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Reaching Out for Insight
December 3, 2003
1:33 pm
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mj
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Hugs CD....
Our relationship started out as him being very quiet and passive and anything I wanted was just fine. Then after we married, and I had moved into his house things escalated, then I broke my ankle and became dependent on him because ....I was an invalid basically....so when I found this site, I was able to start crawling out of the hole I had dug....one step out a time.

Zinnie, My husband and I had the fight....we fought over everything. It was always a power struggle. It is so ridiculous now...even after a few days of freedom. I don't know why I kept going back...I guess because he always said the right things to make be feel he loved me and would work on changing. It was BS.

December 3, 2003
1:42 pm
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sixfootblonde
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FREEZE MILK?!?!?!

Wow, I have never heard of that!
Eeesh, mj. (((hugs)))

December 3, 2003
1:45 pm
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mj
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Giggling...No crap...Yuck...especially you can appreciate this concept...being in Jersey country. I watched them milk cows myself and Freezing milk would be for people in AK who have to fly to the store....

The most menial bs...I put up with. I am raising my level of awareness now.

December 3, 2003
4:42 pm
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artist 2
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MJ, you have so much love for everyone. What a beautiful heart!

December 3, 2003
6:10 pm
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mj
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Gosh, Thanks Artist...Hugs.

December 3, 2003
10:04 pm
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sixfootblonde
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I am still giggling over the frozen milk concept, sorry but I'm kind of boggled by that. Might I ask with all due (temporary) seriousness, what the purpose of this exercise was to have been? Are there sudden spiking milk prices were you are? *giggle* Lines with outraged shoppers vying over the last half-gallon?

PS If any of this happens, let me know and I can hook you up. Holstein country here baby! 😉

December 3, 2003
10:58 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi MJ,

Do you think he was just putting on an act regarding being passive and letting you do anything you wanted until he had you where he wanted you?

I'm asking that because I have two friends who are in that position. As a matter of fact, my one friend that I spend a lot of time with, I printed out this thread for her to read. She is going through so much, and she really needs to leave her marriage, even she says and knows this, but she doesn't. I'm not sure why, and yet when I have asked her why not, even she says she does not know.

Just remember my manta ladies "NO BUTS" and you will be amazed. I hope for all out there that they can have a marriage like mine. It is far from perfect, but last I heard Utopia was only a myth. But, I have a partner in my life that treats me with love, respect, and honesty. EVERYONE deserves that.

Hugs to all...

Zinnie

December 4, 2003
10:29 am
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artist 2
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Frozen milk is great!

so is ice cold watermelon on a hot summer morning...

so is fresh made-from-lemons lemonade...

December 4, 2003
11:11 am
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mj
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The concept was buy 3 gallons while on sale with a coupon and freeze the other 2 and then when you get ready to use them thaw them out on the counter, just like dear sweet mom has done for all her life.

This may work for her, but if I buy a mocha a day for $4 and cigarettes for $5 then obviously i am not penny pinching or I would cut off my bad habits and buy fresh milk.

For he, it was another control tactic. I expressed my desire to drink fresh milk.....not thawed old milk. With my touchy stomach, the thought of that separated milk thawing is enough to want to make me gag.

The good new is I can buy my own milk and did last night. I can do whatever I damn well please with out anyone trying to tell me that I am wrong for what I do or think.

Sorry about the jersey...Holstein....hell Milk Cows are wonderful, Fresh Milk....Yahoo 🙂

Artist, I am glad you like frozen MILK. Keep drinking it if you like it. We all can have our own likes and dislikes, can't we. That's what's so wonderful about this country we live in. As long as we don't infringe on others, we can do what we think is right for us.

Zinnie, Hope your friend finds her answers. It isn't easy walking away but sometimes its just necessary.

December 4, 2003
12:21 pm
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sixfootblonde
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mj -- I am happy for you. I am glad you are feeling good about yourself. Ladeska and I were talking on another thread the other day of that "still, small voice". Sounds like your still small voice is grinning at your new found freedom. I believe when we are doing what we should, we feel good. I read on here once that inner turmoil comes when you violate your core values. True that!

I am glad you are evolving so much mj it is great to "watch". First the trip. Then the job. Then the standing tall with foot firmly planted. You are standing taller and taller and I am so proud of you.

🙂

December 4, 2003
3:44 pm
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mj
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Hug Dear SFB....Thanks for the vote of confidence and I am glad we can laugh together once in a while....

I feel very blessed by knowing that I am not alone.

I was driving home from work last night and I was feeling a twing of lonliness...so I decided to do something nice for myself...and get my car washed...reminants of cat prints and leave prints still on my filthy car.

Then I proceeded to do some shopping.
Wanted to buy my bro something...to let him know how special he is. I was feeling a little nervous about going into the store...usually have went with husband so it felt out of my comfort zone. I met up with one of my previous clients and she hugged me so big and told me how good it was to see me. She use to give positive reinforcement seminars to big corporations. She asked how my marriage was....I answered honestly. Said I was getting a divorce. She gave me another hug.

I went along and run into another clients son....who smiled and said, how are you. I said great. He said, I have been contemplating getting married after my 10 year courtship...how is your new marriage going.....I said, we are getting divorced. He asked how many is this?
Do I have to answer....and then I answered with 4. He said, that he thought after his first divorce he would never do it again, get married but he was starting to discuss it but wasn't sure of if he would at this point. It was kinda embarrassing...but then again, reality is reality. I then saw a couple that we just wrote their policy here at work....and they smiled and said hello so friendly. It turned out that I wasn't alone at all. I finished my shopping and went home to find a pumpkin pie my bro bought me to make up for the Thanksgiving HOLIDAY. I really knew that if you keep doing the footwork...then there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Hugs dear Friends.

December 7, 2003
12:27 pm
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mj
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Face your fear....and it will dissolve.

December 11, 2003
11:50 am
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mj
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Sometimes what we fear, sharing our vulnerabilities is what is keeping us from true happiness.

December 11, 2003
11:53 am
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artist 2
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Fears... can we start a thread on that?

MJ, let me understand, and maybe I'm behind on your story. Are you now getting divorced after moving back in? I thought you had moved back in for another fresh start - what am I missing?

December 15, 2003
10:51 am
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mj
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No answer has been cut and dried for me. I pray alot. I write alot. I think alot.

To change my mind doesn't mean that I can't change it again. Its a day at a time. Today is a Good Day with Hubby.

December 15, 2003
1:54 pm
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angel1
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yes I agree mj it is one day at a time..our thoughts and desires change all the time..what I thought I wanted yesterday..I may not want today..what I thought I knew yesterday..may not be what I thought today..So yes things change..people change..our views and thoughts changes..I just grateful to understand this today..I'm also having a better day with my hubby...Angel1

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