Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Reaching Out for Insight
November 28, 2003
4:55 pm
Avatar
tooscared
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 21
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey MJ. I am leaving to take a veggie tray to the family for the funeral tomorrow and then I will be right back home. What is going on? I will check the computer just as soon as I walk back in the door. This doesn't sound so good. 🙁

Sorry that you are having a bad time with your hubby. It is hard to stay positive sometimes when you have to deal with another person. Love you.

November 28, 2003
4:57 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Same old bs.

Its all my problem and he and his mom are saints.

Ok.....glad you made it home safe...and sound. Love YOU too!

November 28, 2003
5:26 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The good news...got all my Christmas packaged mailed 🙂

Got my surgery paid off!

I am alive!

November 28, 2003
5:30 pm
Avatar
tooscared
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 21
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm back. Told you it wouldn't be long. Well, if it makes you feel any better, please know that I don't think that he or his mom is a saint. I think that you must come close to put up with the crap sometimes. I know that his mom is a touchy subject between the two of you.

I am glad that you got your packages mailed though. I bet that feels like a load lifted. I usually shop the day after Thanksgiving but with traveling and everything I haven't done any shopping. It has been a strange last few days.

November 28, 2003
5:33 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

After being online this morning I went downstairs to check the dryer...and pull the laundry out. Hubby is dressed and in the kitchen. He made me a mashed potatoe turkey and dressing burrito.

GOD...How could he even think that one up.

I declined his offer.

Then we ran to mail the packages and to go to my bank to deposit my payroll check. We hadn't talked since his Mom departed.

He wanted to run a plate of leftovers to my brother. So as we were driving I told him how hurt I had felt last night. He started yelling at me.
I said, that this was pure bullshit. He said I was controlling. I said, ok, I refuse to talk to you and I am taking you home. He says, you will talk to me. After a few minutes of silence I said, now was that controlling. I dropped him off at his home and left and came to my brothers.
Not exactly sure what I should do next.

One part of my logic says, Just end this dysfunctional relationship. It is never going to change.
Be free of it.

The other part of my logic says, be patient and calm down and if you feel this way tomorrow...then do something positive.

Lucky for me, I have a roof over my head here and I have time to think.

November 28, 2003
6:13 pm
Avatar
sixfootblonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow. Lots of pain these last few days huh.

I'm sorry for all that crap mj. You do not need to deal with it, you handled it much nicer than I would have. You try so hard to think of the right way to do things. I react from the gut and usually regret it, lol!

Holidays suck. They are overblown and overexaggerated and so therefore are almost destined to not live up to the hype. I hate that I feel so alone during the holidays. I guess I should look around and thank God for the blessings I have.

I read with care what Ladeska wrote. Very true. I still have the same burning question tho that I've been wrestling with now for about a month and a half. So half the battle is recognizing our dysfunctional behavior. I understand that. I can see mine clearly. How do we stop? How do we change? How do we make that new path out of pretense? The behavior we have formed over the period of our lives -- how do we change it? Wanting to isn't enough. Trying isn't enough. I still feel hurt and jealousy and while I know it's because I have a need for the spotlight and I am ashamed of it -- I STILL FEEL those feelings! How do I make them stop?

This is the insight I am reaching out for.

And mj, dear friend, you said it right when you said this is the safe place. Amen. And I don't think you're controlling. I think you have found your wings and you're learning as you test them. As for the dilemma you are in, only you can know the right way to go. Only you are there when the doors are closed to the rest of the world, and only you can know if your marriage is healthy with some issues you're working on, or as you said, a dysfunctional one never to change. The question here to me is this: how many relationships don't have rough spots? Are we blessed to just have someone who truly loves us? When is it settling and when is it truly a good thing we are just too stubborn to see?

I don't know. I don't know much anymore. The more I try to learn and grow, the more questions I end up with.

These are the issues I pose......any insight of course is appreciated.

Loves ya mj! ((((hugs))))

November 28, 2003
9:17 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey SFB....
Tonight I would just throw in the towel.
I don't feel blessed with my relationship at all. I think that I am sick of the screaming at me. I am sick of the same problem. I can't change only myself and my scenery.

Tonight, I feel better being removed fro m the chaos of my relationship. I don't care if I ever go back. I hate him. That's a strong emotion isn't it.

November 28, 2003
9:23 pm
Avatar
tooscared
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 21
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MJ, I am glad that you are feeling more peaceful tonight. Maybe you just needed some space and time away. There has been so much going on over these last few weeks. I know that there is a fine line between love and hate and it can be crossed so easily. I'm just glad that you have a safe place that you feel like you can go. Hugs my friend. Glad you are safe tonight. (((((MJ)))))

November 28, 2003
9:27 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Rut roe 🙂 growing something 🙂

November 28, 2003
9:33 pm
Avatar
tooscared
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 21
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are too funny!! Love you.

November 28, 2003
10:48 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi All,

MJ, I'm sorry you are having these problems. My heart aches for you.

SFB - hum, you pose some good questions. In my case, for the most part, since I have recognized where the dysfunction lies, I have tried to change how/who/when/what I will tolerate.

But, you know it's hard. Here I had the best Thanksgiving in years. Really did. But, then I call home and talk to my parents and within 30 minutes of talking to them, I'm looking for the Xanax bottle.

I think that is why my husband said "just let them be, let them call you and when they start tell them you have to go."

I guess if I really knew all the answers, I would be rich.

Love,

Zinnie

November 29, 2003
3:04 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's midnight, and I can't sleep.
Too many thoughts keep pouring through my head. What a mess I have made of my life. Yep, its an inside job my friends. What do I need to do to take care of me? Do I move here permanently knowing I have given my marriage my best effort? Do I just leave my belongings there and forget about materialism?
Do I file for a divorce? Do I just take it minute by minute? I don't ever want to go back.

November 29, 2003
3:14 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I survived my childhood. Its time to grow up and get authentic. It's time to start taking care of me. What I need to care for MJ. I need peace and serenity. I need to be able to express my feelings without condemnation. I need to be me by making my choices, one at a time, and accepting the consequences of my choices.

I have been going to marriage counseling and I don't really think that he and I will resolve our differences. We have different beliefs. I believe that its ok to say no when you mean no. I believe that its okay to be financially responsible and live within my financial means. I believe that I am responsible for my actions and words. I can live with me.

I can't live with someone who belittles my feelings. I cannot tolerate being yelled at. I respect myself far too much to tolerate this in adulthood. I like who I have become. I wouldn't want to turn back now on my mental and emotional progress. I like the spiritual being I am becoming. I love my direct connection with my HP. I know that I will be ok. He is with me always.

November 29, 2003
11:46 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good Morning Friends,

I am heading to my home to pack up my clothes and items that I need to function at my job. I will just take it a moment at a time. I know that this is the right thing for me.

Thanks for your support.

November 29, 2003
11:52 am
Avatar
HARRYO
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mj

Let me share a thought that a
friend shared with me yesterday.
As codependents we beat ourselves
up and we hurt.
He quoted me a line from a song
by Donovan from the late 60's

"happiness runs in a circular motion
you can have anything if you let
yourself be
everyone is a part of everything anyway
you can have anything if you let
yourself be"

always be kind to yourself

November 29, 2003
3:41 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks HarryO 🙂

Well its a done deal. My husband and I are getting divorced. I feel drained but at least I have a direction instead of spinning in circles. There's only one way...and that is up.

November 29, 2003
5:09 pm
Avatar
sixfootblonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mj. are you still here? i'm sorry..........

November 29, 2003
9:41 pm
Avatar
tooscared
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 21
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm sorry that you are going through this MJ. I know it is a constant struggle with you and your hubby. As much as you love him and he loves you, I guess love alone is just not enough. There has to be respect and consideration of each other. He seems to be too much in the momma's boy mode to be a good husband to you. You have to be the most important to him - not his mom.

Just take things like you are - one moment at a time. Does this mean that you guys have talked? Love you my friend.

November 30, 2003
10:54 am
Avatar
boland
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((((hugs))))))) mj, we all here for you,

November 30, 2003
12:25 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I feel blessed today. Thank you for being there for me friends. I love YOU.

November 30, 2003
12:28 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My child wants to come out today and play. It feels safe and loved and warm.
I am going to go looking for Christmas trees today. I am going to start off this holiday grateful and happy that I am so blessed with true friends and loving family. My inner child wants to enjoy life and be happy doing whatever; making still lifes, cleaning the bathroom, sipping coffee, breathing, or just being. It feels great.

November 30, 2003
1:03 pm
Avatar
wallace
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MJ-you posting your inner feelings here helps others to deal with the turmoil of emotions we all experience. It reminds us that when we're going thro emotional hell, we're not the only ones. You're strong sister - thanks for sharing.

November 30, 2003
1:05 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank YOU Wallace for sharing too.
Please come join us and put your very own touch on the christmas tree at the coffeehouse 🙂 Hugs

Everyone come play!

November 30, 2003
11:53 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am really grateful tonight.

After reading this thread in entirety and feeling my emotions honestly, I am ok today and I feel comfortable to say that I will be okay tomorrow.

I have never known love that doesn't hurt except for my own children and even then they can hurt me with thoughtless words.

I am a sensitive person. I have desired approval from others most of my life until recently. I feel more sure of myself and my decisions. I am learning to trust myself. Yes, its a day at a time but then again, what else is there 🙂

What I am learning through practicing is be REAL. If you can't be REAL then what do you have.

I wish that my husband and I could have had a better marriage. I wanted to stay married. I wanted to be happy with him. But how could I. I have learned to be Real and when I can't be Real then it makes me damn mad that an open expression of my feelings would be cause of a personal attack. How could you live with someone who requires you to withdraw to avoid anger? He says I did this. Maybe as stated earlier today by someone...maybe I was his mirror or he was mine....and the reflection was insufferable. His or mine...it wasn't pleasant.

I feel better in my own skin today. I like me. I kinda had a really fun day. Call me selfish, cause I am. I am looking out for my best interests.
I like how its okay to make mistakes. I like how its okay to be honest. I like how I can just do whatever I want, whenever I want, and not have any worries. I chose to look at life today with glee and joy and actually enjoyed the day fully.

For this, I am grateful. Thank YOU friends and my HP.

December 1, 2003
12:22 am
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hugs MJ... is your decision final?

Love to you....

Zinnie

and a great big sloppy wet kiss from the little red LOUD dog

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714259
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information