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Re: kicking him out
May 4, 2007
12:15 pm
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AQueen
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I'm new here but not new to the situation you are speaking of. As a fellow codependent who recently cut all ties with my addict ex I understand your feelings completely. My ex is now homeless living on the streets doing drugs because he refuses to be accountable for his behavior. I kicked him out many times but the last time I got a protective order and moved and entered the address confidentiality program. It takes strength to do what you did and want to commend you for putting yourself first and setting boundries. You did the right thing by not letting him use the computer, he can use the library. You are right not giving him money. My ex did the same thing and I told him I would not pay him to leave, either he would leave on his own accord immediately or I would arrange for a police escort. He wouldn't leave so I called the police, by the time they showed up he was gone of course. He is homeless, carless, friendless, whatever. I didn't cause it, I cannot control it, and I cannot cure it so I'm letting go. I still think of him daily, not in a missing him type of way but he crosses my mind. I enabled him for years and it didn't help him. I did everything for him short of wiping his ass and all it did was make me more codependent than ever. I was micromanaging his life. I didn't just help him with his problems, no I took them on and made them my own. He no longer had to worry about them because I was taking care of everything. Talk about draining. So good for you, stay strong. Seek out a support group so you don't backtrack. The support group will help you in so many ways, give it a try. Good luck.
AQueen

May 4, 2007
12:18 pm
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AQueen
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This was a response to dogsmom's post about kicking her loved one out. I thought I just responded to the thread but I started a whole new one, sorry! I'm new and still learning the in's and out's of this site.
AQueen

May 4, 2007
12:23 pm
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mj
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Just write your replies in the box to reply to the thread you are reading AQueen.

You can also copy and paste your original post to the thread you intended. It took me a while to learn too!

May 4, 2007
3:32 pm
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thedogsmom
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AQUEEN

You are one strong and mighty woman who deserves the name AQUEEN! Welcome to this site and thanks for being so quick to respond to a hopeless codependent. NO there I go again...I am NOT hopeless. or helpless. and neither is he.. I can and will help myself. Lord knows "I have done everything for him short of wiping his ass and all it did was make me more codependent than ever" that really gave me a much needed chuckle today!!
You certainly sound like you have lived my life too ..can't believe there are so many of us woman taking on and caring for these men who do nothing but take and take and take...

I wanted so badly to stay home and cry and feel sorry for myself and worry about him...I am SO physically TIRED and DRAINED as you said! But I think it is good that I got out of the house...am forced to put on my happy smile to greet my patients and get him off of my mind if not but for a few moments at a time. I will just keep moving forward and take one day at a time... and will look to see if you posted a thread of your own to read. Thank you so much for caring and taking time to respond.
TDM

May 4, 2007
3:33 pm
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thedogsmom
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oh-- and mj--- I've read much of your comments on other threads--and have benefited much from your wonderful words of advice. THanks so much-
TDM

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