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Realizing I'm codependent and searching
February 11, 2006
5:09 am
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Finding Me Again
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September 29, 2010
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This is my first entry. I finally had my melt down. Currently seeing a counsler and Dr. for my depression/stress. Even took time off from work. I have been in a relationship for 13 years with an alcohlic/drug addition. I have 2 children-boys, one from a previous marriage who is adhd, and I am the primary provider for the entire family. I love him, and have even went along his path-drank with him etc. I have never been the assertive one, but one who went with everyone else to make them happy. I have forgotten about me, by trying to please everyone else all my life. Always been told I was the kind, loving person. My family has told me at times that they don't know what I'm thinking or can't tell how I'm feeling. I tend to keep my inner feelings that I think people will look down on me and my family inside...pretending that everything is ok on the outside. I have been doing that all my life since my father died when I was 7. Mom was loving, a good provider, but I always felt she was judging me...she is a perfectionist...oldest of an alcohlic father. So much more to the story to tell, but looking for self help books or support groups of any kind to find me again.

February 11, 2006
7:59 am
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startingover
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I'm a new person here, too, the conversation and support help me tremendously. The book "Codependent No More" by Beattie is excellent, as are Al-Anon meetings..I've only been to one, but I think it saved my life. Keep writing, and hang in there..you will find threads here. We're all trying hard to recover by taking care of ourselves, and developing some self-worth.

February 11, 2006
10:10 am
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hbdude2k
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September 27, 2010
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Read that book that SO said to get. I have read it 3 times and it finally clicked into my head. It will be your bible for recovery. Go to CODA.ORG and find a meeting around your area for codependency. The meetings have really helped me change my life around and I have also been going to a therapist for almost 1 year now. I go once a week to my therapist. Keep all this going and work the program and you will see your life change week by week. But all in all, start with the book. You will like it.

February 11, 2006
10:37 am
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readyforachange
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September 27, 2010
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Start with Melody Beatty's books, and alanon or coda meetings. A counselor would be good too, and posting here as much as you can. People here have been where you are, and understand. You'll find so much support. Hang in there, you are not alone, and this is the beginning, not the end!

February 16, 2006
12:21 am
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Finding Me Again
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Thank you for the book info and advise. I will go get and read it.

February 16, 2006
6:40 am
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startingover
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Finding me again,
Isn't it a curse to be that person who makes everything look so smooth and easy from the outside. I always hear how I'm so calm, never flustered, so efficient, etc.
We are kind, loving people, and we are caretakers. Unfortunately, there are people who take advantage of that - namely, addicts and other unkind types. And I believe we are somehow drawn to those people..I'm not sure why. In my own instance, I'm beginning to think I will help someone so much they will be grateful to me forever and love me forever, too. Well, they don't....addicts use you up until there's nothing left, and they're never grateful for anything you do.
Everything is not OK on the inside..you are wise to take a break. Read what you can, and write back. These are wonderful people here.

February 16, 2006
12:59 pm
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heartbeat
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September 29, 2010
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I am new to this site - just found it today. I forgot just how much insight and focus you can get by sharing with others on the same issues. I've been reading and growing for four years now and somehow fall back into that victim role. My husband is an alcoholic and even though I find this very sad for him, it's been hard for me to separate my love for him versus what he is choosing to do. What he does affects my life and those close to me. Reading your story reminds me that I must not forget to take care of me and do whatever I need to do - even if that means living my life without him.

February 16, 2006
4:19 pm
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johnnybgood
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September 24, 2010
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Hi. I am new to this site, but I need much help. My husband is a drug addict and has been more than 20 years. He's only 38 years old; I am 39. WE have a 5 year old son. He - my husband completed a drug rehab program 2 1/2 years ago. The program lasted nearly 14 months. He graduated, came home, and was back on drugs 6 weeks later. He has return to the program, 2 weeks ago, but called me today at work to come pick him up. He made it sound like something was drastically wrong, but couldn't tell me what it was because of privacy issues. I told him that I would be there around 5 o'clock today. It is now 4:20 and the place where he is is 1 hour and 15 minutes away. I'm still here - not moving. My son and I start sessions next week for counseling, but I had to know what to do (although it should seem like an easy decision). Having no one to talk to, I sat down and started pulling up info on line. Has anyone every experienced this? What did you do?

February 16, 2006
5:25 pm
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hopeful for change
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Well no one is alone at this site their are many of us here in the same situation in the present or past or both. I am married to my third addict.. so don't feel alone.

The book everyone is recommending is what has opened my eyes for sure. My ex was so strung out on coke and I was doing everything to save him, he almost died once of heart palpations and I was freaking out. I was talking to someone and they said you need to read this book. I thought it was going to be about how to save the addict. She didn't tell me anything, just gave me the book.

I felt like it was written about my life almost every single word and trait was me. It was eye opening.

I hope you rush out and get it..it's worth it's weight in gold.

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