Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
READY NEEDS HELP....how do I stop this?
March 6, 2005
10:45 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, it is morning, and I feel much better. PMS, a cold, a bottle of Chardonnay and being alone are not a good combination for me. Lesson learned. I'm usually not so negative...sorry. And thanks to all of you for being there. I did have a good cry (a few of them as a matter of fact), and talked with 3 good friends. That helped a lot.

Unfortunately, one of the friends is the mom of my daughter's best friend, and she told me that my daughter told her daughter the she hates her grandma. (STBX's mom, who he is living with right now). When her friend asked her why, she said because my grandma says really bad things about my mom. I just don't think it is fair for my mother in law to be saying these things where my daughter can hear them. She's only there 8 days a month, can't they talk about me the other 22 days? That really hurt, and I couldn't talk to my daughter about it, so I just obsessed about it all day.

Anyway, bad day. Today will be better. Going to church, kids come back home today....so I'll be okay.

Thanks again all....

March 6, 2005
11:40 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ready:

The only thing that is gonna come from the mom-in-law bad mouthing you is that your daughter will hate her. That kinda backstabbing always backfires on the one doing the badmouthing. I do agree tho, they have 22 other days to act like that.

You do have the right to bring it to the attention of your STBX and let him know if this persists you will be filing for restricted visitation whereas she will not be goin to gradma's house or be around grandma. This is emotional child abuse and the courts, in MO anyway, frown on this. They will stop this from being done to your child if you push it.

Give the STBX the what-for and don't back down. Your children should no suffer because someone cannot keep their mouth shut 8 days a month.

March 6, 2005
11:44 am
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Will give you a website later today if I can find it...have you ever heard of Angela Thomas? Divorced, single mom of 4, a Christian. She gives some perspective to all of this, dn you need that right now. It is hard ready, but just keep looking up, stay in the Word, whether you feel like it or not. If e focus on the problem, all we see is the problem...if we look up, focus on God as best we can in painful situations as these, the "problem" becomes an opportunity.
Love and hugs, will check in later to see how you are doing.

March 6, 2005
12:04 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ready,

I am glad you got thru last nite. I couldn,t post as I feel asleep at the computer, LOL. Any way, I agree with mamaC that this harmful talk will only push the chidren away from her. That is why it is so important that you do not bad mouth the ex in front of the kids. I know you know that, but darn if it is hard to bite yur tongue sometimes.

Maybe after church you can do something really special for your own time before your children return home. What ever, your choice; there are so many, you know!

My favorite is listen to 'Sunday Morning Coffee', by American Gramaphone, or any classical or 'Fresh Aire' by Chip Davis, grab the paper, with a big mug of coffee.

Enjoy your moments of quite while you can!!!!

March 6, 2005
12:21 pm
Avatar
addicts wife
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Im glad youre feeling better today ((((hugs)))))).
I am sorry you are experiencing this.. I too have PMS, a cold, etc.

I pray for you today for strength, and courage...
And Im glad the Chard didnt add another headache to ya' LOL
Im proud of you for printing thos eemails andrecording the messeges.
I am not going through this, but I feel for you, andI beleive that things will get better for you!!!
(((((((hugs))))))))))))))

March 6, 2005
1:54 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, I have my son here with me today, he had spent the night with a friend and came to church this morning. We had a nice lunch together, and he's doing homework. Talked to my lawyer today, who basically told me there's not much he can do to change my STBX's behavior. He advised me that I do not EVER have to answer his calls, and that he would make sure to ask him that tomorrow when he questions him before the final papers are signed. Also told me to email him and let him know that I would not be taking his calls. As for Grandma, well, I told my son to politely tell her to stop if she's saying things that make him uncomfortable. And today when my daughter returns, I'll tell her the same thing. I told them from the beginning that people would be saying mean things during this whole process because divorce is upsettting. I told them they always had the right to tell that adult to stop saying things if they were uncomfortable....and I included myself in that. Told them they had the right to tell me to stop if I was making them uncomfortable. I've tried very hard never to vent to them, but a few times, I've melted down....like Friday. I have been very honest about things, though....explaining alcoholism and anxiety disorder to them. I felt they needed to understand what their dad was dealing with, and that they were old enough to understand why he was taking medication, and why the alcohol changed his behavior. He is their father. I tried to explain it in a simple factual way, without judging his behavior. Just explaining it. They do have the right to know, I think.

Anyway, I spent some time praying and reflecting...and I'm back on track for now. Thanks again, all.

March 6, 2005
2:15 pm
Avatar
GullyFoyle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ready

It just sounds like you have it together so much. I admire you. I did basically the sam thing with my older boys, only it was me explaining about my problems with alcoholism and codep and dsyfunction. Told them the same thing about calling me on it when I was including them in my rants or bad moods.

But you can't always do it perfectly, which is why I wouldn't worry about Friday. They know that you are going through a bad time. Children are wonderful in their ability to love and understand. More than we give them credit for.

And I agree about not bad-talking the ex in front of the kids. I was warned about that when my divorce/separation started. I was basically told to do the right and honorable thing. No matter how badly I wanted to use the children or just vent in front of them. And there were times I wanted to do that, not that I am proud of those feelings at all. But we are all human and have failings. It is how we handle our own shortcomings and the trials and tribulations we endure that make the difference in our lives and others.

MamaC is right. That bad mouthing stuff will back fire big time. Kids know. It's sad, but you can almost see their lonely futre ahead of them. You reap what you sow.

I am glad you are feeling better. If you just wait, God will reward you with a better day.

Gully

March 6, 2005
5:34 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, I sure don't feel worthy of anyone's admiration right now....I'm just doing the best I can. And I sure mess up now and again, and I'm forever apologizing to my kids for losing my cool with them. We're all on edge, because there is so much change, and uncertainty right now. It's hard on all of us, and tensions are sometimes high. But I've tried to stay on the high road, and it makes such a difference to them. My son said the other day, "Mom, you know you're a better person than dad." I was shocked, because I've always been the disciplinarian...setting limits and enforcing the rules. Dad was the one they went to when mom said no. Especially when he was drinking, he'd allow just about anything. So I was surprised that he didn't resent my limit setting, rule enforcing, and boundary keeping. Although, I think kids push the limits, but they really want limits. It tells them they are loved, right?

Anyway, thanks for your words of wisdom, Gully....I appreciate it. And I've got to hand this off to God, and let him take it the rest of the way. I know he will.

March 7, 2005
4:48 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, it really is final now. We went to court today and signed the paperwork in front of the judge. I was very calm about it, even when my ex was glaring at me across the courtroom. He even had the nerve to wait until everyone was out of the courtroom to tell me I would have to sit down with him and explain how holidays work, and that eventually I would need to start speaking to him again. I just ignored him. He can pay his lawyer to interpret the parenting plan to him. Not my job. He has put me through so much, I don't owe him anything. If he doesn't understand that it is his holiday with them, I'll just keep them. So I have my maiden name back, and I get to keep my house and my car. It's final, and it's time for me to move on with my life. I have to stick to all of the advice you gave me about standing my ground with him....I did really well this weekend when he called me non stop. Didn't answer once.

Thanks again to everyone....

March 7, 2005
4:56 pm
Avatar
GullyFoyle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bah! Some men! Has to have Holidays and how to take care of his children explained to him! He is just playing you. Or maybe he is that clueless. I wouldn't be surprised.

Congrats.

Life IS good!

Gully

March 7, 2005
5:17 pm
Avatar
bangles
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 16
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi ready! Sorry to hear about your distressful last few days. I don't know what I'd do, but for sure, I'd copy those e-mails and share them with your lawyer if you haven't already. And I'd never answer. I hope he tires of this harrassment soon. You be strong...sounds like you've done pretty well so far! Really, it does. Just know you can do it and don't let him get to you. Easier said than done, I know. Bangles

March 7, 2005
5:41 pm
Avatar
tracylyn
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ready -

I don't have but a minute to write but I wanted to tell you how much I feel and understand your frustration.

This sounds exactly like my divorce. My x didn't think he had to abide by any rules but as soon as they were inforced then he become nastier and nastier. Mine even thought he was above the law and never came to the status hearings or even the final hearing and so I got divorced without him.

I will tell you that time helps. He's calmed down and doesn't take advantage like he used to and he finally realized that when he's late and doesn't know schedules and such that it's hurting the kids and no one else.

It does get better!!!

March 7, 2005
5:43 pm
Avatar
tooscared
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 21
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm happy that your divorce is final and you were able to stay strong. You have been through so much and so have your children. Glad you were able to stay strong and not answer his harrassing phone calls. He has to know that you are not going to put up with his crap. Hang in there.

March 7, 2005
6:54 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Ready, you go there.

You are not one to mess with; dare he try, he will get burned! You are hot, hot, hot!

Spppppssss Sizzle!!!

The ignorant nerve for him to TELL you to explain Holidays, etc. to him? I so agree with you, let him pay his atorney for something his education appaarently didn't help him with, that is...brains.

Geez nuttin worse than a' educated fools.

(Sorry, I am still working on my idiot situation; court in one week).

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110935
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38542
Posts: 714222
Newest Members:
jessicawales, documentsonline, SafeWork, thomasalina, genericsmartdrugs, 才艺
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer