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Readyforchange and Coda Mom please
February 23, 2005
8:21 am
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sewunique
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Are either of you out there, please?

Sew

February 23, 2005
8:45 am
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CODA_Mom
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I'm here, Sew, at least for a little bit
CM

February 23, 2005
8:51 am
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readyforachange
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I'm here too...for a few minutes before I've got to go to work.

February 23, 2005
8:53 am
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sewunique
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Saw you posting.....you have experience with counseling, I understand? Do you have any ideas with this little girl who is jigsaw, on the 'confused' thread, please? I would appreciate your input. thanks

Sew

February 23, 2005
8:56 am
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sewunique
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Great, Ready, too. Teady, does this child seem about 19 or 12 by her language and writing skills? I she is, just want to be sure as much as possibel. Any ideas?

Been tryig to find Sexual abuse hotline on line, with not much time to sign in, etc. Did get the Natl hotline number if needed> Thanks,

Sew

February 23, 2005
8:57 am
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sewunique
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err** child of 10 or 11? sorry very tired right now

February 23, 2005
8:59 am
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CODA_Mom
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Sew,

I haven't read the post, but will and will get back to you asap...system is kinda slow this morning, isn't it?

CM

February 23, 2005
9:03 am
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sewunique
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Very and many glitches, be waiting for you, thanks

February 23, 2005
9:12 am
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sewunique
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While you are out there skimming the threads, allow me to share here. Mamac has been basically leading this. I have been on another thread for stand by ideas and help back and forth between us.

so far so good. This child told her nmother, who has ot been supportive of daughter(?) Mom said this happened to her. Nothing more done about it.

School spring vacation. This child has no one to tell in the school system until returning next week. Child did tell her schoolmate, also.

Ourpose right now: validation, reassurrance this was wrong, she will not be taken away, ans so on.

Where do we go from here?

Who do and when should we suggsest she tell?

Any other ideas.

We are here for here every hour at the top of the hour. We only have a few names on the thread to keep the trust there for her.

February 23, 2005
9:17 am
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readyforachange
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sew,

yeah, I understood she was 10 years old...maybe 4th grade.

I'm staying off that thread so as not to overwhelm her.

I've posted on the thread mama started to ask for direction....I wish we knew what state she was in, but I'm preety sure things are consistent in this area. Teachers are mandated by law to report abuse of any kind, so if she tells, there will be an investigation.

I think she needs this to go slowly...all week off to process and think about her options. Just needs support right now. Wish her mom would take action, but sounds like she's a victim as well.

Wish I could offer more help....

February 23, 2005
9:30 am
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sewunique
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Thanks, ready, I agree with you. Today was the first I talked to her. I asked mama to see if she could find out which state and it spooked her. Agree about the mandates. Okay, will continue to validate, support and reassure her for now. A week is nothing, some people go for years, which we do not waant.

The number one is validating, that someone believes her.

Secondly, develop trust

Thanks, hop on the mama nd sew thread anytime you see something to be said or what evcer, when you are her, please? Thanks have a good one at work

Sew

February 23, 2005
9:37 am
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CODA_Mom
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Just got done reading the entire "confused" thread...wow, MamaC was WONDERFUL in the way she talked to her (believing her and showing her empathy), and in referring her to a teacher.

Jigsaw says she is about 11 and I believe her. Even if she is older she is still processing things the way an 11-year-old would.

Sounds as if her Mom was also abused by the grandfather and so is not reacting the way a mom normally would who was not (like an angry lioness). For this reason, she needs to keep being encouraged to find help from another adult outside the family.

In my state, anyone who suspects child abuse is required by law to report this to the Dept. of Human Services. An investigation would then be done and yes, it is possible that she would be removed from the home unless the parents can prove that they have a viable safety plan and that no contact with the grandfather can be guaranteed.

Jigsaw most likely will feel guilty and blame herself for what happened, as kids will do. She needs reassurance that she did nothing wrong and that this is not her fault. She may get scared and pull out if she starts feeling disloyal to her family, but I have a feeling that the bond she has formed with MamaC will bring her back.

I noticed that she complained about being tired a lot and that she is up late. She probably doesn't feel safe enough to fall asleep because she'll have to let her guard down. Maybe talking about a safety plan with her will help, e.g., who can you call if you don't feel safe? or do you have a lock on your door? Lots of neglect here, her physical and emotional needs are not being met.

Maybe if she does report this and an investigation is done, it will encourage her mom to also come out of denial.

If there is anything else I can help with, please let me know. Thanks for taking the time to help this child, Sew, hang in there.

CM

February 23, 2005
9:49 am
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sewunique
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You are just wonderful, much appreciation. We have been using a background thread to use ques, etc while mam has been on line with jigsaw (mamaC from sew)

What I do know as being a nurse and married to a teacher, I guess we have been doing ok with our scant backgrounds. mmaC worked in a law office? But she is great with talking to the younger ones here.

If we knew what state, and school it would help. We will just stay with the trust and validation and her safety for now. Keep close by, will you? Drop in and take a peek once in awhile,please? Thanks much

Later I will be back on line to see more about Natl hotline and other tips.

February 23, 2005
10:55 am
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CODA_Mom
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Will do, Sew, I am off today but have to go out for a bit early noon. I will be sure to check in later.

Blessings,
CM

February 23, 2005
11:31 am
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sewunique
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bumping this up

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