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realization and an update chloeysmomma
November 6, 2006
3:52 am
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chloeysmomma
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it is now nov 5th and i shouldnt be complaining at all but iam and i need to get it off my chest -inlaws ~havent been talking to them so that is good and all is great on that end ~the ex boyfriend~not so great i find myself missing him more and feel like iam getting attached to him at the hip so i finally am giving up on contacting him but i dont want to but dr phil said something that stuck and i was like wow the light has come on wow dont want to admitt it to myself but iam cheating myself and my marriage from working out by staying in contact with him and wow it hit home u know i thought about it even to the men i talk to on the net that are friends i have cut them off i have no intrests in pursueing more then just a friendship from someone but i learned that when i do that i cheat not only hubby but myself the kicker its like wow that hurts ,marriage~not so good either lately hubby is tired alot dosent seem intrested in me i refuse to go to cousleing as i have tryd every trick in the book to make this marriage great iam about to sadly just throw in the towel since i feel frustrated to not be getting what i want from him sexually and its making me want to look else wear for comfort can anyone understand that and i feel bad cause iam cheating him by thinking about looking else were he dosent want to go to couseling i cant do this anymore iam confused i feel used and discarded i feel useless other then being a slave to his demands i mean i dont know what else 2 do except reread dr phils book and redo the work in it i give myself one year to get stuff together i dont see a reason for staying in a loveless marriage anymore i know he loves me and thats great but its not enough to hold me anymore i just cant do this not getting what i want sexually finically and physcially iam too young to feel dang old u know i fiqure leave now spare myself 20 yrs of same ol same ol boreing life that i live now i dont want to be like my mom it scares me literally i told hubby iam not sure if i love him anymore and he understands i just dont know what i want anymore and its heartbreaking to admit that to myself and dr phil anyways enough for now i will write later if anyone cares to respond i would appreciate it

November 6, 2006
11:12 am
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CAMER
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why not tell your hubby how you feel, and tell him in the best way possible...let him know you are not satisfied with the marriage, sex etc...and if he chooses not to go to counseling then maybe you have to take the next step for yourself, divorce?? maybe he just needs a wake up call and realize how much you are hurting. I know you cannot make him go to counseling but if he is not willing to try to make things better what other choice do you have.

Keep me posted.

((camer)))

November 7, 2006
7:18 pm
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lovetocrochet
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Well, all I can say is that they always tell people in the advice columns, if he won't go for counseling, go for yourself. You can learn communication and coping techniques from a counselor that will help you in the marriage.

Also if I may, my husband and I have gotten a lot out of Gary Smalley's material. He's a relationship guru who's done a ministry for married couples for many years now. He and his sons all do workshops and books on how to improve your marriage, as well as videos.

There's other things you can try too. If you're of Christian faith Marriage Encounter is very effective, it's basically a marriage retreat where you spend the weekend with other couples learning how to communicate using a certain technique. DH and I did this for our fifth anniversary and it was a wonderful experience.

November 8, 2006
2:54 am
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chloeysmomma
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right now that sounds good but i think iam going to dive into rereading dr phil books and analizieng my situation i blame myself for falling back instead of where i need to be but i cant blame myself totally cause he is there but he isnt and its driving me mad i either want to deffinatly leave him before 1 yr is up or i deffinatly want to try to desperatly save this marriage and just rely on all that iam right now take counseling for myself and just chill at the moment for i know the grass isnt going to get any greener on the other side and i think thats why iam scared to leave does that make sense ? plus iam not getting what i want or need and iam frustrated

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