, I am trying to
work away from my dependency on them. I don't have inflammation
right now, so I go barefoot as much as possible and use the motion
control sneakers all the time (hard when I need to wear dress shoes
to work).

My goal is to be
able to work without them...someday!

My weight loss is
NO LONGER about looks, cuz I know I am cute. I need to be fit and
active and have the lifestyle I long for (hiking, camping,
backpacking, etc).

I also like your
note about figuring out why you are avoiding it, hiding from it and
don't want to succeed subconciously. I think that's the point I am
at...what is holding me back, why do I hide behind it and what can
I change to make me more successful.

I took a stress
management course this last semester and it really spurred me to
move forward with paying attention to my health. I have conquered
much of my mental stress, but am KILLING ME with the physical crap
I am doing to my body.

The time has come
to move one step forward.

I will meet you on
libs...I have to work for the next two days, but I will be there by
sunday, with some kind of plan of action.

July 15, 2010
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risingfromtheashes
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you
know...once I figure out why I avoid success in my health, I may
figure out why I avoid successful relationships too!...something to
ponder anyway.

July 16, 2010
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Rising - You are right about plantar fascitis being a war. You
do have to hit it with everything. My mom battled it for a long
time, had the shots, night splints, shoes, stretches etc. I have
had problems with it before, but never this bad or this long. I did
figure out that my favorit pair of shoes was making it worse. Going
this weekend to see about a new shoe.

I may need to see
a chiropractor because with my arthritic knee I do have a bit of an
altered gait so, I am probably out of alignment in my hips and
back.

I like what you
said about knowing you are cute. I am trying to find things about
my physical appearance that I can like. My eyes are pretty cute and
I have nice hair. Kind of worry about how my skin is going to
respond to 100 lb weight loss. But I'm going to feel so much
better, I will live with the wrinkles.

I know that I have
used my weight as a way to not worry about being in a relationship
and used it as an excuse why men don't show interest in me. The
real truth is that if I get to a better, healthier weight I will
attract men because I am an attractive woman. Since I have always
felt my picker was broken it was just easier to avoid dating. My ex
and I were apart for 15 years and I never dated a single person.
Then 4 years ago we got back together and I thought he was
safe(long story).

So, I am really
looking forward to our new journey on the lib side. I'm anxious to
begin to discover things about myself and to have a partner to go
through this weight battle with. I have a long way to go so I hope
you have some stamina :0)

Have a great day
and I will look forward to hearing from you soon.

July 17, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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Anybody around? I am having a rough day. Being flooded with
some emotions and trying very hard to just feel them and not feed
them.

Watched the movie
the Ya Ya Sisterhood and found myself feeling very sad afterward.
Thinking how I wish I had friends like that, wondering why I never
did. Wishing I was close to my sister so we could be friends.
Crying out to God and asking why my life has always had to be so
lonely.

I know I will
probably feel better tomorrow, but for today I am pretty low.
Loneliness is not my friend.

July 17, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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I'm
around, Curious. Fire away.

Loneliness is bad,
but BEING ALONE can be an enriching and enjoyable experience. I
guess it depends upon our mindset at the time.

Once in awhile, I
do feel lonely. When that hits, I find someone else to support or
encourage. I try to get involved in OTHERS, rather than isolating
and going into a pity party.

It is impossible
to feel lonely, if we are actively helping others.

I have come to
cherish my "alone time." In fact I go nuts without it. Each day, I
need time for reading, pondering, [email protected] and meditating. Quiet
time by myself. Without it, I am useless to others. It is during
those alone times that I recharge my emotional and spiritual
batteries. Then, I am ready to reach out to others.

- Ma

July 17, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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Curious -

my biggest worry
with ANY weight, but more at a smaller size - is that I will not be
able to "spot" a guy who is interested for the "right"
reasons...meaning for me and not for sex. I didn't date at all in
high school - my dad sheltered me...so I have ZERO dating
skills.

So, I figured if
they liked me fat, they liked me for ME not for my body.

In my wise old
age, I NOW realize that alot of men will sleep with a fat girl and
they are even EASIER to prey on - and that I am more
vulnerable...and NOT safe, even as a fatty.

So, I have to work
on my picker. I have to work on my dating skills. I have to work on
being patient and not wanting instant gratification. I have to work
on ALOT of things.

I am having a VERY
stressful week. My ex is driving me crazy with visitation issues.
My finances are in a state of limbo that is making me very panick
stricken. My grandma's health is in jeopardy. My financial aid for
college is in jeopardy (and limbo).

So many unknowns.
I want to "cut and run" - run from all this crap - but have no
place to go. I have ZERO family and only one close friend here, but
she is tied up with her own shit and prolly tired of being the only
one I lean on.

I AM working and
very satisfied by it. I AM losing inches somehow and got into my
pre-pregnancy clothes (he is 2 1/2 years old now)...I am looking
kind of cute...tho I did notice my face looks wrinkly and "lumpy"
(hard to explain)....but my skin doesn't look nice anymore. But I
will continue to work on the weight loss.

I did find myself
bingeing a "little" this week - meaning eating a little more than I
should of all the wrong things. I had a really BAD binge a few
weeks ago and really kicked myself in the ass for many days after.
I don't binge - just overeat to an extreme. I know I am doing it,
know it's coming, and hate myself after, but do it anyway. Kind of
like an alcoholic taking a drink.

Anyway, I am
maintaining a decent number on the scale, in terms of not regaining
all my hard earned losses. but I need to get below the next
hurdle.

I started out
needing to lose 110 lbs. Now I need to lose 80 more - so it's going
to be a long struggle. Trying to work and go to school will be
tough, but the routine may work in my favor...maybe. Unstructured
time is the worst for me.

I miss my
mommy....she is so far away and the vacation I looked forward to
looks like it's gonna be cancelled ddue to finances and having to
work...it makes me sad and hasn't really sunk in or I haven't
accepted the fact yet...but not sure how to make it all
work.

I KNOW this is all
gonna fall into place some how, some way....but for today, the in
limbo thing is making me looney tunes....I just want to retreat
into a corner in fetal position.

But I have kids
that need me...so life moves forward.

I am here, and
will be back later.

July 17, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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September 24, 2010
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Ma/Rising

well dang it, I
just type a really long reply and comments and my computer fouled
up and lost it. I hate when that happens.

In brief, haven't
binged yet. Stiff feeling lonely. Depressed my vacation plans are
not going to happen due to money problems. Haven't been on a trip
in at least 5 years.

Wishing I could
rebuild a relationship with my sister. Hoping someday she will
mature. Wondering what this emotional roller coaster is really
about today. Have a sneaking feeling it could be missing feeding my
feelings.

Facing how far I
have to go, 100 lb at least. Seems like to large of a mountain to
climb, but I will keep hiking.

Will post more
later. Sending hugs and encouragement to you.

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