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Ready for a drink!!!
December 21, 2002
2:07 pm
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My kid has me so pissed off right now I just feel like having a drink. I guess that is why I am even posting this is to get it out of me and move on. I had a using dream last night and in my dream my friends said it was ok because I didn't get drunk and I didn't drink what I really love, I drank something I don't even really like, so it was all justifiable not to be a relapse. I also knew in my dream the door was opened for me NOW to really go and get what I really love, because I had gotten the fist drink out of the way and it was justifyed.

December 21, 2002
2:21 pm
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No Angie, don't do it. I suspect you already have decided not to, just because it's worth so much to you, this new healthy life that you've made for yourself. What's going on with your kid?

December 21, 2002
9:23 pm
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Angie girl, what's goin on?

You're too smart and have come toooo far to fall for that dream bullshit...talk to me.

((((((((((((((Angie))))))))ox

December 22, 2002
9:23 pm
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Thanks ginger and Alena as always!!!

698 MARBLES...in my jar : )

December 23, 2002
6:42 am
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I think today makes 699 good morning my friend.

December 23, 2002
9:42 am
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Hey Angie,

I haven't had one of those dreams in awhile...it's usually though when I hear someone else talk about it that I have one! So I'll let you know tomorrow, lol...

I can relate to the kids getting to you. I did most my drinking at home, thinking, oh, this will help me deal with the kids, husband, dishes, etc...

I have to really think it through sometimes. Take that "one" drink to what the end will be (remembering the not yets). Sometimes thats the only thing that keeps me sober. Especially when I'm not emotionally or spiritually fit. It's the fear of what can happen if I choose to drink again.

Take care Angie...and take some time for you!

December 23, 2002
4:10 pm
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onedayatatime

love your nickname!!!!
Yes I also was a stay home drinker for the most part and I also thought it helped me to deal and still think it could somedays but know that just can't happen and still have my kid living with me.

I think you said it! emotionally and spritually fit. Neiter one am I right now, Yes fear is what has me staying sober right now and the fact I don't want to let so many people down including myself.

My Mother bought me some new marbles for Christmas for my one day at a time goal, NOW how messed up would that be to drink and not beable to use my new marbles? Would that be called fake it until you make?

December 23, 2002
5:53 pm
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Or fake it till you feel it. *grin*

December 23, 2002
7:00 pm
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Just like the rest of us, one day at a time, challenges, and opportunities.

As long as you have all those marbles I know you are ok. xxoo

December 24, 2002
12:50 am
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yes Molly 699 marbles : ) some times hard for me to even believe. Fear and support are the two big things that have worked for me, however I know I need to get busy and find out what is really under all those layers and layers of drinking. I think some times I put all that off because I don't want to know! or maybe emotionaly I am just tired. Poor Poor angie is tired!!! hell that dosen't even sound good to me.

December 24, 2002
9:44 am
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(((angie)))

December 24, 2002
1:28 pm
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Hey Angie baby,

I think it's about time for you to throw a leg up over that bike and ride baby ride!

: )

I'll be there for you to talk to, to push up those hills with, real ones on the bike and those hills of life that we struggle with sometimes. I am your friend just over the hill, I am here.

Feeling a little blue here lately too, sometimes it's lonely in the big bed all alone and trying to raise 4 crazy teenagers, holy moly, but life is good...

I am SURVIVOR WOMAN, I can do it, you can too.

I love you.

D

December 24, 2002
1:35 pm
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P.S. One pedal at a time : )

December 24, 2002
10:53 pm
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Thanks yea yea

I know I need to get my ass back on the saddle again and will soon This Chirstmas for what ever reasons has been a hard one on me this year. However tonight I do have my head held high and out of my ass so I can focusing on the things and people that are so important to me. The sun stays up just a little longer every day now so I have no excuse not to ride.

Merry Chirstmas to you! YY

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